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Dedicated November 2021

Dress shopping with mil

Madison, on December 29, 2020 at 8:10 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13
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Putting the past issues behind me I invited my FMIL to dress shop and she freaked out saying I’m rushing. FH and I want to have wedding next year but she is not ready. I tried talking with family members about how to solve this but all of FH family says I need to wait for MIL to be ready. That I need to push my plans So she will be involved. Am I supposed to cancel my dress appt until she is ready? Which could be 3-5 months from now? Am I supposed to keep on track? I don’t want to change my plans to fit her agenda. She has yet to express her support for our marriage and only says negative and hurtful comments. FH has spoken with her and has decided to do what him and I discuss not his mom. What do I do? MIL family says I I need to include MIL but how can I include her if she needs time to adjust?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on December 31, 2020 at 4:31 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You’re not marrying his mom, you don’t need to plan the wedding on her timeline. She has 11 months to adjust, she will be fine.
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  • Clarissa
    Super October 2021
    Clarissa ·
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    I would agree with FH and just go with what you both want. It’s not your MIL wedding it’s yours. It’s also not her marriage. She may never be ready. Are you willing to take that chance? If FH is ok with his mother not being supportive then move forward with your plans. You can’t please everyone. If she gets on board then that would be awesome but don’t let her ruin your happiness or your experience.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You are marrying your fiance not is mom or the rest of his family. Do you what you and youe fiance want. If she doesn't want to go dress shopping then go without her. The only people whose opinion matters is you and your fiance.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Dress shopping can be one of the most fun, or most stressful, aspects of wedding planning. You should bring only those who you feel comfortable and confident with, and who will be excited and supportive of you. It doesn’t sound like MIL is fitting that description. I would go dress shopping without her. Hopefully she will get on board with the wedding as time passes.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I saw your previous post and I would worry about you until she can be respectful towards you. I wouldn't cancel. I wouldn't include her.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    You do NOT adjust your plans because FMIL “isn’t ready”. She’s an adult, her child is an adult, therefore she deals with it.
    For what it’s worth, and my MIL likes me, I invited mine to an appointment with me but I never made it that appointment because I chose a dress at the appointment Before it. She wasn’t upset and i sent her pictures of what i got and tried on. But besides that she wasn’t involved at all. Didn’t even ask many questions about what we were planning. There’s no need to involve her unless she wants to be, and honestly it doesn’t sound like she wants to be.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    She does not need to be included if she's "not ready". The wedding isn't about her & it's coming off as she's being selfish. I say fine someone else to go with you and to continue your plans.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I agree with this! Don't cancel and don't include her. She'll survive
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Oh dear, this is all kinds of nope.

    Your MIL is one thing, but what stood out to me was "all of FH family says I need to wait for MIL to be ready. That I need to push my plans So she will be involved." This is at least as big of a problem to me. None of them see an issue with her behavior? Does your FH stand up to his mom? The attitude you're getting from his family is disrespectful and sends a clear message that his mom is in charge. This isn't going to work for a marriage.

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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2022
    Natalie ·
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    I'm confused by what she means by not being ready...ready for what?? Like emotionally ready? That is truly bizarre and if I were you, I would have it now to avoid that energy being present at your appointment.

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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    The family sees no issue with her. She is a “matriarch” in their eyes. The boss and controls everything for everyone...
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I think your FH needs to sit his WHOLE family down and tell them to stop enabling his mother.

    He would benefit from therapy (his mother sounds narcissistic and toxic, if I'm remembering your other posts correctly), and you probably should both go to learn how to deal with her.

    You're going to need to set excessive boundaries.

    The first one being, "I am going dress shopping on X day. You are invited. The date is not moving, if you do not wish to go, you will be missed."

    Period. Full stop. End of story.

    Let her throw her tantrum, and don't cave.

    Either she will get the memo, or she'll keep throwing tantrums. You can adjust your behavior accordingly.

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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Keep moving forward with your plans. She’s not getting married. She doesn’t need to be “ready” for anything. I wouldn’t talk with any of the family members about it, either. They support and enable her toxic behavior, and you don’t need that. Keep planning your wedding with your fiancé.
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