Engagement ring

Are you not happy with yours? Is it the design or the type of jewl/metal you're unsatisfied with?
No, I absolutely love my engagement ring.

View Quoted Comment I like the jewel I’m just not the biggest fan of halo and I’ve got a double halo lol. It’s been two years since the engagement and we would have been married already if it wasn’t for covid. I wasn’t going to do anything about it but now that we have everything for the wedding and still so much time to go I thought I could mention the possibility of exchanging it for the style I originally wanted. I just didn’t know how to do that without feeling as getting hurt. He put a lot of time and effort into picking it out and for me to just change it would be heart breaking but it is a piece of jewlery I intend on wearing for the rest of my life. Am I being heartless?

I would bring it up and see how he feels about it. When we were looking at rings my husband said he never would have looked at the style I liked. It was important I loved my ring so he was glad I said something.

View Quoted Comment I don't think so. As much as I love my ring. I may not wear it anymore after We marry. We plan on wearing those silicone wedding bands. I'll probably just wear ny engagement ring when we go out and dress up for special occasions.

The engagement ring is a gift from your future husband. What you want is to pick out and shop for a ring for yourself. No problem. Save up $2000 to $15,000 of your own earned money, and buy any ring you want within that budget. An engagement ring is largely of sentimental value. It is not the only ring or piece of jewelry you will have in a life time. But it is the first major one from your fiance. Where I come from, wanting to trade it in for another ring would be taken as a slap in the face to the FI, and a warning that things mattered to you more than your relationship or sentiment. Keeping it as your engagement ring, and at some point when you personally can afford it, buying other rings for looks, for every day or special occasion would be fine. But I know that for some, the money/ the gift is only acceptable if it is precisely what the woman would buy herself. So much for the sentimental value of getting engaged, or a romantic proposal.

I personally would never tell my wife that I don't like her multi-thousand dollar gift and would prefer to trade it in, but things are different for each couple.

I see both sides. While telling someone you don't like the expensive gift they picked out isn't ideal, it's also not ideal to have to wear a ring every day that you really don't like even looking at. Maybe talk to a jeweler. Is there a way the ring can be modified into something you do like? That way, it's still the ring he gave you, but it'd be something you like better. I would also recommend that you offer to cover the cost of modifications (if you're financially able to).

I just don’t understand how someone can look at something that the person they love spent time to choose for them and say “eh I don’t like it, we can do better”. It would be a huge slap in the face to the person that truly loves you. Yes some people are going to say “my FI wants me to be happy” and I can promise you while that’s true one of two other things is going on. 1. FI is only saying that because they don’t want you to know that they are hurt by you or 2. Your relationship is really only surface deep and therefore the price of something and the appearances are what’s important.
But hey each couple are different so you do you.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100 percent. You said it in your post yourself that he spent a lot of time and effort into choosing this ring for you. If I was in his position and just spent all this time and money choosing a ring for someone I love just for them to want to “exchange” it like you would a piece of clothing, I would be devastated. Maybe at some point down the road you can choose an anniversary ring or something of the sort together and gradually phase out wearing the engagement ring daily, but that ring acts as a symbol of his love for you. I wouldn’t get rid of it.

Ironically, this could have all been avoided if we went back to tradition. Back in the day the proposal would be made without a ring as it was usually discussed thoroughly beforehand. The future groom would either use a family heirloom or go to the jewelers and pick out a selection of rings within his price range. Once the engagement was official the couple would then head to the jewelers to select a ring from the preselection, thus avoiding embarrassment (especially if the person says 'no'). My Grandmother was proposed to with a daisy ring, Grandfather fashioned it for her while sitting on a bench, slipped it on her finger with out a word. She smiled back and they were engaged.

I guess I have an unpopular opinion here but in my situation, he proposed to me with my moms old engagement ring and I hated it. It was a marquie gold ring and the underneath was open so my finger would stick it in when they swelled. He knew that and wasn’t offended. I went shopping for my own ring but I paid for it because I wanted a switch. At zales, you can exchange your ring for double the value so that’s what I did. We ended up exchanging the ring I bought and he looked at rings with me in my style so he was still included in the choosing my ring but I got to have the style that I liked

I agree with many of the women who commented above me. My fiance and I would joke around, I asked if we got rich if he, would upgrade my ring. But at the end of the day, I love this ring. He chose this ring and proposed with it. He knows I love rose gold he chose a ring that had it. What the ring stands for should mean more than what it looks like. Social media may make some people feel insecure about the rings they have, the size, the carat range, but none of that matters. If you get this new ring, yeah sure you'll love the way it looks, but will it remind you of the time your FH proposed? Will it have a story attached to it? Brides typically choose the band, maybe you can do that to make the ring a little more of what you like?

