Elopement this Fall Commitment/renewal next year?

No, that isn't selfish. My fiance and I are getting legally married with a small ceremony in October and our big wedding is in March. We will still do a ceremony for the big wedding and that is where I will wear my actual dress for everyone to see. I don't see a problem with it! But again I may be biased because thats exactly what we are doing lol.

I hope your grandma is okay! I think it’s a nice idea to do a small ceremony this year to make sure she is included, but definitely tell people you are married otherwise they might be upset next year realizing it’s a vow renewal/recommitment ceremony and that they aren’t seeing you get married. I don’t think anyone should be upset that you are doing it this way, you have a very valid reason.
As far as parties and stuff, it’s up to someone to offer to throw them, and even if you don’t get married this year someone may not offer next year. Covid threw a wrench in the plans for my shower and bachelorette, and I know my MOHs are trying to figure out something with so much still being closed, but if it doesn’t happen the important thing is we are getting married. I understand wanting the celebrations and excitement, but lots of people don’t get the extra stuff, and that’s all it is is extra.
If we have to cancel our plans this year, we will elope and have a vow renewal and reception next year (or 2022, depending on availability) with everyone we planned to invite. I think that’s going to be happening much more in the next couple of years due to the circumstances. Do what is best for you and your FH.

I’m doing the same thing you’re thinking of! I had booked my October 2021 wedding back in Jan/Feb of this year and am now concerned about family members’ health/Covid in general. So we are getting married exactly one year before the big celebration we had already planned so we can keep the big celebration as a one year vow renewal. We are going to announce that we’re married. My husband will wear a ring. I was debating getting a wedding band from the beginning so if I find one I like I will get it for the one year vow renewal. Honestly, I am not sure about showers/bachelorette (more due to Covid than already being married). My family and friends are spread out throughout the country so everything will be a destination. I think I will try to plan a “girls weekend away” before the vow renewal if it seems safe. I don’t think already being married will take away from the fun of 2021 and my extended family and friends have been super supportive so far and think it’s a great idea to get married now. You just never know!

We were supposed to get married in Nov 2020 and pushed it to Nov 2021, but for several reasons we decided to elope in June. We told everyone we got married, but still plan to have a big wedding next year, COVID-willing.

That’s exactly what we’re doing...Fmil’s health isn’t so great & both our parents are getting up there in age so we want to get married with just them and have a renewal/celebration next year 😊

Totally do the small ceremony with the family only! It’s not selfish at all to do the big wedding celebration next year. With Covid times, there are no more rules.

Thank you all for the advice! There's still a lot for us to talk about to figure out if it's even possible (we all don't live in the same state). It would be difficult to do in my grandparents' backyard (my grandma does not have the strength to leave her house) and tell my aunts and uncles they can't come since everyone on my side lives within a few miles of each other but my FH's family would all be out of state and I don't want to be unfair to anyone especially my FH. He loves the idea but not all living in the same state makes things tricky. I appreciate everyone's input!