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Just Said Yes August 2021

Engagement Ring Craziness

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Kristin, on December 15, 2020 at 10:30 PM

My fiancé just told me he bought a ring today and it is currently being custom made but that there was a surprise with it. He didn't want to get a diamond because they are visually worth nothing and instead got me a colored gemstone. I don't know what color because honestly for me I like the surprise of it all but he has also been very open with each step he is taking towards proposing. We aren't technically engaged yet but he has the ring in the works and excitedly told me about it today. I had my heart set on a diamond or something that looked like a diamond, which he was also aware of. Is it bad if I am kinda disappointed it isn't a white stone? And would it be okay to express to him that I wanted a white stone instead? The ring I'd be happy with anything but the stone was what I was hoping would stay traditional. I don't want to come across as ungrateful because I am so beyond grateful for what he has done... I'm just unsure of how to go about it.

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27 Comments

Master January 2022
SLY · on December 16, 2020 at 12:49 PM
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Thank you! It's perfect for me, and matches my personality so well! I can't wait to be able to hopefully pass it down to one of our kids one day!
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Dedicated July 2021
Courtney · on December 16, 2020 at 4:37 PM
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I was so sure I wanted a diamond! I ended up with a blue sapphire center in a 3-stone setting with 2 diamonds. I love it so much. Keep an open mind!
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on December 16, 2020 at 6:29 PM
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Honestly, I think part of the problem is that he spilled the beans that he has bought and/or is in the process of designing your ring and now puts more focus on the ring itself, versus the sheer excitement of a surprise proposal and an unexpected ring.
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on December 16, 2020 at 10:55 PM
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A gift is a gift - relax!! You may love what he gives you. My ring is an antique opal and I LOVE it - would not exchange it for any diamond ring. The opal ring was my hubby's great grandmother's ring, and it gets many compliments!! Best wishes! xoxo
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Expert December 2020
Kayse · on December 17, 2020 at 4:04 PM
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I don't think you seem ungrateful at all. There's nothing wrong with liking what you like. I would definitely tell him asap. I'm pretty sure he'd want to get you what you want.
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Devoted July 2020
Monica · on December 19, 2020 at 9:42 PM
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I don’t like the tradition of men picking out the rings. A marriage is a union of two people, and picking out rings together should be part of the deal, IMO.
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Dedicated May 2023
Katie · on January 4, 2021 at 3:24 PM
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I think this is definitely something that should be discussed prior to getting engaged - after all, how many men are regularly picking out women's jewelry prior to buying an engagement ring? I have pretty specific, non-traditional tastes and for such an expensive piece of jewelry, I wanted to make sure I'd like it! So I showed him some pictures of things I liked, and emphasized to him that I would actually prefer moissanite to a diamond (I love the sparkle on it) so that he wouldn't feel compelled to spend extra money on a diamond. What he actually picked wasn't any of the exact settings I showed him, but he definitely took what I wanted into account and thanked me because he said he never realized there were so many options! The pictures I gave him helped him work with the jeweler to narrow it down.
I think your desire for a white stone isn't ungrateful - you didn't say it had to absolutely be a diamond, just that you'd prefer a white stone. If you gave him the exact specifications for a stone and a setting and wouldn't consider anything else - that would be inflexible and selfish. But he should be taking your preferences into account.
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