Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes March 2020

Engagement Redo?

Flag
Hide content

Alexa, on June 1, 2019 at 8:52 AM

I know this is gonna sound strange but I got engaged a little over a year ago and while its always bothered me a little at how the day went, its recently started bothering me A LOT more. I am a perfectionist and extremely sentimental person. My engagement just didn't happen how I had always dreamed it would. Please spare the brat or spoiled comments. I am extremely grateful to be engaged to a wonderful man but things like this just tend to bother me to the point of not eating or sleeping.
It was the first hot day of spring so we had spent the day driving around with our dog trying to find a nice spot to get out and walk him in, (my FH was
planning to propose when we had gotten out at wherever we decided) but every park was extremely crowded and it was super hot,
which I hate, and my allergies starting acting up and only making me more upset so we
decided to just go home. A few hours later he kept nagging me to get up and try a different park now that the sun was going down and it would be less crowded. I kept saying no i wasnt in the mood, I didnt feel well etc etc. Finally he made me get up and I just threw on my hot pink egg pj pants and a sweater and some cat slippers and we went to this park on the water with our dog. I looked awful. I am not exaggerating at how awful I looked. Not only was my outfit terrible but my hair was a mess, i had a few eyelash extensions hanging on and was in desperate need of a new set, and my nails were ugly and I had 0 makeup on. Finally we get to this park and theres really no one there. So he walks the dog down a little bit and I was just mad. I was mad because i didnt feel well, mad
cause I didnt want to go to the park, and just overall not in a good mood. I walk over to one of those magnifying things in the park and when I looked in it it was dark cause it turns on with a quarter. When I turned around to ask for a quarter he was down on one knee. I was obviously crying and super happy but the other bad things that happened after this point made everything worse. Our dog started choking on a piece of wood while he was proposing so we had to stop and pull it out of his mouth which ruined the moment. Since my FH didnt really plan the proposal so well there was no one there to take pictures of us or record the moment happening so now I can barely remember it. In the pictures that I took of us afterwards, I just look awful. And then within 10 mins it started to rain so we had to leave. This whole memory that is supposed to be full of happiness is just tainted with all the bad things that happened that day and I just want a redo. I know it sounds bratty but please spare those comments. I am extremely emotional and sentimental and when something that I've dreamed of my whole life went opposite of how I imagined, it really tears me apart. I was thinking of traveling somewhere this September for my birthday and recreating that special moment and hes 100% on board with that. But I just feel
silly, but at the same time its ruining me that my engagement wasnt beautiful. Please give me thoughts, advice, reassurance or what to do.

Show all

59 Comments

Super September 2019
Iva · on June 1, 2019 at 11:36 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
You are welcome! I’m really glad if it helped 🤗 Remember, we are all brainwashed with perfect insta shots & Pinterest boards. But there is nothing better than your real life, very unique, rom-com 😉
You can always do a very special engagement photoshoot. Most of “picture perfect” proposal stories we see online are actually engagement photoshoot staged pics anyway lol.
- Reply
Master July 2019
Hannah · on June 1, 2019 at 11:40 AM
Flag

Hide content
The thing is that you can't recreate profound moments in your life. Life is not a movie set where you yell cut and take 2. Yes, you can recreate whatever you want, but it will be staged. You can't just swap out life events for better versions of them. Sure, you'll have these pictures, but you know that they are not the proposal. This is a moment that happens once. Personally, I think this is a moment that is private. Most people don't have photographs of the actual proposal because most people don't propose for Instagram. They propose for them as a couple. As others have said, your proposal is special because it is your proposal. You cannot "redo" life, as the initial moment will still be there. Also, your fiance clearly loves you very much since he is willing to go along with this, but I imagine he probably feels a bit hurt that what happened wasn't good enough for you. The proposal isn't amount the Instagram shots or whatever, it is about two people committing to themselves to each other in that moment. The rest is just background noise. Hell, I didn't even have a proposal. I had a conversation in which we decided we wanted to get married, and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way because that is still the moment we decided we wanted to get married. There wasn't even a ring until like 2 weeks later. This is all to say that "redo-ing" a moment in your life probably won't accomplish anything in helping you feel better. You will just look at these "perfect" photos and remember that this was a fake and staged moment.
- Reply
Expert August 2019
Tris · on June 1, 2019 at 11:48 AM
Flag

Hide content
I'm so sorry he didn't pick a better moment. It's a pretty sweet and endearing story though.
- Reply
Master September 2020
Jessica · on June 1, 2019 at 11:53 AM
Flag

