Elopement

The etiquette rule is that anyone invited to a pre-wedding event must be invited to the wedding itself, so a shower and a bachelorette would be inappropriate in this situation. Unfortunately, you can't have it all, or rather it would not be considerate. A delayed reception is fine, but that's a celebration, not your wedding. People may or may not prioritize attendance in quite the same way, which is their prerogative. Most people will be expecting a wedding invitation to follow if you invite them to pre-wedding events. The risk is being seen as gift grabby.

View Quoted Comment We are planning on not having a registry. as we have everything we need. even if we have a reception and whatnot just because they’re not apart of the ceremony it may create friction? the only thing not traditional would be the ceremony… do u think even then the pre wedding activities are inappropriate

You want to get married just you and your husband, because you don't want to host a fancy wedding. But you also want to have all the pre wedding events of a shower (literally the entire point is to give gifts), and a bach (typically hosted by bridal party in honor of bride)


From the outside looking in it *seems* that you two won't to have all the gifts and fun, but not have any responsibility of hosting an event.
That being said it's very common, in my parts, that eloping and having a larger post-wedding party. But that's it. No gifting or pre wedding events. I would make it like a "post I do bbq" or something that makes it very laid back

Pre wedding parties are a faux pas with an elopement. The etiquette rules have not changed due to Covid to allow them, regardless if people believe that they can do anything they want.


One thing that people don’t talk about or they say is wrong information is that the reception is actually where the bulk of the expense is. If you want to elope (which is not a micro wedding despite definitions being changed) then great. But don’t say that you are saving money when you plan to have a full reception later. A ceremony doesn’t cost more than the fees for officiant and marriage license. Announcements are sent after the wedding has passed to all loved ones who were not invited and are as inexpensive or expensive as you want them to be. The reception is where the per person cost comes in and it is not expected if there is a true elopement. Some people say you can not get away with just cake and coffee because a full meal must be served no matter what, whether they want one or not, even if someone is on a budget and if they can’t afford it they are told to cut the guest list instead of opting for low cost food choices that are not a full meal. Another option that people say is not on the table, “because it’s impolite” though it is not, is to skip the reception and move forward with married life by having groups of people over to your home to celebrate at a dinner party or bbq and don’t make it wedding related at all. People forget or disregard that they can and are encouraged/expected to entertain loved ones outside of wedding events throughout the course of their married lives.

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Yes, no matter what the "anything goes crowd" may say, pre-wedding activities are considered inappropriate when you elope, regardless. Showers are by definition about presents and people will still bring gifts of their own choosing. Not having a registry only means you aren't thinking about the gifts you might receive and is irrelevant. Likewise a bachelorette party is meant to celebrate a wedding to which participants are invited.

View Quoted Comment If you don’t have a registry, be prepared to receive gifts you don’t want and can’t return. Not every social group gives cash gifts so don’t bank on that as the default.


Don’t call the post wedding party a reception. Some people don’t take kindly to attending a reception for a ceremony they were not invited to. But they will not judge you if you have a true elopement with no party afterwards.

The thing is we only wanted the elopement… but it’s crazy cause our family wants us to have at least a reception and pre party events and i don’t think they realize it can cause more harm than good! this has been enlightening… i’m excited to share with them these comments… cause honestly whatever my fiancé andI decide to do i like to know other parts of potential gaps… thanks everyone for input!

Elopements happen for all kind of reasons. Etiquette has no issue whatsoever with having a delayed celebration. The invitations would read "a celebration of marriage" as opposed to inviting guests to the "marriage of." The only issue here would be trying to pass it off as a (fake) wedding, which to your credit you aren't doing.

View Quoted Comment I LOVE this thanks so much we’re still in early planning but literally you all made my point seem very valid so i can explain to fam and friends why we won’t have such things prior and may host a party after!

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Best of luck!

I think the pre wedding events would be fine, because you are have a wedding with guests without the ceremony. Just beware that a lot of venues don't allow kegs. Also, I saw a wedding a Sandals in Jamaica and it was so sweet!

View Quoted Comment We have a local place that allows us to buy kegs and stuff 😊 and that’s what sold us we saw a few and we’re like WOW