Elopement & Family Emotions

Honestly, there's not a lot you can do about other people's feelings. All you can do is apologize for hurting them and move forward with your plans. Hopefully they will come to forgive you over time, in their own way. And for the record, I am not saying there is anything at all wrong with eloping; but the fact is that lots of people in your life are going to have strong feelings about it.

For anyone who is thinking about an elopement but hasn't told family yet, it's usually better to tell them afterwards. They still might be hurt, but there's literally nothing they can do about it at that point. If you tell them before, you might have to deal with them trying to change your mind/bargain/bribe you and still be upset.

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Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your response. Now that I know what I know, I have to agree with you. Since my mother and sister are like my best friends, I couldn't imagine NOT telling them about it and I also wanted them to be a part of the dress/planning process to include them in that way. However, It did not turn out that way. If I would have known it was going to happen like this, I would've saved myself the pain until AFTER my wedding.

I'm in a similar situation, and it stinks!

Honestly, just remember that the marriage is about you and your partner, not your family. While it is nice to be able to have everyone's love and support that won't always be the case. If this is what you truly want, then do it! At some point in the future they'll come back around and it won't really matter. On the other hand, if you really want them there, then you've got to just pick a date and they can choose whether or not it is important enough for them to make arrangements to attend.

In my honest opinion, anyone who reacts to you making a choice in YOUR relationship, and about YOUR wedding in a negative way, doesn't deserve to be there anyway. It shows that they value their own feelings over respecting you and your happiness.

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Thanks for your honest opinion and sorry you're dealing with something similar... It does suck! I communicated this exact same thing to my sister about supporting and respecting my decisions since it was not to offend anyone, just about me and my future husband getting married with our children present in one of our bucket list destinations and our goals. It surprises me the way she reacted to it and it has me questioning our entire relationship since I've always supported her as well. I think you are right and hoping that with time, everyone comes around to support me. I am continuing with my plans and although I am still very excited about our wedding and over the moon, I can't help feel some sadness about the whole situation.

Agree with Maggie: you can't decide how your family members feel but it's important that you and your future husband do what you want, especially since the 2 of you are on the same page on this. While I can see why family members are hurt by an elopment, they can't tell you and your hubbie

" how to get married "
"For anyone who is thinking about an elopement but hasn't told family yet, it's usually better to tell them afterwards": One thousand percent agree !!
But the fact your sister cut you off is extremely selfish of her.

I know where you're coming from: Even though we're not eloping, we're having a middle-sized, semi-formal wedding, we are skipping more than half of traditions (bouquet and garter tosses, special dances with parents, my dad is not walking me down the aisle nor giving me away, etc...), a secular ceremony and a reception at a restaurant but my dad, his mom and 3 of our grandparents want us to do a catholic ceremony and a ballroom or banquet for the reception. We know we prefer to plan the wedding our way and upset parents and GP (even with the risk of some GP not attending, since 2 of them made this threat) , rather than doing what THEY want at the expense of our own happiness.

Best of luck to you and your man.