I am not sure that I really understand or agree with the elopement = no gift rule of thumb. Isn't the gifting about helping the couple start their lives together, not an exchange for a attending a party? It shouldn't matter if someone has a giant blow out, a picnic, or an elopement. Based on your relationship to a couple and your gifting ability, shouldn't you give the same in all scenarios? Its not about the party, its about the marriage at the end of the day.