View Quoted Comment You said it perfectly! I remember how nervous my fiance was when he proposed. After he did, he was so excited telling me all about the ring and how he ended up choosing it. It's a hard decision for men all around.

View Quoted Comment The first part, engagement without any particular ring, or with a substitute, a ring belonging to the man, was common with many of .y background. What was not common, was a trip to the jewelers afterward that would include the woman. That has never, historically, been common. It is a matter of social and economic class, mostly. And until the mid 1900's, mostly after World War II, diamond were not the most common wedding engagements rings, those were lesser gemstones like amethysts, garnets. And in nearly 1/3 of this country, midcentury, more people mail ordered them than saw a jeweler. That is only a couple of generations back. And except amongst the rich, most wedding rings people inherited with precious stones like diamonds, those were not original e rings. When a couple became more prosperous ( if they did) and often 20 years married or more, an anniversary ring replaced a very worn engagement ring, or there had been none. The repeat trips to the jeweler were never something even a 1/3 of this country did, though de Beers and other diamond industry giants spent hundreds of millions in advertising to try to make it so. Rather like now. Read most magazines and websites, aimed at women, and you would think most women see the ring and pick it. But read industry or consumer surveys, and 30-40% of the time women have something to say or part of picking. The industry would like it more, because women almost always up the price by the time they finish.

This is why I’m a big advocate for letting your partner know what you want before an engagement! (If you care a lot about the ring, that is.) I agree with everyone to an extent - yes, he bought you a very expensive gift that he put thought into and may be hurt that you don’t LOVE it. Also, he spent a lot of money on something you’ll have for the rest of your life, you should love it and want to wear it! I think if you’re in a place to get engaged/married you should be able to have open conversations about things like this but it’s definitely tougher once it’s purchased and you’ve been wearing it for a while...

I've been married for more than 30 years. At the time, I knew he was going to ask me and I tried to give him some "direction" by suggesting I would love a simple, plain diamond solitaire engagement ring. When he asked it was with a lovely wedding set -- both rings had kind of shaped "swooping" bands (not just plain, straight bands) and there was a design with pave diamonds in the wedding band and there was a second stand alone diamond on the engagement ring, in addition to the main solitaire. It was lovely, but not at all what I had described.... His explanation? He thought the plain solitaires were "so boring and unoriginal -- everyone had a ring like that! He wanted me to have something more unique and 'special' -- like you!" Were my rings what I would have chosen? No. But I have worn them proudly for more than three decades now as a constant reminder of our commitment and how he sees me -- as unique and special. Personally, I'd keep the ring he chose for you and cherish it for what it means.

View Quoted Comment I completely understand the double halo being overwhelming, especially when you don’t even like halos to begin with. Do you think you would like the ring if you just removed the halos? Or maybe even removed just one of them?

My husband got me something that he knew I wasn’t a huge fan of, and he was so nervous about it when he gave it to me. It actually has a meaning behind it cause he designed it, and that alone made me fall for the ring even though it isn’t my style. He did ask me multiple times for a couple of months if I wanted to design my own ring, cause the diamond was the expensive part. But, I said no because he made it for me. Now it just sits in a box cause it’s covid and I don’t leave the house.


Maybe check and see if there are rings you like, and you guys could talk about moving the stone from your current ring to one that you like. The ring costs are at most 5000$ and then the jeweler cost to move it maybe another 1000$

My FH picked my ring out with a little guidance from me, but mostly, he wanted something original and something HE liked as well. Every time he's bought me jewelry, it's something a little different and something that jumped out at him. To me, that makes my ring more special, because it was something he put thought into and he himself actually likes. It's super overwhelming for partners to buy jewelry for their person, let alone the engagement ring! Maybe there's a wedding band you can get that will help change the look of the ring--like an enhancer or wrap?

I did not choose my exact ring but I gave my FI some rather specific guidelines on what I wanted and he didn't really deviate from that. He has told me he's glad for that, since if he was spending a significant amount of money he would want it to be on a ring that I liked. I'm sure some people have opinions about that, but to me it makes sense. My ring is exactly what I wanted.

I just read your post to my fiance and asked how he would react if it was me, and he said "I would rather you had told me sooner. I would be a little hurt but I'd want you to have a ring you liked." We also wondered if it was possible to return it at this point.