Estranged father of bride problems

I have an stranged relationship with my father as well. I would rather not have him at my wedding but after inviting all my aunts and uncles on his side and not being able to figure out how to invite just my mother (they are still married and live together), I invited him too. However, if he decides not to show up, that's on him but I have very few roles for him to play at the wedding and have backups. For instance, I want both parents to walk me down the asile. I combined the father/daughter and mother/son dance together; I will have my brother fill in if my father cannot/won't do it. And my brother is saying the thank you speech at the end of the Reception to the guests. I'm hoping my father will be on his best behavior since his family, his brother and sisters, will be there.

You do not have to invite your father. Biology doesn't trump your happiness/ease on your wedding day. If you want your mom to walk you down the aisle, then don't let other people's feelings change that for you. good luck!

I'm going through the same thing. This is your wedding day so it should go how you want. If you want someone to walk with you, it should be the person who has been there and walked with you through life, it symbolism. If your dad hasn't been there, send him an invite and keep it moving. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. Whether is mom or uncle you choose. Xoxoxo

I do not have a relationship with my father or step father. Let's just say my mother has horrible taste in men. So I understand where you are coming from. I think first you need to decide if you want him there. Don't think about what he thinks/wants/expects. This day is about celebrating your love with your partner. It isn't about anyone else's expectations. So, if at the end of the day, you would like to issue an olive branch, then you should invite him. If not, then do not feel like you should. Do not let someone else's toxicity ruin your joy in this day. If you do invite him, think about what role you want him to play. Plan your celebration in the way that best matches the love you have with your partner, and those you have invited. Do not feel beholden. You are not. Good luck with everything!

My FH has not spoken to his father in years. There was no fight or falling out, other than a bad childhood. We've heard that he has health problems and FH attempted to call him but voicemail is full or calls are not returned. We put out the word in the family that we're trying to reach him. We sent him a Christmas card. Nothing. We've discussed the possibility of showing up at his door but an hour and a half drive to heartbreak seems like a bad plan.
With FMIL's encouragement we will send an invitation. I'm told that if he's still strong enough he'll show up to make it about himself.
I get it.
I do have a good relationship with my own father and intend on walking myself down the aisle, so that would be my advice for you.
Good luck with all of this.

He sort of already told you, didn’t he? He instructed you to not contact him unless it is to apologize. If you have nothing to apologize for, and aren’t willing to do so, in my mind you’re doing as he asked, no?

I’m in a relatively similar situation. It’s my mom who’s estranged from her father (my grandfather) . Because of this I never really had a relationship with him. But I spoke with my mom and she I could invite him if I want. So I did invite him and it’s all on him if he shows up. I wouldn’t mind either way.

So I would say, in my opinion, invite him. If he doesn’t come, he doesn’t come. But in 20/30 years would you look back and regret not inviting him? I think you asking this question indicates that you would. If he does come, don’t honor him, like you said. But it’s really up to you.

View Quoted Comment I'm having a hard time even coming up with a date.. my estranged dad is wanting to pay for the wedding (to make up for everything undoubtedly) I have and never will be a glamorous person but on that day I want to feel like a princess.. I have never felt that way and seeing how my dad lives now... it disgusts me. My mom has bent and curled to make her ends meet. WE have made sure that WE would be ok.... so in retrospect... my dad didnt help shape me to where I am but I wouldn't be with who I am if my dad wasnt non existent through my growing process. I've thought he can walk me half my mom can walk me the rest of the way and I can meet my fiance's dad (whom has been a big impact) hug him right at the altar but if he is wanting to pay... how do I politely tell him.. where were you when it mattered? Ya know? I've even thought of having him as the officiant just so I dont have to have him walk me down... neither are happy to have the other walk me so that makes it a little more difficult on me.