Early Start Time

Could you just book your own hotel room for the night that way you’re there when you need to be? Without other information, like how many girls are getting ready, what time pictures are starting and how many hair and makeup artists there are, it’s hard to say if they’d even be able to set a schedule the way you want them too. Also, I’ve never experienced the bride going first for hair and makeup. Usually you want the bride to be done closer to when photos are beginning unless she needs to be ready before everyone else.

I would just ask her for the schedule. I gave my girls the schedule and asked that they were there 15-30 min before their time slot.

Honestly, that's just how these timelines work. It sucks that you weren't invited to stay at the hotel, but did they say that none of you can choose to get your own room closer? Depending on people's hair types, length and a ton of other factors can make it difficult to know 100% when people will be needed. I know when I was a bridesmaid my hair took significantly longer than anyone else's because I have super long hair. I offered to be first for hair so the stylist had more than enough time to deal with it instead of waiting until later, and none of us had a set time, it was just rotating when people were done. If you guys are super concerned about driving why don't the other bridesmaids group up and get rooms together for the night and split the cost? Is anyone else super bothered by this?

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A few bridesmaids are bothered by this. We do not want to purchase a hotel room because we are all still in college and have already spent a lot of money on her wedding (dresses, gifts, bridal shower, bachelorette party, hair & makeup etc.). Us bridesmaids have been given very little information on what is going on the day of as well just that we have to arrive by 7am. I think it would make the most sense to create a schedule and have us arrive 15-30 mins before our slot time, or have 2 girls stay in their room the night before and ask everyone else to arrive by 8-9am.

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I totally understand not loving the whole thing, but I still don't really see the time she's asking to be an issue. Yes, it's early, but that comes with being a bridesmaid because weddings are very long days for all involved. If you want a detailed schedule for every person blocked out for your wedding then you can do that. If you're comfortable asking the bride if she has a better idea for something like that maybe she will and will oblige, but I'm sure she just wants everyone there at the same time and that early so things can move along. Especially when you have a lot of people to get ready, if one person is behind schedule it can snowball.

7:00 AM is definitely very early to begin your day. I am assuming there must be a large bridal party, and the bride is probably wanting to do photos with you all before the ceremony? Although it’s a rough start to your morning, starting early like this with HMU is actually really common. I know it seems easy enough to just tell people to stagger their arrivals, but it doesn’t take much for a schedule to unravel quickly. Not to mention, if you are doing both hair and make up, that means two services are being done simultaneously. So if someone hits traffic, gets a flat tire, etc. and runs late for their scheduled time, you now have a huge issue (and are wasting the time of not one, but two artists). Whereas if all the girls were there, one person running late isn’t going to have a huge domino effect- you will just take somebody else who is sitting there. It is also really common for the bride to have the MOH only stay with her the night before. I have been the MOH in 7 weddings, and this is how it was done in 5 of them (the other 2 stayed with their SOs the night before). It’s advantageous to only have one person staying with you so that you are more likely to get to bed early, and then not have to share a shower with lots of people in the morning (could you imagine how early you would have to wake up in the morning to accommodate 4-8 showers?!). If some people are having to drive over an hour in the morning, and don’t want to wake up that early, they can choose to get their own hotel room, or split one with another girl(s) who also want to stay the night before. I think it’s important to remember that brides are putting in a ton of hours in planning and are scheduling their special day in a way that makes it least likely for things to go wrong (and hopefully less stressful for them). If you are a BM in this wedding, I am assuming you are one of the bride's closest friends. My best advice would be to just be compassionate and understanding, and to be a good friend to her by just arriving at the requested time. Is it early? Yes. But isn’t your friend’s happiness worth getting up a little early one morning for?

I very much think that the ones staying with her should go first, and that all others shouldn't have to arrive at 7am. In the many times I've been a bridesmaid, I've never arrived at the same time as all other BMs....I've arrived 20 minutes before my timeslot for either hair and/or makeup. I definitely think you should ask the bride for the schedule. Asking someone who lives 1.5 hours away to show up at 7am (assuming it's not absolutely necessary) is very strange to me. Do you happen to know how many people there are getting ready and the need-to-be-ready time? If it's a 12pm ceremony, this makes total sense. But if it's a 4pm ceremony, for example, I would really wonder about this (unless there are like 15 people getting ready).

I think it’s worth speaking with the bride and asking her if she could get a rough scheduled of who goes when, and to try to get the people who live further away to come in later in the day.
Now, I wouldn’t mention anything about not being invited to stay in the hotel room because honestly she needs sleep the night before and to relax, which can be very hard to do with a bunch of other bridesmaids.

