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Dedicated October 2019

Eloping?

Anna, on January 26, 2018 at 10:26 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 28
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Please, no harsh comments I can’t deal with it today. I’ve always been back and forth about having a wedding. More of me has always wanted to just elope. I was getting excited about a wedding, but I just feel like I’ll mess it up (and by some of the conversations on here I’m likely to.) My fiancé and I have always leaned more towards elopement anyway. We want to put the money towards a baby, which is something we want more than a wedding. We talked about eloping and he wants to do it, but I feel like I’m taking away from his mother. My mom surprised me by saying it was okay if I did (she wanted me to have a wedding because she regrets not having one.) His Mom has two boys and most likely the only one getting married is him. I asked if she would be upset and he said she would get over it. I’m also worried his family (snobs) will say that we are pregnant or skipped a wedding because he is poor. (He didn’t grow up with money and they often made comments about it, evident in his cousins comments to him about it. Which is funny because the worst ones are currently in debt. 😅😒) I don’t want him to deal with more comments every time we go around them, he says he doesn’t care but it bothers him. Can someone please give me advice?

28 Comments

Latest activity by MzTiff, on January 29, 2018 at 8:23 PM
  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    It sounds like both of you really want to elope. I say go for it! You could always have a small celebration/reception a few weeks after for close family. And by close, I don't mean the cousins that make inappropriate comments.

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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    We weren’t wanting to invite them to the wedding anyway. His mom might have pushed for it, though. Thank you for the support.
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    Our original plans were to elope but even though his mom said she was ok with it I could tell she wanted us to have a wedding. He’s an only child. Now we’re having a small wedding and I regret changing my mind. It was so much easier when it was just us. We didn’t have to accommodate other people and stick to a schedule. I loved the romantic idea of it only being the two of us.
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  • Nichole
    Dedicated May 2018
    Nichole ·
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    Elope! We are. If it will make you happy and you can block out everyone else's opinion of how they think YOUR wedding should be then I say go for it. Just remember it's YOUR wedding
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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    I wouldn't stress myself out over something that I didn't feel 100% about doing. Weddings are stressful, expensive, and time-consuming! If your heart isn't in it, I wouldn't do it just because that's what his mother wants. Have you considered inviting immediate family only and just having a nice dinner afterwards?

    A reception is just a party, and you can always have one of those later on if you choose, to celebrate an anniversary or vow renewal.

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  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    What about a compromise? You could have a small ceremony with only your parents and siblings in attendance, and then just take everyone out to dinner to celebrate afterwards. That way, you won't have much to plan other than making a reservation at a restaurant, but your parents can still be there to witness it and support you. But only do that if you want your parents and siblings there. If you truly want to elope just you and your FH, then it's completely fine to do that as well.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Can you include parents when you elope? You get to do your thing but they atill
    get to be a part of it , so you don’t have to worry so much about hurt feelings.
    Tiny little private ceremony and family dinner after?
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  • Future Louie
    Super August 2019
    Future Louie ·
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    Definitely elope - it seems like that's what you and your FH would much rather have. Save yourself the stress and do what makes you happy! As far as family members spreading rumors, don't pay any mind to them. They'll realize you didn't get married because you were pregnant when you don't have a baby shortly after being married. They'll realize you're not poor when you spoil your future child or spend the 'wedding money' on a house or something else for your future. At the end of the day, while their opinions and rumors are highly irritating, you'll have your FH and the life you both want.

    Like someone mentioned, you could always end up taking the parents/immediate family out to dinner after your elopement to celebrate and have them feel a part of your wedding (and maybe deter any "they're too poor to afford a wedding" rumors Smiley winking ).

