Engagement Redo?

I felt this deep in my soul. My proposal was not the one I dreamed of since I was a little girl. My FH first proposed to me in our apartment--we were both in our pajamas, I had no makeup on, hair a hot mess, etc.--he got down on one knee, but then proceeded to have a panic attack and had to stop the proposal entirely. I was so confused, I didn't even know if we were really engaged or not. A few days later, I got in bed because I had to work early the next day and he took a shower. After he got out, he woke me back up to ask me again and actually put the ring on my finger, but he didn't get down on one knee this time. I was half asleep! I don't even want to ask him to do it over because I know it'll hurt his feelings... It wasn't his fault he had a panic attack the first time, he was just so nervous (but I'm still a little upset about it). I've embraced it and now while telling people the story I play it off for laughs. It's made me feel better about it because I love making people laugh (humor is definitely the way to this girl's heart). Just keep reminding yourself that it's not about the proposal, it's about the man who proposed. I love my FH more than anything and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us, and I'm sure you feel the same way. Congrats and good luck on your wedding planning!

I'm so sorry for everyone replying rudely to this...it's easy to tell the difference between a "spoiled brat" and someone who is wondering if anyone else has been in her situation. Your story isn't abnormal, I know tons of people who didn't have the "picture perfect" moment. I talked about this in a different post too, but I was a little disappointed in my engagement (for a few minutes!) after the craze of the day wore off! I had wanted a cute little picnic, maybe a photographer if FH was comfortable with it, I had these visions of the perfect moment... my FH had planned to propose on a skilift (where we first kissed), and I was sure he wasn't actually going to do it on the ski trip because I had stressed that I wanted it to be private. He picked up the vibe that I didn't want that, I picked up the vibe that he was totally going to once I saw he was disappointed, and God made it clear he didn't want the ski lift thing anyways since when we did go the next week there was a power outage anyways! I could tell the whole week he'd been trying to rethink what to do, and one day we were out having a great morning, and saying goodbye in the parking lot, I said, "Just a normal moment like this, this would be a good time to propose." So he did! It was amazing and wonderful and no one else was there, and I'll always remember it, we aren't very flashy so it was great! But the pintrest girl inside of me was unsettled later that day... what have I done! Why did I say that! What about my moment, what about all my other friends "better" engagements, what about all my plans! It just took a second to slow down and realize how silly I sounded, and how that jealousy was going to ruin my engagement if I didn't snip it in the bud right there, so I did.

It sounds like you had a truly awful day, but your fiance took it and made it something amazing. It will be just like your life together...things trying to get to you, you'll be upset things aren't perfect, you won't look good, and it certainly won't be what you expect... but at the end of the day, you'll have each other to make the day great, and that's what you'll look back on in life, and it's what you should look back on when thinking about your engagement. If you want to satisfy your inner pintrest, recreate that day! Take some nice, beautiful engagement photos of you both all snazzy, and say "other peoples proposals" (then you get your nice photos if you really want them), and then take some photos to recreate your actual day that say "our perfectly imperfect story!" Take photos of you looking through the dark magnifier scratching your head, and turning around to him proposing, and the glee on your face in that moment, and then the dog eating the wood right after and you two laughing after he's fine. Detail the day just like you did to us, but be positive! The day was the day. It will be an amazing memory if you let it be.

I didn't read every comment but I would just say to focus on anything positive you can get out of your engagement story and stop focusing on the lack of "perfection" that you were hoping for.

When I got engaged, it was the third time my (now) husband had tried to do it. The first time he tried to propose was 3 months before the actual proposal, and when we were on the trip, his mom called in hysterics because my BIL had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and it created a really bad vibe for the rest of the trip and made my husband not want to do it.

The second time he tried, he wanted to do it on a hike but the place we went to was a lot more crowded than he thought it would be, so he didn't do it because he wanted more privacy.