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I agree with this completely.

I don't think the bride is being 'rude' by asking anyone to be there at 7am. 7am is a perfectly reasonable start time where I am from and unless you've been in a bridal party before (or a big one for that matter) you are probably underestimating just how much time it'll take to get everyone ready.

It would have been nice to have the bride offer to have you stay in the hotel the night before but ultimately that is a luxury that she is not obliged to offer, and while you can't afford to rent a hotel room the night before, she may herself not have the budget to offer everyone to stay the night before.

7am may be a little bit earlier than you would have liked to begin your prep time but in the grand scheme of it, you are getting up early on one morning to be a part of one of the most important days of your friend's life, and I'm sure she'd be doing the same for you if the roles were reversed.

I've been asked to arrive at 7 am for HMU for a 6:00 wedding - and had to provide my own hotel room. Between all the BMs and the moms, etc. The time ran out, and we ended up behind for pictures. Everything worked out in the end, but better to be there at an early hour and things run according to plan than have a time slot and people be late.

It honestly seems like you have built-up resentment toward the bride and this is just the last straw. Sure, 7 am is early. But you said it yourself, there are many bridesmaids. HMUA have rough schedules but I have never been in a wedding where everything went according to schedule or one girl wasn’t swapped for another or any number of disruptions. Also, I am SURE a bridesmaid is scheduled for the first slot. The bride is never the first one worked on.

Also, think how the bride picked her bridesmaids because she wants to hang out with you all on her wedding day! She’s going to be up at 7 am, of course she wants her best girls with her creating the right, excited vibe for her happiest day! This is when I gave my girls their gifts and we cranked up the music and poured the mimosas. It’s not a time for girls to file in and out according to appointment times that ALWAYS get adjusted—it’s a day to celebrate and party!

But the night before the wedding? The bride’s only priority should be getting a good, peaceful night’s sleep. She may want to have her MOH for support and talking thorough last-minute jitters. She certainly should not have to deal with coordinating shower schedules or a college sleepover atmosphere with other girls sleeping/stirring/snoring on the floor.There are lots of ways brides can be entitled and treat their bridal party more like props than friends but I see none of that here. I think you need to have more empathy here to someone who is dealing with a lot more details as a bride than you are as a bridesmaid.
It’s fine if you girls have decided you truly can’t afford splitting a hotel room or AirB&B or whatever, but it’s not right to harbor resentment toward the bride for having to drive. Can the girls who live 20 minutes away host the girls who live an hour and a half away for the night?

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I appreciate everyones comments and opinions with me providing little additional background!! Unfortunately the bride throughout most of the wedding process has treated most of her bridesmaids poorly including the MOH (where the MOH considered dropping out of the wedding and completely cutting off the friendship as a result of some questionable infidelity issues that occurred during the bachelorette trip). I think most of the bridal party feels very unappreciated by the bride throughout the process even after most of us expressing our concerns. I have been in many weddings myself (whereas this is the brides and MOH's first go around in/planning a wedding) but when it has come to mornings beginning at 7am my experience has always been that the bridal party has stayed together the night before or we were not expected to arrive until 9am (for weddings beginning after 4:30 pm like this one). Many of us are in college and cannot afford additional hotel nights on top of what has already been paid for (the bride was not straight forward with any of us regarding what our costs would entail for her wedding -- many unexpected costs were thrown at us) and all of us are very understanding of the importance of a full nights rest which is why being out the door between 5:30 am and 6:30 am seems to be a bit much for an evening wedding. I will likely reach out to the bride to discuss options for the day of! Thank you all for your insight!!

It sounds early but this is pretty standard for weddings with a full bridal party. You can reach out to her for the schedule, but is a 30 min difference really going to change how you feel? Sucks but that’s what the schedule is. I’m sure she’d rather not be starting the day so early either.

Just get your own hotel room. Just go with the flow and don’t make the bride upset. This is her day and you agreed to be in the wedding and with that comes expenses and inconveniences at time. Just arrived at 7 if you don’t get a room and drink coffee and relax.

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That's crazy. If the bridal party is that large the HMU team should provide enough stylists so that people can get done in a reasonable 3-4 hour time frame.

Requesting a schedule sounds perfectly appropriate to me. Unless this is an early afternoon wedding, I can't see why such an early start time is necessary, and it doesn't make sense for a bunch of people to show up so early only to wait an hour or more for "their turn" to get done up.