Ex-wife and Etiquette

Is it possible for only the ex-wife to pick her up the daughter? Does her husband necessarily have to walk up with her if she’s just picking her up and leaving? Or could your half brother possibly walk her to the car so neither have to get out the car?

I can see how this can get a little sticky but they don't really need permission on who stays with/picks up their children. This was probably planned with the best of intentions so your half brother and his wife can stay and enjoy your day/night with you and the child doesn't get super cranky at the wedding. Since it was your mom they mentioned it to maybe she can gently suggest your half brother and his wife just quietly bring the children to the car. I d also just give your dad a heads up so he s not caught off guards if he does happen to see her. Honestly everyone here is an adult so here s hoping out of respect for you and your partner all parties will behave well. Try not to stress over it, good luck!

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I reached out to her, and I think we'll probably arrange that the daughter be picked up in the parking lot. There has been much tension over the years about the divorce for all involved, and unfortunately, most are not very adult about it..It would have been nice if they considered that, but I don't think they were thinking it through about plans. Thanks for the encouragement!

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I reached out to my sister-in-law, because I didn't want to hold off asking her about just meeting in the parking lot to pick up the daughter. Taking into account the divorce and the various tension over the years, I don't think they were thinking things through all the way.

View Quoted Comment Gotcha. Glad you were able to reach out to her. I hope it all works out Lynda!

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Well it sounds like you resolved it well. Happy planning!

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Honestly, it's not their job to think things through all the way to avoid conflict between two grown adults. They don't have a duty to ask or inform you of their childcare plans. They don't have a duty to mitigate conflict when they are simply caring for their children. Your dad should be mature enough to handle seeing his ex wife briefly while she's picking up a mutual grandchild.

Should I contact my half-brother and sister-in-law now to ask that they be discreet? (It is a bit awkward in the first place since I was never told by them.)

It sounds like they were doing it discreetly and to avoid any tension for you. Glad they were able to have a good resolution with you, but they were under no obligation to inform you of their childcare plans. The fact that they're not invited means they're not going to linger. It's not like wedding crashing. They're getting their granddaughter and leaving.