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Just Said Yes October 2023

“Engagement Party”

Elena, on June 23, 2022 at 2:32 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 11

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We are decided to throw ourselves a “engagement party” well that is what everyone think it is but it’s actually a party to ask our closest friends to be part of our bridal party. Due to the hot weather we decided to move it to the restaurant we’re my fiancé and me work at. Originally it was going to be a small get together at the lake with our soon to be bridal party and closest family so a max of 30 people. The problem is that now it’s going be at a restaurant so my fiancé and me are going to let everyone pay for their food. So is that wrong ? We are going to still provide some finger foods and a lot of desserts such as a chocolate fountain, yogurt bar, two-tier cake, cheesecake, and a fruit tray. The thing is people think we are the wrong for letting people pay for any extra food they want as well as alcohol. So should we pay for it ?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on June 24, 2022 at 4:26 AM

Lady · on June 23, 2022 at 2:39 PM
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Since you're hosting, you should pay for it.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on June 23, 2022 at 2:40 PM
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It reflects poorly on you, as the hosts, to have guests open up their wallets. I wouldn't recommend having guests pay for their own food at an engagement party
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Savvy June 2024
Cristal · on June 23, 2022 at 2:41 PM
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I would personally be peeved to be invited somewhere to celebrate another person’s anything and be expected to pay. I’ve experienced this in the past and it is irritating and puts me off future invites from such people.
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Elena · on June 23, 2022 at 2:52 PM
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We do not expect them to pay for food that is why we are going to have small sandwiches, a charcuterie board, and all the desserts which was the original plan but we are just worried that they will see the menu and want stuff out of it. Also we will have drinks just not alcoholic drinks and we know his family are heavy drinkers. But we just want to plan ahead so we know to have extra money for it
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Savvy June 2024
Cristal · on June 23, 2022 at 3:07 PM
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I suppose it depends how long you want them there and if they’re aware it’s not a sit-down dinner even though it is at a restaurant therefore they can choose to eat well before, after, or go prepared to open up their wallets. I don’t see the alcohol as a big deal because people who want them will always find their way to them, but it seems to depend on social circles.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on June 23, 2022 at 3:26 PM
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Don’t ask anyone to be in your wedding party before 6 months before the wedding and ask individually on separate occasions. Also anytime you host a party, you cover all expenses.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 23, 2022 at 3:44 PM
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I agree with this, especially because the party is basically to ask these people to do the couple a favor (being in their wedding parties). If this happened to me, I would seriously worry about how much else would I have have to spend throughout the whole (more than a year!) planning process and wedding itself.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on June 23, 2022 at 3:50 PM
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Since you’re the host, you need to cover all expenses. Don’t make them have to open their wallets.

I also agree with the point about asking people individually to be in your wedding party. Every story I have heard where the bride or the couple brings them all together and asks in front of them ends with someone or multiple people’s feelings getting hurt about some aspect of it - angry about someone else getting MOH/Best Man, gossiping about people not there that they think should have been made a bridesmaid/groomsman, etc.
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Elena · on June 23, 2022 at 3:51 PM
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Thank you I actually had not had seen it that way when it came to asking people to be at our bridal party we might have to change our whole plan.
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Rockstar
Rosebud · on June 23, 2022 at 4:00 PM
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Hmm maybe don’t call it a party, I d just invite the group out for happy hour and get the first round of drinks and app or 2 for the table then others can do the next round. Good luck!
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on June 24, 2022 at 4:26 AM
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All of this. Asking people to be in the wedding party while in front of a crowd puts them on the spot, and possibly puts pressure on them to say yes. I would ask each of them privately without that pressure.
Wait until 6 months before the wedding to ask people, because you would be surprised how much changes. Look at some threads here for evidence of that.
When you ask people to gather to celebrate you and your wedding, it's good manners to cover all the expenses of the party.
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“Engagement Party”

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