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Just Said Yes May 2023

Engagement Rings - Question.

Paula, on January 17, 2022 at 10:13 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 11
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Hi, everyone! I want to consult something with all of you about engagement rings and how Americans would view the following situation. I got engaged almost a month ago. He and I share different cultures. Before he proposed, he had told me that his grandma was offering us one of her multiple rings for him to propose.
We’re on a tight budget, and I wanted to honor/respect her gesture. So, I said yes to that ring, even though I didn’t like it at all. My fiancé knows this. He said he’d buy me the one that I dream of in the *unknown* future (right now, the ring is within his ability to purchase; it doesn’t even cost more than $1,300, and the average is $4k. It’s such a pretty ring on its own that I don’t even want a wedding band either).
We’ll celebrate our wedding next year, and I’m thinking about having the ring I genuinely like for that date. However, he doesn’t want to hurt his grandma’s feelings. I suspect his father and other family members could be really offended too. I figured I could still wear the one she gave us on my other hand (again, this is not even a family heirloom). I’m starting to regret having accepted this ring in the first place, just to avoid making anybody feel bad. What about *my* feelings now?
What do you think I should do? Am I being super disrespectful? Should I just stay with this ring, since I’m marrying the man I love anyways, or should I talk (again) to him, so he understands how I’m feeling? Am I being vain, making a ring too much of a deal?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Yayunluo, on March 18, 2022 at 12:18 PM
  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie ·
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    Oh gosh, this is very tough. I think your best approach would be to wear the ring she gave you on special occasions and to family dinners, and say you are so worried about losing it/it's so precious and sentimental to you that you are always extra careful with it, and fiance, bless him, has bought you this other one that you feel a bit more secure in wearing more day-to-day.

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  • L
    Super August 2023
    Lunajay ·
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    Not to be mean but that is in a way a family heirloom (it was still passed from family member to family member). I understand how you feel because I still haven't gotten my "dream ring" and FH wants to buy it in the "unknown" future. My FH also have the ability to buy it now but then the surprise for me and it will for you. You kinda have to ask yourself what more important, your wants to have your dream ring or his feeling/experience in buying your dream ring when he can/wants. Also, YES this will piss off the family and god know what they'll start calling you and/or saying.

    I know it's cringing at you but be happy you have a ring, some don't have the family or money to get what you have now. And mind you, your not saying yes to a ring, your saying yes to your FH.

    Hope this helps

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I have a bit of a separate opinion from others. Here’s my thing as someone who has had to stand ground with family:


    You will hurt feelings. You can’t make everyone happy. At the end of the day, this is YOUR engagement ring and you’re not obligated to wear something you don’t like for the sake of his family’s feelings. This might be something you need to stand your ground on and say your appreciate the gesture but it’s just not right for you. Offer to give it back and maybe buy something very cheap in the meantime that you like until you get the ring you really want.
    Just my opinion
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    You would hate to look back on pictures, etc, and be upset. People will get over it
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  • B
    Devoted June 2023
    bevbabe ·
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    I would wear the grandmother's ring even if I hated it. Why start your marriage with hurt feelings, judgement, and resentment? I just think you should look at it from a long term perspective. You're joining his family. Wouldn't it be better for your families to blend seamlessly and get along? If you reject it, people may get over it or they might not.

    Your fiance is getting you a better ring that you can wear as soon as the wedding is over. However, I think wearing both rings might be a good idea as well. If you really don't want to just wear grandma's ring then wearing both rings is a good compromise.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you knew weren’t going to wear the grandmother’s ring long term, why did you accept it? I think a lot of hurt feelings could have been avoided if you had just turned down her offer nicely in the beginning. I would offer the ring back and get a new ring, but I’d be prepared for it to hurt a lot of people’s feelings.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    Another option would be to wear the new ring on your left hand, and wear grandma‘s ring on your right hand
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  • Sloane
    Super May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    No I would wear the non-heirloom ring on the right and wear the ring you love in the left.
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  • H
    Just Said Yes February 2024
    Huttonff ·
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    Choose both. You can wear 2 rings on your finger. My friend wear 3 rings on her finger, a wedding band, a diamond ring from darryring, and a second band to comble the match.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Arquetteee ·
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    If it's for the wedding, I'd recommend his grandma's vintage ring, you can get the ring you like after the wedding, how about the 1st anniversary? You can ask your husband to buy another for a gift.

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  • Yayunluo
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Yayunluo ·
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    Oh it is truly a difficult choice, but i think you can get your husband to buy another one you like. Cause what grandma's ring means the love from this family, but the engagement ring your husband gave you represents the love from him. I think you can wear two rings at the wedding, and put his grandma's ring in box after wedding and take care of it, to aviod losing such a valuable thing. His grandma would definitely understand! and you can find lots of diamond brands at $1300, this is a ring customization I recently saw . Hope you can get what you want!

    https://www.instagram.com/darryring_official/

    Engagement Rings - Question. 1


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