Ex Girlfriend #cousin from my Fiance

View Quoted Comment It's an acceptable practice in several other countries. The origibal poster wrote "Anyways, maybe it’s just me..I had to write this because I don’t have friends to share my feelings... I am from another country.."


I was assuming that maybe she and her fiance's family were from a place where that was acceptable

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Okay. May I ask where you are from?

View Quoted Comment Right! I agree... but he is a good person at the end.. at least for me!

View Quoted Comment

Based on what she wrote, her fiancé and his family are from the US where it definitely isn't common and in some places is actually illegal.

View Quoted Comment I am from Brazil and his American
(Sorry my English)

View Quoted Comment It’s cousin through his mom marriage
Niece of his stepdad

View Quoted Comment

I saw that she isn't a biological cousin which definitely makes a difference. When you said cousin, I thought you meant she was a biological cousin. I do understand why you'd be jealous though. My husband's ex and his friend's wife are best friends so I've had to be around her a few times and it is always super awkward. What makes it even more awkward is that she's admitted to having him blocked on Facebook because she gets jealous of seeing him happy with me. I tend to try to avoid her when we are at events she is in attendance.

View Quoted Comment Ok now I'm caught up. She mentioned they are cousins through marriage, not blood.

I saw that now. I think if she would've started with that people might not have jumped all over the fact that he dated his cousin.

View Quoted Comment Wow! Do you feel he’s the right guy for you? Or do you think maybe his behavior is a bit unacceptable? Now that I have more of an understanding of the situation I think you have a right to be upset. This is a person that he kept secret. It seems like he’s continuing to keep secrets seeing as how he told you he was going to get chairs but that was just so he could talk to his cousin/ex-girlfriend in private. He needs to be more open and honest about himself with you. If you both are getting married, there is no need for him to Lie to you about getting chairs talk to her in private. Do you see this as a big red flag possibly?
Do you feel like he’s the only one for you? Do you feel like you may have doubts?

View Quoted Comment My fiancé and I already talked about how to react when she is around the family, specially if it’s a matter of death and stuff like that, but all what he said to me didn’t happened, he keeps commenting of stuff she says or trying to start a conversation etc... I just don’t feel comfortable and I had to put up with that, and probably anytime this week I will have to do that again. I don’t like, I feel strange.

View Quoted Comment

He shouldn't be forcing you to deal with uncomfortable situations. It also doesn't sound like he was very honest with you since he kept it a secret from you that he dated her to begin with.

View Quoted Comment The chair part was real and he didn’t want to secretly talk to her, had more people in the room and they were all talking, but before he took the chairs he said “stay there” and I did but after a few minutes I got upset and went behind him to see what’s happening on why he was not back after taking the chairs. And I had to play nice even tough inside I was upset and angry.

View Quoted Comment It was not a complete secret because I knew about her but I didn’t know was part of the family......

View Quoted Comment

That makes a lot more sense. I would not worry about the ex girlfriend. Just focus on being there for your soon to be husband. You are with him, not her.

Lol it was my best guess haha

This is an incredibly stressful time for everyone, so tension is going to be high.
There is a concept called “ring theory” that addresses crisis situations. In short, everyone involved has a “circle” - his grandma is at the center of the circle. Everyone else offers her comfort and support. Then the next level would be her spouse, her children, grandchildren - all these people ideally offer her support, and get support from the next people out - their significant others. That circle offers support in, and vents/gets support from the people in the next outer circle.
I explain this because with families things can get heated, things can be said that will never be forgotten, that sort of thing. You will feel awful if the memories of his last day with his grandma are filled with this issue between you. You are getting married. He’s chosen you. Chances are he is not going to decide to take up with his ex during this. If it was a normal situation, he wouldn’t be around her. But it’s not normal at all, this is a huge deal for his family, a time of grief and goodbyes. My grandmother recently passed away at 100. I will never forget how amazing my FH was - he was a rock for me. He made the travel plans, booked the hotel and rental car, everything. He had never met my extended family, and he blended in and was quiet support, supportive and in the background for me alone. I fell even more in love with him than ever. This can be a time that builds intimacy and trust with you FH.

So I am in no way blaming you for your jealousy - I am a jealous woman as well. But perhaps he asked you to stay where you were to possibly avoid a scene/confrontation with his ex, if he was trying to not actively have a conversation with her, as you said I’m a previous comment? I understand that the situation is odd and difficult for you. But also you have to keep in mind that his grandma is very ill and preparing for the end of her life. I think that is the situation that needs to be the main focus right now. I do completely sympathize with your feelings - but try to remember that he and his family are grieving right now, and it sounds like he may be being cordial to his ex as a courtesy to limit the stress on his family. That being said, if he is being deceitful or you feel like you can’t trust him, then you should really have an honest conversation with him and decide whether or not this relationship is ready for marriage. Best of luck to you sweetie !

View Quoted Comment His Grandma just passed away this night and as soon his mom called at 3:30am I couldn’t sleep anymore, I am much more stressed/anxious/sad then him, because of my brothers death around 5 years ago really traumatized me.. anyways, he is not doing anything I could not trust him, but the fact that he keeps being friendly and polite, makes me very uncomfortable.. because when he told me about his ex and his family not having a connection with her family (which is the same family), was totally different then what is appearing to be right now. I was thinking everybody was mad or angry with each one.. and I do understand the situation and putting apart because of grandma, but still... I tried to talk with him, but he keeps saying that I am stressing myself and that is stuff from my mind. Anyways, I am trying to deal with the grieving and the stress about his ex girlfriend/cousin through marriage. And by the way, after the funeral will have a dinner reunion and I am so overwhelmed having to socialize with her, play nice but inside of me I am just burning. I’ve been dealing with jealousy for quite a while, I just wish I could relax but it’s difficult. (Sorry for my English and thanks for you opinion).