Hide content
My proposal story isn’t this magical cinematic moment either. No one was around to take pictures. We were both FREEZING (wind chill was something like -23F) and I was being stubborn about getting back out of the car and going back down to the overlook when the sun finally started rising because I was cold and wanted breakfast. My FH stumbled over his carefully planned words and barely go out something akin to “will you be my wife?”, the ring was 2 1/2 sizes too big so I couldn’t wear it. However, when I look back at everything I don’t focus on any of those details. I focus on the look on my FH’s face when he asked, and his smile when I said yes. I was wearing 3 layers of clothing topped with a men’s carhart coat to stay warm, I’m sure I looked like a marshmallow, but it didn’t matter to him so why should it matter to me? Even if you do a “redo,” the original proposal isn’t erased, will it really stop bothering you? Probably not.
I understand letting things nag on you, I’ve struggled with severe anxiety for around 15+ years. What has helped me is finding people I trust to confide in and going to them when I need help, but the main thing is finding a way to let go of things. I write in a journal, but I know people who paint, sculpt, run... I hope you can find an outlet that works for you, because holding it all in will cause bigger issues down the road. Good luck.
- Reply
Expert August 2019
Tris · on June 1, 2019 at 11:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
I didn't get a proposal really. I wanted my fiance to buy a ring and propose. We were together 5 years before we had our daughter. Finally I got tired of waiting and said enough is enough. Valentine's weekend I straight up told him we were going to the jewelry store. He picked the rings. Our daughter was there. It is a nice memory, I guess. After the ring came in on my size he asked me to marry him while we were just standing in the kitchen. No suprise, no proposal. It hurts my feelings sometimes.

I'm trying to let it go. I keep telling myself that what matters to me more will be our vows.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Brooke · on June 1, 2019 at 12:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
Fh uncle accidentally gave it away, indirectly, and I didn't tell them I knew what was going to happen. While it saddened me that I wasn't as surprised as I wished, because I kinda knew it was going to happen later that night, I'm just happy to be engaged to him. If you're happy to spend the rest of your life with him, get over it 🤦 not everything gets to happen exactly as planned. You want to marry him, be happy that he asked you to.
- Reply
Devoted November 2019
Heather · on June 1, 2019 at 12:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
My engagement was interrupted by an urgent call from his boss to go to work so the moment lasted about 30 seconds. A "perfect" engagement story would be so boring it wouldnt even be worth telling the story. Like others have said, this is one of those stories that you can tell for years and laugh. People would much rather hear an interesting funny story than a ho hum sunset perfect proposal. I remember an awful family vacation groing up but we look back and laugh about how many things went wrong- flash flood while camping, gluing my fingers to my moms fingers while trying to apply her nails and waiting forever for my dad to find a store to get supplies to separate us, etc. We joke that our family vacations/holidays are like National Lampoons. Life is a series of funny mishaps and moments of joy/sorrow in the chaos. Work with your therapist to lessen your anxiety symptoms (maybe include some medication) and enjoy the unexpected ride of life. You will find happiness in those moments. You may get a laugh when your perfect family photos come back with your 4yr old boys hand down the front of his pants. My little brother did that and we discovered it when we opened the local newspaper. Lol You cant make this stuff up but you can laugh, laugh, laugh. You cant control a lot in life and accepting that and focusing on your response to those ups/downs will make for an adventurous happy life. Good luck to you and be grateful you found a patient and loving man in your life. Many dont even get to have a jacked up proposal from a good man so dont screw it up being too neurotic about little things. Much love.
- Reply
Super July 2021
Alycia · on June 1, 2019 at 12:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
I actually love your story! Your kids and grandkids will get a lot of laughs when you tell them someday. It’s all in your attitude. You can look at it with love and humor, or you can feel negative because it wasn’t a typical proposal. All I can think is “Who would want a typical story?” Your story is like Lizzy and Mr Darcy. (Pride and Prejudice... one of the greatest romance stories ever) Rain pouring down, both looked messy, he was nervous and she was mad at him. 😄
- Reply
Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 1, 2019 at 12:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
Wait!!! You’re actually serious?? A redo? Lol!!! You mention being sentimental, yet you want to do a fake, scripted and planned-out reenactment? 🤔 You’re saying that the proposal wasn’t what YOU imagined. But it’s not for YOU to plan out. And if you wanted something perfect then maybe YOU could’ve asked him to marry you and the proposal could have gone off without a glitch.