On the day that he actually did it, we were hiking. I was wearing jeans that were too big and an old sweatshirt, and an orange safety vest so I wouldn't get shot by a hunter. I was miserable because I HATE hiking and the outdoors in general, but it was my husband's birthday and I promised him I would go. When he actually got down on one knee, I turned around and called him an a**hole because I honestly thought he was joking, and then he pulled the ring out and when I realized what happened I burst into the grossest ugly cry probably in the history of mankind and somehow managed to say yes. Then we got in a car and drove 3 sweaty hours home.

Was it the proposal that I wanted? Not at all, because I got proposed to doing something I truly hate doing, was wearing an orange safety vest, and called him an a**hole for crying out loud, but 6 years later I look back knowing that it was still one of the best moments of my life. Even know, when I go back to tell the story, it ends up being kind of funny cause everyone knows how much I hate hiking, and me calling him that name actually is funnier when I tell the whole story in person. He wasn't mad btw, because he knows why I thought he was joking.

I think that, just like pinterest has set us all up to think weddings have to look a certain way and the day needs to be a certain way, that social media and the current culture makes it seem like our engagements need to be picture perfect or it wasn't "good enough". I don't know anyone in my real life (like actual friends) who had pictures taken when they got engaged.

I think that you really need to change your outlook - focus on the positives, and turn some of the negatives of that day into funny little moments that make that proposal your story. Just think about it - a lot of people can have that perfect, magical, Instagram worthy proposal - but absolutely no one will have the proposal that you did, and I think that's what makes it truly perfect and special.

Like almost every other post here, my engagement wasn't the greatest. It wasn't what I had envisioned, but in the end, it was OUR engagement and I am relishing in this whole being engaged time since our wedding still isn't until April 2020 and we got engaged in late January 2019. I think that you and your love should go on the trip and enjoy it as an engaged couple. You don't need or really get "redos" in life so please stop making yourself sick over this and move forward. I am saying this from a person who has done just this but I think you may benefit from a few counseling sessions, just for you because it worries me that you're upset to the point of it affecting your eating and sleeping and I've been there and it turned out there was a little more going on that is no longer going on because I sought that treatment. You are not crazy, you are not a headcase, you are human and deserve to be happy and it seems like your sweetie is a wonderful guy and that you two have a solid love. That's what really matters. I wish both of you nothing but the best. Take care always!

There will be so, so many moments in life and in your relationship that aren't what you expected and aren't perfect. I think this speaks to a bigger message about that- drawing what is important from a special moment and re-framing less-than-perfect things with a more positive lens. With so much awful ill-will in the world, why would you want to make a genuine, real, heartfelt, good-intentioned moment less special by scripting it? It's got all the magic right there already

I'll share my story too, the night my FH proposed: I had gotten home late from work. My boss had kept me an hour late, unpaid, to tell me how great it would be for me to do a special project, that I also wouldn't be paid for. The subway tracks were on fire (yes, the trash on NYC subway tracks literally catches fire occasionally, in case anyone didn't realize that fun fact), so I was more delayed and sat on a stinky gross train for 1.5 hours. When I got home, I didn't really want to cook dinner, so I said to FH - hey lets go grab burgers at the little hipster burger restaurant around the corner from our apartment in Brooklyn. We ended up spontaneously having a deep real-life spiritual conversation, all about our goals, and dreams, and aspirations in life, not just for ourselves but for each other, and how we have grown as people in our love together, just how lucky we are to truly find such fulfillment and depth in that bond, and how we didn't always know that about each other either. I was bawling into my burger so much that the waiter seemed afraid to come to the table. We left and got caught in an absolute downpour without umbrellas, and walked, slowly holding hands and laughing, back to our apartment. It looked like we jumped in a pool, but at least I smelled a little less like burning garbage at this point. There's a wiring issue/ burned out ceiling light in the entryway of our very small, dingy apartment (which we share with 3 roommates) so when I turned around I literally tripped over FH, who was kneeling in our dark doorway. I legit thought he dropped something, but no, he was holding.... a dime baggie. With a little beautiful loose diamond in it. He proposed with this little perfect diamond, which was from his mother's engagement ring. We knelt together in the dark, soaking wet, and hugged for the longest time. Everything about the proposal was completely, totally, absolutely perfect. He had had an appointment in a few weeks to have it set, but he said "everything felt right, right now." I didn't even know he was planning to propose or that he had this diamond. We moved up the appointment and went that weekend to pick a setting together, and they set it while we waited. I wouldn't change our story for anything.

