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Katherine
Expert October 2021

Ex wife drama/ Step kids wedding outfits.

Katherine, on February 3, 2021 at 6:49 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 27
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So my fiancé was previously married before me and has a daughter and son. They had a very messy divorce and she likes to make our lives living hell usually using the kids unfortunately. She also absolutely despises me. Shoker. Our issue is we would love more then anything for them to be apart of the wedding but worried she is not going to allow them to be there. She already doesn't follow orders on when he's supposed to have them. We really need for them to obviously match the bridal party since we want them to be apart of the wedding. We just don't want to spend so much money on a bridesmaid dress and tux for it not to be used. I came up with the idea of buying a similar dress to my bridesmaids dresses on Amazon. Dresses aren't cheap and even if it's not the perfect quality of the boutique dresses it will still match similar. I'm not worried about her dress being exact to everyone else.. I'll just be happy she is there. Also my dresses have to be ordered by end of this month and I know she won't allow him to have them over some made up excuse. What do you think? Should I order an Amazon/ online dress for her?

27 Comments

Latest activity by Katherine, on February 7, 2021 at 3:42 PM
  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
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    No. Can you imagine the problems that could come from buying your future stepdaughter a "cheap" knockoff. I think you would just be opening yourself up to further abuse. Plus which, the children might feel lesser than. Think of it like the kid at school when all the kids are wearing a brand name and they have a knock off.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I tend to agree. Do you have any idea what size they would wear? Also it sounds like your fiancé needs to put his foot and make sure she is following the custody order that is in place and if she isn't then he should take her back to court.

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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    He has put his foot down and court let's her get away with a lot. The kids have both said they want to be there but doubt there mother will let them. I don't think the kids would feel less and I would make sure it wasn't the worst quality. I'd make sure it was still decent.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    How old are the children and do they want to be in the wedding (this isn't a judgement question, just that kids should have some say in how they participate in a parent's wedding)?

    No matter whether they participate in the wedding or not, I would encourage your future husband to spend the time between now and the wedding getting his custody issues ironed out. This is about more than the wedding; it's about his kids knowing he wants to be in their lives and will fight for them.

    Options for including them in the wedding (all depending on their ages and what they want):

    *They can stand on their dad's side and wear complementary colors but not necessarily brides/groomsman outfits.

    *Spend the money on the attire they need and don't worry about whether or not it will get used (that is a small price to pay for including his children) then hope for the best and have them be in the wedding party as originally planned if they are there.

    *They could just wear nice outfits and escort their grandparents/their dad/other special guests into the ceremony.

    *They could just wear nice clothes and do readings, or give speeches, or participate in spotlight dances.

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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    Both kids do want to be in the wedding. They are very excited about it. He's waiting for two more years for the kids to be able to choose whom they want to stay with. (There's a year gap and don't want one to leave the other behind which they agree). His son would technically get to choose next year but his daughter in 2 years.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would order the amazon attire and have your fiancé take her to court for contempt if she's not following a court order 🤷🏾‍♀️
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    Glad one person agrees with me! I want her to fit in with the other bridesmaids. He's done so many contempts.. they really don't do anything about the spilt custody order since she loves using covid. Dont get me wrong its a serious thing but it's not like we take them out and try to give them covid.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    If they want to be in the wedding, then your answer is easy: order them the proper attire so they match other wedding attendants. Is there a risk you will waste your money? Maybe. But you will spend the money if they ARE allowed to come, so it should be considered a sunk cost anyway.

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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    Problem is dress can't be ordered without her being sized. Which needs to be done by this month. ( we don't see that happening) we want them to match the bridal party in some way. Same with the tux. We at least can figure out the online sizes and tailor it If needed.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I work for a courthouse so I definitely understand. Right now it's harder for them to enforce anything unless it's serious criminal cases. Many people are getting passes right now unfortunately
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    That's exactly what's happening and it really sucks! Especially for the kids because they do miss their dad! They love being at our house.
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I mean. No. No I wouldn’t buy a cheap dress for my soon-to-be stepdaughter. I’d ask her to measure herself (tons of guides online to doing it herself) and order one size up to be safe—or just estimate her size based on the cheap version you’re planning on ordering. It’s clearly about the cost for you, as you say multiple times, and I just wouldn’t want that to be something that prevented me for making my future family feel included.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Can you guess what size she is? It won’t be perfect, of course but the message to your stepdaughter will be clear - you did everything possible to have her in the wedding.
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    She's young and won't know how to do it or get the measuring tape she needs. The bridesmaids dresses are around 200 so yea weddings are expensive and I rather not be out of 200 plus his suit which is 400 all together. Budget is a thing we are strict on. I know she will be happy to wear whatever. I'm not going to buy the worst quality dress I can find for her but still something that isn't the 200. I know I said Amazon but obviously look at other sites as well.
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    Are you paying for your other bridesmaids dresses or asking them to pay $200 per gown? Because I wouldn’t ask someone to spend money on something I personally deemed too expensive to spend on my own daughter.
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    Shes so tiny I wouldn't know at all. My fiance agrees on getting the dress else where. 200 is a lot to lose on a 50/50 chance being there. She knows we want her there same with his son. They aren't ones to really worry about the details of their dress compared to the others. I'm sure her dress will technically be a little different anyways since she is so young compared to the other girls.
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    The other bridesmaids are a for sure being there. Step daughter is a not sure. If it was a for sure thing she was going to be there I'd have no problem paying the 200.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Are these the only kids in the bridal party? I don't think they need to be in the same attire as the adults. Kids are usually dressed distinctively anyway.


    Get them their own kid appropriate outfits that are complementary but different, rather than trying to get a cheap imitation of what the adults are wearing.
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  • Katherine
    Expert October 2021
    Katherine ·
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    They are supposed to be in the bridal party and besides ring bearer and flower girl they are the only kids. The dresses I've been looking up similar to the bridesmaids dresses still aren't the cheapest thing but it's also not price of the dresses of the for sure people in the wedding. (I'd have no problem paying for the same dress if it was a for sure thing) I'm not trying to stick them in a 20$ outfit or anything like that. I still want both of them to be in good quality comfortable outfits.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Have the two of you directly and respectfully talked to the kids’ mother about having them be a part of the wedding, getting sized, etc.? This should be a mature, coparenting conversation and not just the kids being a go-between to deliver information.
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