Eloping (to bring parents or not to bring parents)

Btw, were having a reception a few days after to celebrate our marriage with everyone so it’s not like anyone would be completely missing out.

I think you have to go with initial plan of what YOU want

i could see trying to compruif both parents were physically able but think that catering to them only is a bad idea

might be good on many levels so mom knows you are an adult and doing what is best for your family now instead of what mommy wants

I would cut out parents. Whatever is going to enable you to to stay happy and stress free on the day.

This is a question only you and your fiancé can answer. I’d say skip the parents but it’s about what makes you two feel comfortable.

I wouldn't invite any parents at all. A secret like that cannot be hidden for long, specially because there will be pictures to prove it.

I’d say skip the parents, but can you maybe reread your vows (or read different vows) or something at the reception a few days later?

Personally it would be a matter of how much *I* want my parents there? How much it will hurt them? How long term the impact on our relationship will be? My parents were one pretty much the only thing besides FH that I WANTED ON MY WEDDING! But everyone is different, so really it is about you and FH and how you both feel.

Since you are having a reception later, go with your gut and don’t have any parents there but maybe set up a tripod or something to video it for them and show them later

I'd say either all or none when it comes to your parents. I imagine your FMIL would be very hurt if she ever found out.

That said, my sister eloped and I know it disappointed my parents, especially my father since I know he's always wanted to walk his girls down the aisle. When I was getting married there was no way I wasn't giving him that.

I know you want your wedding where you want it and to have it just be the two of you, but like little girls dream of their weddings, daddies dream of walking those same little girls down the aisle. Before you make your decision, maybe think about that too if the two of you are close.

If you don’t want them there, you should go with your gut, but you need to be prepared to deal with any possible repercussions. Is this going to permanently damage your relationship with your parents?

I wouldn’t keep any secrets. I would think if it came out it could have the potential to negatively impact your and your fiances relationship with your fiances mom. It’s up to you if you want to invite your parents or not, but I would be honest with everyone about the decision. It’s your immediate family and they will definitely have feelings about your decision either way.

Either all or no parents - it wouldn't be fair for your parents to be able to go and not FHs mother.

I do have to say that I know it is your day and you should do what makes you happiest but you definitely have to consider the long term consequences if you decide no parents.

Your mother is very clearly excited and wants to be there for your day. I can't imagine how she would feel if her daughter got married without her there. My mother was more excited for my wedding than I was. As PP mentioned - girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day, but parents also dream of their children's day as well. It is very exciting for them.

Not inviting them would obviously hurt your parents - would it also damage your relationship with them going forward?
Whichever you choose, it is an important decision and you don't want to look back on that day with regrets.

It’s your wedding so do what you want. I think it’s sad though, reading this made me feel bad for your parents since they are what to be there for you and be involved but I don’t know the full extent of your relationship and things so go with your gut. Maybe at the celebration you could offer your and his parents to do a blessing or a toast to include them? Or walk in with your dad to the celebration?
Happy planning!

My situation is similar... I am eloping and thankfully my parents are (to my face at least) excepting it.. idk if it’s because they can’t afford to help with a traditional wedding or anything (which is 100% fine) but we had disagreements on the elopement too, now my FH mom and grandma will absolutely not fly... so we decided to just not invite any family, personally I am a little sad, although I knew my family wouldn’t have the money to come ( they probably could make it work) but we decided to just have it be us and our two best friends. I’m a little bummed but I wanted to be fair towards FH family since they wouldn’t be able to fly.

It’s hard to please everyone and that’s what I learned through all of it, it doesn’t mean that we don’t love everyone and stuff, but it’s hard for only half the family to witness when we both have family who would like too see us marry.

I can tell my mom is a little sad about it since I told her not to come ( well I said it a little nicer than that obviously haha) but since FH family can’t, but she respects our decision, even though it’s hard for her. But I just eventually got over it, I was beating myself up about it, but I just had to face it that it wasn’t fair even if it was upsetting to half of the family..

I would say find a different way to make them nit feel left out, dress shopping, or if you are having a reception still allow them to share a special time with you.

We’re planning to elope as well. I’d cut out everyone. My fiancé and I are just having us. That’s all!

I'm in a very similar boat. My parents want to go to our elopement, but health issues will mean that at least one of my FH's parents couldn't attend. But even if just one parent comes on his side, then he'll also want to include his kids. Then I'll want to include my sister and best friend to help keep me sane, and it quickly spirals into a small wedding where the day is all about making sure everyone else is having a good time and not about just the two of us and a promise we're making... which is the opposite of what we both really want. So I'd love to know what you decided to do and how you broke the news.

View Quoted Comment We decided to let my parents come since he has a stronger relationship with my parents than his own so he felt they needed to be there too. What were going to do for his parents is have them write a special letter for him to open before he walks down the aisle. (We’re saying I’m doing the letter thing with my parents too). And then my FH’s brother is going to surprise his parents the morning of ceremony with a letter from my FH to his parents so they can read it and feel a part in it, and have something to forever cherish.

It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we could come up with to make sure everyone felt included.

View Quoted Comment

That's a really creative compromise! I love the idea of the special letter exchange so no one feels left out who cannot be there.