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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    He doesn’t like his family much and his brother even got skipped over for the title of best man. He actually named six people that he would want to take with us. Three for me and three for him, and I’m beyond okay with that. My mom wouldn’t be one of those people and you know how moms can be... I just don’t want to upset anyone.
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    Don’t worry about upsetting anyone. Do what you and FH want. I’m having a very small wedding and none of my guests are family.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    Honestly, the whole “poor” thing bothers me a lot. It’s just rude and I hate that they would constantly mess with him (he actually has a great income and savings account now.) I know what they say isn’t true, but I hate going around them during holidays to hear the comments or be completely ignored. We both hate the majority of his family, they wouldn’t be invited either way. It just gets to me because it gets to him and then he gets upset because I’m upset and then it just builds. lol.
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  • Future Louie
    Super August 2019
    Future Louie ·
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    Totally understandable!! For one, it's rude to even bring up another person's finances even if they are family. Is there a potential to skip holidays with his family given both of your feelings towards his family?

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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
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    If the two of you want to elope, then you should do it. Make the decision that is best for you, and don't worry yourselves about the comments others (his cousins) will potentially make. Their opinions don't matter.

    If the two of you are concerned about either of your parents feeling sad about missing out on being a part of things, you could plan to invite your parents and maybe siblings (immediate family) to witness your wedding, or you could plan an intimate celebration (maybe invite them out for a celebratory dinner) with them and a few of your closest friends after you return from your elopement. Choose what will make the two of you happiest.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    We skipped Thanksgiving and one of the Christmas parties this year, but we usually go to Christmas because that is the only time he gets to see his favorite uncle (he lives pretty far away) and his one of his family members gives everyone (family) $400. So, I don’t blame him for that one. Really, I think the only reason to bring up financial issues about another person is if they are living with you. Ex: The person is living off of other people and are perfectly capable of working.
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  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    Elope if you want but ... budgets can be worked out .. but if you need to save money to have a child you should probably advance your careers a bit .. kids aren't cheap .. money goes quick.. I'm a mom of 3 .. and between sports and Christmas we spend easly 10 k a year not including food, clothes (which are expensive ) , diapwrs ,Dr visits , dentist ( which is required by schools ) .. ect . Upgrade in living space .. is say we spend more raising kids in 1 year then wedding cost .. my vote would be enjoy a wedding and screw his family
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  • J
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Julie ·
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    This is what we are doing. Parents and siblings and our children. It still feels like eloping because it is a destination wedding and people are angry with us for not being able to come. It makes me feel we made the right decision. It’s for us, no one else. I believe you should be mindful of you mil to be and your mother...put yourself in their shoes, what if your child to be grew up and went away and you weren’t invited? It would be hurtful. Everyone is different though and you need to make sure it’s what you two want and what’s important to you. Good luck!
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  • Charli
    Expert May 2018
    Charli ·
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    If you're both leaning towards eloping I would say elope. I honestly regret that I started booking things before FH told me that he changed his mind and wanted to elope. We're having a small wedding of less than 40 people with our closest friends and family and it's going to be great and fun. But there are still many moments that I wish we just eloped and it was just the 2 of us whenever we decided we wanted to do it.

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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    I never said that we needed to save up for a child. I just said that we rather spend the money on a child over a wedding. Like, I would rather buy a more expensive crib (our own mattress is 4,000) and stroller, car seat, etc than spend the money on a wedding that I don’t 100% want when we have put more thought into kids from the beginning. Our housing arrangements are exactly how we want them right now, and I’m set to homestead a 4 bedroom soon. Thanks for your concern.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    Thanks for addressing the Mother in Law part. I’m not very close to her and he isn’t either (his childhood was rough.) She is pretty sweet and pretty sensitive so I think we are going to have to have a long discussion about our mothers. Neither one of us really want them there, don’t get me wrong we really do love our moms, but they are both overbearing at times and I don’t want a guilt trip.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2019
    Anna ·
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    It seems that quite a few of you regret not eloping. I’m with you that it seems a lot easier and more personal and intimate when it’s just the two of you. Do you know of anyone who regrets eloping? Trying to get the pros and cons of it.
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