Dropped from my best friend's bridal party...

I'm sorry that happened to you. Looks like you asked her very early to be in your wedding party, that's so unfortunate because things can change so much.

FWIW, you didn't do anything wrong. It would and should have been perfectly fine for you not to attend the rehearsal.

"She ended up just replacing me with another friend "--wow, so basically the message is that you're replaceable. Not a really good way to treat a friend, and I'm sure you're reconsidering the friendship.

If it were me, and the wedding is soon, I'd probably not bother attending. She's made her feelings clear about where you stand.

Just so you know, "MOH duties" don't exist. Giving someone a role in the wedding party is meant as a chance for you to honour them. It's not a job, and there aren't "duties". I'm just trying to keep you from making similar mistakes. I wouldn't do anything at all until about six months before your wedding, which would be in fall of 2024. It's way too early to be thinking of wedding party now.

That is not how a real friend would behave. She didn’t even give you the chance to see if you could resolve the conflict. While rehearsal is something the bridal party will make an effort to attend if possible, that’s not always the case for good reason as your story shows. You could have no doubt easily been brought up to speed on the day of the wedding, probably in ten minutes or less.


In your place I would not attend her wedding or continue the friendship under these circumstance. I would let her know that to you the role is about close friendship and if she no longer is treating you like a friend it would be disingenuous to pretend she’s your MOH in name only, whatever that means. As PP says there are few actual responsiblities besides showing up, perhaps buying a dress, or maybe bringing her something to eat or drink in the bridal room, helping with her dress, holding her flowers during the ceremony, fixing a bustle, those kind of things.
What it is not is a job. Though friends or friends of family both in and out of the bridal party may offer plan fun pre-wedding experiences, it is not any kind of obligation. Similarly, you can generously offer to pay for or provide access to hair and makeup services but you cannot require them. If your friend was already upset before the rehearsal incident it may help explain how she was feeling, though of course there’s no justification for how she handled things.

Yikes, I’m sorry this happened. She clearly showed you how important your friendship is to her. Also, if the dates are correct, your wedding isn’t until 2025, and you said hers is after yours. How was there already a rehearsal dinner for you to miss? This early on, there is literally no responsibility for a bridal party member.

I am confused about the timing here. This is a wedding 2 years from now?? How on earth could you know about a test 2 years in advance?! And why are there already bridal parties selected? - that shouldn’t happen until about a year out.

View Quoted Comment Let me clarify, I didn’t put my actual wedding date since I was just trying to get advice. I’ve been engaged for over a year so I actually get married in less than 2 months and she just got engaged in December.

View Quoted Comment Hi, yes so I did not require hair and makeup since I cannot afford to pay for everyone but I told them all it was available and just asked who was interested in paying for their hair and makeup. She got upset just me asking if she was interested and said that I made her feel bad for not paying for it because the other bridesmaids wanted it.

View Quoted Comment Hey, yes I didn’t have my exact wedding date. I’ve been engaged for over a year and getting married in less than 2 months so she was already my MOH when all of this happened. The whole time she’s been arguing with me about my wedding though and then she got engaged in December.

View Quoted Comment Let me clarify, I didn’t put my actual wedding date since I was just trying to get advice. I’ve been engaged for over a year so I actually get married in less than 2 months and she just got engaged in December.

View Quoted Comment Ok that makes more sense! In that case, I think the question you need to ask yourself isn’t whether to attend her wedding or have her in yours… the question you need to ask is whether you still want her in your life. If you feel the friendship is worth saving, I’d either have a talk with her or send her an email detailing how her actions made you feel like a disposable friend. A rehearsal is an optional event. Many couples don’t even have them! Hopefully once she sees how inconsiderate her actions were, she’ll apologize and make it up to you. If not, you’ll need to decide if you want to keep her as a friend. If not, I wouldn’t waste your time and money flying for her wedding. And I definitely wouldn’t keep her in your bridal party- do you really want a person no longer in your life forever in your wedding pictures??

Rehearsals are optional and many couples forego this. It's just walking.


I wonder if your real question is if you should feel bad about removing her from your wedding which actually comes first. That answer is no, don't keep this self-centered person in your forever pictures. If she really thinks she's your MOH now then she's clearly self-involved. I would be the better person and not replace her in your own WP, and you both should reimburse the other for any dresses paid for already. That's actually better etiquette.

View Quoted Comment I think your friend’s problem is that she’s insecure, and had a giant chip on her shoulder. It’s possible she’s also financially stressed, but that is no excuse at all for her attitude. You did nothing wrong in offering people access to hair and makeup services and you are not obligated to pay. If she knew it was optional, and you did nothing to make her feel badly about it then she was completely out of line to create drama.


While attending rehearsal/rehearsal dinner (if there is one), is included in the wedding party’s role, there are times it’s simply not possible. You even made an effort to move the test date but that wasn’t good enough for her. Again, walking in a straight line down and aisle is not rocket science.

I agree with PP that the real question should be whether you want to continue what sounds like a very one sided relationship. I would be beyond offended at the way she replaced you and would be done with anyone who spoke to me the way she does to you. Unless she were to apologize, these things are dealbreakers in my book. As things stand now, I would not attend her wedding or even invite her to mine.

Honestly, if my MOH kicked me out of her wedding due to something out of my hands like an exam, I'd honestly consider not having her part of my wedding at all. As adults, we don't have to put up with exhausting, one-sided friendships, and this girl sounds exhausting. You're putting in all the effort in the friendship AND she kicks you out of her wedding? Nah, the friendship is done. That's not how a "maid of honor" acts, let alone a friend.


In your shoes, I'd politely decline attending her wedding, politely inform her she no longer has maid of honor title (or any bridesmaid title for that matter), and then stop being the first to contact her all the time. If she reaches out in the future, I'd be willing to reconcile with open arms. But no, as adults, you actually don't need to emotionally exhaust yourself with people who still act like children in friendships.

View Quoted Comment

Hi gotcha, ok. If you feel like this friendship is not repairable, and based on how this went down, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her not to be your MOH. I would reimburse her for whatever expenses have occurred already and leave the party as is. I wouldn't "promote" someone to MOH because that person will feel like second choice. It's totally OK to not have a MOH at all.

I'm so sorry that happened to you!

If you don’t want to pursue the friendship I would make it primarily about the relationship, not the role and say something like “Our friendship has obviously not been working out for some time and I think it’s better if we take some space and go our separate ways for now. I wish you the best and will always treasure the memories we share but it would not be honest or a reflection of where things stand with us to be in each other’s weddings or even to attend as guests. I’m sorry it's come to this.”

My wedding was a full Catholic mass, and there was a bit more involvement than just the bridal party walking up and down the aisle (readings, presentation of the gifts, etc.). I might have felt a bit uneasy about someone not being able to be there, but objectively, there was a program that laid everything out, enough people going to the rehearsal that would be able to fill someone in, etc. that it wouldn't have been something I would have made a fuss over, especially if someone had a perfectly legitimate reason not to be there like you do. If your friend is removing you from her bridal party over this after a history of poor behavior, I don't think it would be wrong of you to remove her from your bridal party. I wouldn't have someone standing up with you who treats you like this.