The dog choking had me laughing.... not expected in your story lol

let me tell you mine was less then perfect but memorable.... Sunday morning my bf mom pulled up and told me to go to the store with her. so i got in and him and his mom were talking like always i paid no mind. When i got home i started doing some work on the cars along with him. i walked into the garage and my hands were greased black, I was in lounge pants and a hoodie. no make up hair in a bun. i walked in and he said take off your ring ( my promise ring i never took off in 4 years because i loved it) I gave him a dirty look and said no. he said take it off.. i said no it dont leave the finger lol he said finally take the damn ring off i got you a new one, a better one and he pulled it out.. i took off the other ring and gave it to him he put the ring on and said this one is much nicer and means much more..... that was it.... so after looking at it for like 10 minutes.... i looked and said to him so does this mean we are engaged? he said well yeah.. and i said so when is this gonna happen? and when did you get this? apparently when i was getting in his moms car to go to the store she slipped it to him through the window lmao

Your post reminds me of a couple we met on our honeymoon. Now, before I tell this please know I am NOT comparing you to this woman but I think it will help you to hear the tone to an outsider. We met several couples on our honeymoon and we are still friends with them but we also met another couple who latched on to my husband and joined us for dinner one night. The woman in this couple (let's call her Jackie) asked to share our engagement stories since most of us were on our honeymoons. Everyone had a different story, some more elaborate than others and with every story she shot a nasty glare to her husband. Her story was that he wrote her a song and sang it to her at home one night. She HATED it which none of us could understand and it was all because there weren't other people there to witness and ooh and aah over her.

A lot of the time, it is how you tell your story that matters. Focus on the imperfections in a positive way. Tell your story with LOVE and that excitement that you feel. When I was going through education for marriage and family therapy one of the things that stuck with me was a professor saying that start a new therapy relationship with asking how a couple met - how they tell that story tells you light years about how they will do in treatment. You can tell the same story in vastly different ways. Try to focus on how to tell your story in a way that is happy for you.

There are so many myths about marriage and relationships and weddings. Everything from the value of a proposal to you will always feel positive toward your spouse to don't go to bed angry are damaging myths about relationships. Real life is not perfect and we have to be able to manage our expectations.

I thought your story was charming! Like something you'd watch in a romantic comedy. I think that its incredibly sweet that even looking like a hot mess and being cranky he got down on one knee and popped the question. That means he loves you for YOU! not for all the glam and other nonsense. I agree with everyone to follow up with your therapist or counselor if your having serious food and sleeping issues over this because that is serious.

I didn't have the perfect instagram proposal either. In the end it doesn't matter. What matters is that your future SO values you enough to want to commit to spending the rest of their life with you.

Another positive suggestion would be to go extra glam for your engagement shoot! I think that that is more appropriate and special than redoing an engagement. Unless you want to propose to him and make a special event of it?

Ours wasnt picturesque either. We had it on christmas, in a family cabin, BUT in a room by ourselves, me a crying hot mess because I didn't think he'd ever propose AND then we kept it a secret for 2 weeks because my fiance's anxiety about being the center of attention kicked in.

I think its okay to not have the picture perfect junk. What matters is the actual commitment. And knowing that through thick and thin, ugly, hot mess, and stressed out times we are always there for one another.

Honestly I think your story is really cute! I kept telling FH before he proposed that he could do it at something very normal for us (Sunday night while watching tv, on a run, at a local sporting game/tailgate) but he insisted on something more elaborate lol.

If you want a redo and FH is on board, then go for it, why not!

But honestly, I think your story is very cute. Maybe instead of a proposal redo, use this trip away as a fun little "you two" trip to celebrate your engagement and future marriage.