ever feel like you are losing control of your wedding?

I feel terrible because i feel like i am always complaining on this site - so i'm really sorry if i come off like that! FH and i have talked more and more about eloping lately, but we can't - we'd be out thousands of dollars, we'd make alot of family mad... and i know we can still turn it around and make it the dream that we want - i'm just at a loss right now... I did just decide to order mini starfish to put on the invites and mini sand dollars for the save the dates to make it more beach-y though

again, any advice would be helpful. i want it to be fun - but right now, planning is really tough because i feel like we are stuck going in the wrong direction from what we wanted...

Honey bunch.... if you want your beach wedding HAVE YOUR BEACH WEDDING, and invite 100 instead of 50 ppl and that can be your compromise :-) all Im saying is, if this is not what you want, dont have a wedding that you will later regret. Have what the two of you want, its yall day! Happy friday :-)

I agree with Soon2be - its great to compromise. Have you and FH talked about what you both want? It does depend on who is paying. If future-in-laws are paying a good amount they do have a say, but if they are not paying for the wedding they don't have a say on who is invited. You don't have to invite every relative and cousin.

FH has a large family, but we decided right away we were paying for our wedding (less drama) and that we wanted a small wedding with 44 guests (just immediate family and our friends). Some people are never going to be happy no matter what you do, just remember that.

I know what you mean. I wanted something low-key, and even though as of now we're only having 100 people attending (which is around what I was anticipating), but the amount of $$ is way more than I was anticipating, so it gets really frustrating. Luckily you still have a good chunk of time, so why don't you take a month off of planning, and then you can come back to it with fresh eyes.

And you can have a "formal elopement" style beach wedding. Think whites and khakis and turquoise; mini "beaches" inside of glass bowls on the tables; salt-water taffy favors; ocean-inspired food; salted caramel ice cream cones; or things that make you think of the beach (for me: when I was a kid, my mom would always bring a bag of smartfood popcorn for me to munch on after I was exhausted from swimming, so I'd do a popcorn bar lol) There are lots of ways to have a large wedding and keep it casual

When I did picture a wedding, I wanted a small one (like 20 people), but 50 would be the smallest we could go and not completely destroy relationships. But at 75 we are destroying relationships so that's fun.

I'm trying to keep my expectations of what I want/FH wants for the wedding and the expectations of our parents balanced. It's tricky, but in the end it is one day. Maybe you could list out things that you have to have vs things you can compromise on and go from there.

I usually am a "it's the couple's day, their decision" but I also know how much drama that brings. I basically had to say I would compromise recently because it's my FH's relationship with his parents that's the problem, and I don't want to destroy that because I put my foot down (even though that's what I want to do!).

Will most of family and friends have to travel for your wedding? If so you may find that you receive alot of RSVP no's.

We wanted a small wedding as well, 80-100ppl. After realizing just my side of the family is almost 70 people I realized that wouldn't happen. We have 160 on the invite list. There is no way I would want to exclude any of my family, so sad to say I'm hoping for a few declines.

In the end you and FH need to have a talk about what you both envision. Just remember the wedding is setting you up for marriage...meaning compromise will be key on both your parts.

Thank you so much ladies!! i just feel like things are alittle crazy right now and going in the wrong direction. we are paying for most, but the in-laws are generously paying for alot of it so compromising is needed (and another reason why we absolutely cannot elope).

I feel like i'm starting to take it out on FH too - i am so crabby lately! i think that is why i feel like i am coming off as "complain-y". i try to compromise but i think i am compromising too much. we are still making it personal so it's not like i'm planning someone else's wedding.. it's just frustrating. i never understood why people would elope and not want a wedding and reception - now i totally understand!

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! that's exactly what i needed to hear this morning . you guys are wonderful!!! i absolutely agree that maybe it's time to take a break from planning and regroup for a bit!

@Marisa - i LOVE the salt water taffy idea - as soon as i read it i added it to my list. That is a GREAT idea. thank you!!

@Sarah - we are guessing about 40 people will decline. about 60 are traveling from OOS, but 15-20 will definitely be there (groomsmen, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles.. this family is super tightknit so i have a feeling that we will at least still have about 130-140 show (which is totally fine because i do absolutely love his family).

that is a GREAT point can't start it off on the wrong foot!

My wedding vision was to have a super small morning ceremony and do a casual brunch afterward, mimosas and coffee and have everyone leave by 2pm. But I got completely vetoed on my own wedding my FH, my parents and the in-laws aaand pretty much everyone we know. Now I'm having a full catered reception with a DJ, lighting, full bar and the whole works. It is what it is. I've come to realize despite what we are conditioned to believe through reality television, your wedding isn't about you. It's about your friends and family. But on the bright side, you get to bring everyone you love to the same place for a day and the only other time that is ever going to happen is at your funeral so you may as well enjoy it.

Other than the funeral comment lol, I agree with Sarah. Unfortunately, weddings end up being A LOT more about the family than about you. Honestly, I feel like my wedding is at least 85% about family and maybe 15% about us. I'm also having a beach-themed wedding, so at least the decorations are about us. :-)

The honeymoon is what's 100% about the bride and groom though! So pick yourself an awesome honeymoon and everything will be great. :-)

I hear this ALL THE TIME. At some point, if you really want to have what you want, you have to put your foot down. Easier earlier than later, honestly.

Choosing 50 guests over 180 doesn't mean you've made it 'all about you'; it means you've chosen to celebrate with your closest family and friends instead of 3d cousins and your parents' co workers.

You don't have to have a circus. But you have to stop it before the elephants leave the tent. You have an entire year to make this different (and I've seen this happen all the time too....) Non refundable deposits can be used towards smaller parties; bands can shrink. You're looking at one of the most popular days of next year; it shouldn't be an issue to change horses, (and get on a pony instead).

But I can tell you, if you feel like this now? In a year you'll resent everyone around you. If you keep it truly small, the other 130 people will eventually understand that you wanted to keep it intimate.

Have a heart to heart with your fiancé; if this is really what you want, pull the plug. i can guarantee you that you'll feel better immediately.

I'm so sorry that i am just now replying to everyone! my internet was getting set up - so i am back online now THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! i had a talk with my fiance this weekend - we are having another talk tonight about it. i came to the realization that he didn't really understand that i felt the way i felt (we are working on communcation - not an easy road, but we are getting there ). FMIL totally deflated my bubble again yesterday but FH stood up for me - so i think he is starting to see it.

His family lives in NC so FFIL brought up the idea of having a secondary reception planned ALL by FMIL down there for the people who can't make it - and to lessen our count up here. So hopefully that will fly too - and i would get to wear my dress again - i wouldn't complain about that !!!

Thank you ladies so much! i am so thankful for these forums