Elopement and gift etiquette

View Quoted Comment Not to me personally, simply pointing out something you stated in your own post. For me, like said, it's a thank you for the party.

Hmmmm... as someone is eloping I'm not sure. Even if I was having a regular wedding I still wouldn't expect anyone to give a gift. Them coming is enough. Not everyone can afford there gift but they can attend to show they care and want to personally congratulate the bride groom.
I'm not doing a registry and if someone gets me a gift that's great but I'm not expecting it. I don't really think anyone we know is even considering giving us a gift actually since we are eloping.
I think traditionalist believe wedding = gift, eloping= no gift.
I'm torn though...I understand your point if view. It should be about congratulations and helping the new couple start there lives together, unfortunately not everyone thinks that way.
I wouldn't say anything but just be happy and thank them if they do.
Good luck

View Quoted Comment I agree with pirates & 60s bride

View Quoted Comment Maggie,

Alot of people put the registries on there invites or on an info card that's with the invite. It makes sense when the questions arise....what should I gift you? Were are you registered? Etc....

Before we planned to elope I had to hurry up and make website that included some kind of registry because alot of family and friends were asking. I finally said it will be on the invite.
Not that it matters now cause we are eloping in 25 days but that was my experience. I took down my site but then again we aren't having a party or anything afterwards.
A friend of ours eloped and didn't so a registry or anything but had a card box at their party.
Most of our other friends included the registry link on their invites.
Its personal choice and what works best for Bride groom etc...not distasteful at all just relieves multiple questions

If my bff eloped. I'd give her a 🎁
I probably wouldn't give a gift to anyone else that eloped...unless they were family.

If there was a wedding celebration, after they eloped, and I attended.... I would bring a gift

FH and I are eloping. I don't feel like presents are owed to me bc I'm have a life milestone or need to be celebrated. Our gift is our quiet peaceful wedding. We're having a nice dinner when we get back with our closest friends and that's it. To each his own 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It just simply wouldn't occur to me unless I was close to the person.

I think it's simple. If you don't throw the big party, you cannot expect gifts to come showering in. If a person really wants to give you a gift, then they will whether you elope or throw a huge blow-out wedding. But there's no expectation without the party. So if you're asking for yourself, you just need to lower your expectations. If you're asking b/c you have a friend eloping, go ahead and send a gift if you'd like.

I guess I think you should never expect gifts. But yes you do not want to have a wedding where you invite people That is fine. But to say hey give me a gift is well rude. You immediately family may give gifts. But to expect it and get upset is not ok ever even if you have a wedding.

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I think its more complicated than this.

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Oh I didn't think anyone said "hey give me a gift"

I don't think most couples who elope expect a gift (and one is not required), however if you are really close to the couple, I would consider sending something. My best friend didn't want to go through the stress of having a wedding and decided to elope. I ended up getting her personalized coasters with their elopement date. She was totally surprised and kept thanking me and talking about how she loved the gift! I get the impression she didn't get many other gifts, and this definitely brightened her day to know someone was thinking of them.

I agree with PP that if it was my best friend or my brother, I would probably get them a small gift (more likely a gift card and a drink though, nothing big).

If it was a distant friend or relative, no I wouldn't get them a gift.

As cold as what I'm about to say sounds, someone inviting you to watch one of the biggest days or their lives come to fruition and then buy you a nice meal and drinks is very different than the after-party, so to speak. NOT to say that I'm against elopements- My FH and I considered it. I just don't think they can be compared and while I get your thought on it, I think it's a very individual one. Again, this may sound cold, but I have always thought of gift as a "thank you for inviting me to your big day and spending a decent amount of money for me and my SO to be here"

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I think that can go both ways. I recently just had friends who eloped...they were on the edge of getting married and went out of town to elope. You say these people are close to you, but they feel the same way and may be hurt in the decision you both just eloped and they are hearing about it afterwards. I came here to try and figure out what to do for my friends...I am hurt that they did not allow us to even be witnesses at the courthouse...I am sending a card, and my FH and I are going to take them to dinner. But it just sucks!

For me personally, if my guests give a gift great and if they don’t still great! I’m not even including a registry on my wedding website or invitations. I may put a honeymoon fund jar at the reception for spending money. Proper etiquette would be to not ask for or expect a gift if you're eloping. You should really only get a gift in exchange for having the wedding and inviting guests. Kind of like you pay for a wedding, they give you a gift. If your family and friends give you a gift let it be because they want to, not because you made them feel obligated to do so.

An elopement is a private affair. Even as it is a great occasion it is a matter of a two people being married legally. Because it is purposefully is being held in suclussion gifts are therefore excluded.

Congrats! Don't let any petty talk get you down.

There will definitely be people who want to send you something to wish you well. It's nice for them to have a way to know what you might like. At the same time, I wouldn't expect anything.

It's about your relationship. The etiquette police aren't going to come after you. Have fun!

My fiancé and I are eloping. All my relatives are requesting a registry to give gifts. I was not expecting this. But here we are. Hope that perspective helps. Registries are helpful for people who love you that may want to give a gift. Regardless. A registry is helpful, and never expect no matter if it’s an Elopement or full ceremony.

A registry can be very helpful, and including it in an invitation is the height of tacky rudeness.

Sheesh, lots of negativity on here and I agree with the OP for the most part. My wife and I eloped one week ago and created a registry only because of family members who asked. We did not expect a gift from anyone, but there were still friends and family who sent gifts and checks.

We also sent out notices WITHOUT mention of the registry website, but for well wishes, tips and advice in return so we could read on our wedding day. Of the ~40 cards returned to us from friends and family, about a third sent back a check or left a gift on the registry. Again NOT expected at all, but very kind of those who did.

I completely disagree that a gift/check should be given in return to match the “per person” cost of the wedding. Let’s say “Sarah” is getting married. She has an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding. Her bestie “Beth,” is invited to and expected at every event, otherwise all hell will break loose. These events will not only cost Beth hundreds of dollars, if not more, but days of her time! Two years later, Beth decides to elope – should Sarah not give Beth a gift because she isn't doing it the "traditional" way?

…Furthermore, traditionally, the wedding is paid for by the bride’s family, so if the purpose of the gift is to match the amount spent on the wedding, shouldn’t the check be made out to the parents of the bride, Sarah, then?

The beauty of eloping is that there are no rules and it seems like there are some angry people on this thread who maybe wish they did.