Life isn’t perfect. And neither will your marriage be. So hopefully you’ll be able to bounce back from anything that isn’t “the way you imagined it”. The main focus needs to be on the fact that you’re marrying the person you love. So maintaining the marriage is much more important than the proposal. And in the meantime, you have an entire wedding to plan. So you can work on making that the perfect fairytale you image.
- Reply
Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 1, 2019 at 1:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
EXACTLY!!!! Lol I had to scroll and scroll just read the entire post… Yet the proposal is hardly remembered. 😐
- Reply
Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on June 1, 2019 at 2:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
Life isn't perfect, nor is it a movie, or a perfectly scripted moment planned to get likes and attention on social media. Part of growing up is learning to manage expectations and realizing that everything isn't always going to go exactly as we want it to and being able to accept that. The only thing that dwelling on this is going to accomplish is making your FH feel like crap and wonder if he'll ever be able to meet your expectations.
- Reply
Super October 2019
Kelly · on June 1, 2019 at 2:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your story sounded cute, but more importantly real. Social media has a way that makes other compare their lives with others, including intimate moments.
Remember ur FH loves you, the real you & that is the person that he wants to marry - not the Instagram version.
- Reply
VIP October 2019
Jessica · on June 1, 2019 at 2:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
Agree with this. It also made me giggle (not in a mean way), but that it is unique in it's own way. For me, FH and I had been together for just over 6 years at the time and had been talking about it for a while. I knew he had a ring made but didn't know when it was done or when he was going to pop the question. Legit every day i didn't know if that was the day it was going to happen and I was a bit stressed about when it would happen haha. We ended up going canoeing on the river and had a really nice breakfast on the dock.. Everything was perfect. I thought for sure that was going to be when he was going to propose. Then we got the canoe out of the water, put it back up.. Still nothing. Got in the car to drive home and left and I was soooo sad. Trying not to cry and we didn't talk the whole way home. I went upstairs to go change and let the dogs downstairs and was crying so I stayed upstairs for a bit and he came up to check on me. Apparently he was waiting for me to come down with flowers and the ring and I didn't 😂 So I kind of ruined his surprise. Looking back we laugh on it. But anyway.. What I'm trying to say is it doesn't have to be "perfect".. However it happened, you're marrying your best friend and it will be beautiful 💕
- Reply
VIP October 2019
Jessica · on June 1, 2019 at 2:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yes 😂 my ring was way too big too. Wanted to wear it so used cotton or something wrapped around until a sizer came in from Amazon (it's now since been resized for real) haha.
- Reply
Master June 2020
Anna · on June 1, 2019 at 2:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
Hey there!
I think I replied to your post before, but I've been thinking about it and you and I think everyone may be looking at it the wrong way.

I think the reason that you are upset, isnt because of the fact that your proposal wasn't perfect...

I think that somewhere deep inside you didn't feel like you were perfect enough at that moment to get engaged. And you sort of redirected your disappointment in how you perceive yourself onto him.

I think you are overwhelmed with emotions because your life is changing and it's scary.... just my 2 cents for what it's worth.

I say you take control and reaffirm your feelings by you proposing to him...set it up as perfectly as you would want. It will make him feel like a million bucks!

A marriage, isnt about the proposal after all. I know many who have had a wonderful proposal because it was done for show and not from the heart.

I picture your proposal as a movie with all of those mishaps happening to the heroine.
It's ok that it wasn't perfect, you are loved and he was so excited to propose that was all he could think about and he couldn't wait anymore❤ I think it perfect, in its imperfections.
- Reply
Super July 2024
Fwbride · on June 1, 2019 at 4:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I’m pretty sure she means she can hardly remember the actual proposal part and what her FH said. Which, that’s the good part and I can understand why she’s frustrated she can only remember the bad parts. I had an amazing proposal, but I don’t remember a single thing my fiancé said while he was actually proposing. Thankfully, he had a photographer and our whole family there and someone took a video so I can watch it and remember what he said.

Im amazed at how many people think that wanting pictures of an engagement is only to put them on social media. I want to show these pictures to my kids and to my grandkids someday, to look at them when we are old and gray and reminiscing on our youth and our love, and to post on social media because that’s how a lot of my friends and family keep up with what’s going on in my life while they’re busy with their own.
- Reply
Super July 2024
Fwbride · on June 1, 2019 at 4:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
OP while I understand how you feel, I don’t think redoing the whole thing is going to make it any better. I will suggest that you get dressed up and take pictures of you two together and do a pose of him on his knees and one of you throwing your arms around him like you just said yes. I think that’s a “re-do” that won’t make your FH feel less than enough.
- Reply
Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 1, 2019 at 5:08 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Mmmm hhmmm... Ok, thx 4 clarifying for her.
- Reply
Devoted September 2019
Farrah · on June 1, 2019 at 5:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you do a redo engagement, it’s going to seem forced and not special at all. My fiancé was going to propose on the 4th of July under the fireworks, but got nervous and didn’t. Instead, he proposed the next day, in our living room, WHILE I was eating breakfast. Like literally had a mouth full of food. It’s not how I ever imagined being proposed to But it was still special to me and I wouldn’t want to recreate that moment.
- Reply

Devoted August 2020
Monique · on June 1, 2019 at 9:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
I love reading about how other people's proposals went, especially the not as expected ones! I think the take away message from this is to focus on the feelings of being engaged and being excited to marry your significant other
- Reply