Elope now, big wedding later??

You're deploying, I think this is an exception. FH is airborne infantry in the army, so he's had his share of deployment so I DEFINITELY feel you on this one. I think because of the circumstances you are entitled to have your big day when you get home. It's not like you're just being impatient and don't want to wait, you know?

That happened to my parents, too. They had been planning a traditional wedding but my dad was set to deploy during the first Gulf War, so they ended up eloping a few days before he left. Many of their friends criticized them for not having a big wedding later on, but it's not what they wanted.

Considering your circumstances, I would say you have a good plan, and I'm sure your guests would understand. You could always have a celebration of marriage later on instead if that feels more appropriate to you.

As a military veteran I saw this countless times during my career. Elope, and then have a vow renewal on your original wedding date. You can still have all the elements you want, just your guests will be invited to a vow renewal and not a "wedding", but they will likely understand. Where it gets tricky is when people try and hide their marriage, please don't do this and instead just embrace the renewal and have a wonderful day.

Thank you for your service. I think your plan sounds like a good one. Guests will support your celebration of marriage as long as you are honest with them.

I do loads of weddings like yours (and weddings before hand not like yours too). You can still have a ceremony; if no one knows about your civil ceremony (always tell your parents) you can do a ceremony too without going into any detail at all about it being a vow renewal. It's really no one's business but your own.

I know there are people here who think this is a hideous idea, but frankly, I have never seen anyone at my weddings express any interest in whether the license was being signed that day. They're just happy to be celebrating your union.

I think it's really your call, but I would advise you to do a civil ceremony in the USA before you do a symbolic ceremony in another country. It is ALWAYS easier, not only for the legality of the original ceremony, but in any future transaction when you have to prove you're married.

I personally think that there are plenty of times when an elopement followed by celebration is acceptable, and this definitely qualifies as one of them. I don't think anyone will begrudge you having the big celebration at a later date.

I have been to 2 celebrations of marriage, as for various reasons both couples had a quick civil ceremony a few months before. Both of them wore a big dress, had a wedding party and had their fathers walk them down the aisle. We even still had a kitchen tea for the one (instead of gifts we made a recipe book for her).

The only thing that they didn't do was register for gifts.

Call your venue and see if they can push everything back for you. I bet many vendors will be willing to work with you in this situation.

And if you decide to get married now, you can still have the celebration party later. You can wear a dress (I'd steer clear of anything overly bridal), cut the bridal party and pre wedding parties though.

Spotlight dances are fine, you can still have cake and pretty decor.

You can absolutely still have a wedding party, a wedding dress, and have your dad walk you down the aisle. You are deploying, which is a very valid reason to have a big vow renewal. Thank you for your and FH's service!

Thank you all for your responses! I could not find anything positive online about having a second wedding "ceremony" with all the same details as a normal wedding so it's refreshing to hear positive feedback. My family knows about the elopement (it was my parents & grandparents suggestion) so I'm not sure why I thought anyone would be disappointed in our decision. Overthinking it I guess! So I think what we'll probably do is a renewal of vows, but still have a wedding party and have my dad walk me down the isle. It will look like a wedding, but won't be advertised as one. I feel SO much better now, this community is wonderful!

Can you call your venue and vendors and see about moving your date up?

If I owned a venue or was a vendor and knew that deployment was the reason for your change of date I would do everything in my power to help you.

Thank you for your service!

I think there is nothing wrong at all with what you want to do. No one is going to be upset about this given the circumstances. And thank you both for your service. My husband is a retired marine

I'm going to start by saying, usually, I am an ardent "you get one wedding, no PPD after elopement" person. My FI and I have a tricky situation (citizens of two different countries, residents of a third country). And my only requirement was that we only have ONE wedding, the day of the legal ceremony.

So with that background - this absolutely does not apply in cases of military deployment. In this case, the fact that you are putting your life in danger to serve your country trumps "wedding etiquette." It is ok to tell your guests, or not. But make sure you and your family are all on the same page, as well as the officiant knowing that no paperwork should be filed.

Also, @Celia is right. Especially because there is a military deployment involved, I would be cautious of a marriage outside of the US. Being married gives you and your FI rights, including survivors benefits, and god forbid something goes wrong with the foreign paperwork that can't be fixed in time. (Sorry to be a debbie downer, my career is helping people plan for these types of situations before they happen).

@SwissMs and @Celia, you both bring up excellent points and I honestly didn't think of complications being a possibility so I appreciate your advice! I will look into the reliability of Sandals' wedding services as well as check out some other US options. Thanks so much!

I'm doing just that. My husband and I eloped to Vegas last December (he's in the navy) and we're still having the whole nine yards next December. Theoretically you only get one wedding so you need to do it exactly as you want. Some people know we already got married but we don't feel the need to tell everyone and we're still having a regular wedding ceremony. We didn't want a stranger performing the ceremony and now we get to have my dad do it because technically we're already married, and it makes it that much more special. He's going to the Harley rally in Sturgis for his bachelor party in August and I'm going to Virginia with my best friends in May for my bachelorette party. I'm getting a beautiful wedding dress and he's wearing his dress uniform. We're taking two weeks after and road tripping up the entire west coast for our honeymoon. We're doing everything we want to do because it's our life. We fell in love having fun and we want to make the most fun life together possible.

We don't care about the wedding, we care about the marriage. I care about waking up every single day and trying to be a better person, trying to do right by my partner, and trying to make his world even more wonderful than he could imagine. That's why I wouldn't care if anyone had the balls to tell me to do something we didn't want to do, we'd carry on just as we are and you should too. Moral of the story, if anyone complains and says "but why?????" just say why not. It's your life, live it to the fullest.

If you want to have two wedding ceremonies, have two ceremonies. If you want to call it a vow renewal, that's fine too. It's whatever you want. Wear whatever dress you want, have whatever events you want, tell whomever you want what you want them to know about the whole situation. In the end, it's about you and your FH and what you want to do.

We're doing the same thing - church / legal this year and ceremony next year. And it's gonna be a ceremony with every kit and caboodle. So, do whatever you want. The only people you have to make happy are you and your FH. Those closest to you will love whatever you decide and celebrate it with you.

And thank you and your fiance for your service. You sacrifice so much and too often don't get the credit for it.

If it were me, I would go to the courthouse now and get married, take your amazing honeymoon (or just call it a vacation) at Sandals, and have the celebration of marriage party when you planned. Not sure which Sandals you are going to, but I know in Mexico there is a bunch of hoops to jump through before getting legally married there, and I wouldn't want to spend time and money doing that when I could be at the pool with a drink. Also, as PP said, you want the marriage to be bulletproof recognized in the US. Good luck, and thank you for your service!

View Quoted Comment My husband and I are doing the same thing! He’s in the Navy and we recently eloped for financial reasons but I’m still planning on a wedding next year for the family. My parents know but I’m not sure how to announce this on social media. What did you guys do? I don’t want to disappoint other relatives that we already eloped and possibly ruin the ceremony but I also hate putting engaged because his coworkers already know plus I feel like I’m lying.