Excited about Marriage but Sad about Name Change

If it makes you that sad, don’t change it. It absolutely doesn’t “come with the territory”. Lots of married people don’t change their name.

View Quoted Comment I agree here completely. You aren't obligated to change your name. If it upsets you that much, keep your name.

Don't change your name. I didn't. Or, don't change your name at work. Just because you legally change your name doesn't mean you have to use it at work, except on official paperwork for the school.

I know how you feel. It's a BIG adjustment! I ended up deciding to change my last name, but I told my fiance (soon to be husband in 3 days) don't be too hurt or surprised if it takes me awhile to grasp changing my last name. For me, it's changing my last name while working for the family business so in a way, I feel like I'm losing a part of me. For us, even though we live together, there are times, he has more time to pick up my mail from the post office, but can't since we don't have the same last name or have the same address on our drivers license. This way helps us to do those things.

It saddens me that the tradition has been women changing their name. Why? Because marriage meant leaving their family to join their husband's family. It doesn't have to be that way anymore. He could take your last name. Or, better yet, find a way to combine both your last names to represent this new family you are creating. For example, John Robinson and Sarah James becomes Mr. And Mrs. Jameson. The combining of last names is what my FH and I are doing. It means neither of us is making a change that the other isn't making - We are doing together.

I totally feel you. I’m in HR so I work with building security to get badges for the new employees. I was down in the office with two new hires yesterday and the security guy was like “since you’re here, do you want me to just change your name and make you a new badge now?” I mean I’ll be honest, I’m going to change it but it freaked me out. Let me have my last month as a Smith!!! Also, I lost my license so I ordered a new one and changed the address from my parent’s house to FH and my apartment. Didn’t think that would freak me out until it came in the mail last night and FH goes “that’s cool but now you’re in a different county completely”. It’s like all these changes!!!! Ahh! So excited but kind of shocking.

I am a little over 3 months out from my wedding and I keep struggling this too! I'm 33 and have never been married, my parents are both very old and my brother, being the last male in my family, will more than likely never have kids. My FH is fine if I don't change my name but I guess i feel like it's the right thing to do. I know I don't have to, but I can relate to the stress of it! Not to mention my new name will be a terrible one!

Taking your spouse’s name doesn’t “come with the territory.” If you feel that sad about it, then keep your name. Or have your husband change his last name to yours so they are the same.

If its bothering you this much then just don't change your name. I'm fairly practical and the only reason I'm changing my name is because it is simpler to spell and easier to pronounce (going from an uncommon foreign sounding name to a common English noun).

If you are torn and want to make a change but, aren't ready to fully take the new name you have lots of options:

1. Replace your current middle name with your current last name and take FH's last name.

2. Hyphenate it. You could still go by Walter in the classroom.

3. Don't change your name legally (or at work) but, socially go by your FH's name.

I'm sure there are other options too but, these are the ones I could think of off the top of my head.

Keep your name professionally and use your H's name socially.

I’m keeping my maiden name! I’ve had it for 28 years and don’t really want to change it. My FH is super supportive and I can always change it down the road

You don't have to change your name though...

Every situation is unique so you should do what will make you the happiest. I totally understand why people choose to hyphenate, not change their name at all, or even when the groom takes the brides last name (FH and I considered this). I love my maiden name and FH has no contact with his family and hates that he's named after his father, but ultimately we are very traditional people so I'm taking his last name. I will make my maiden my middle and even though I'm sad I won't be a W******* anymore, I'm happy for my future children that they'll be a D******. I don't know how the district you teach in works but everywhere I went to school things were usually done in alphabetical order by last name so I was almost always last for everything.

I am feeling really sad as well! It’s been who I am my whole life. I am also a teacher and it is going to be so weird not to be called by my maiden name. But I am excited to be married into an amazing family and look forward to new beginnings! Looking for all things positive!

This definitely doesn't 'come with the territory'. I kept my name and it was very important to me, and I very, very much dislike this 'tradition'. You don't have to change your name if you don't want too. Remember, this is a choice that you and only you get to make.

OP, I didn't change my name and you don't have to if you don't want to! I kept my own name professionally/legally and just changed all my social media platforms to my husband's name. I get called by his name on wedding invites etc.

You can keep your old name at work, especially if kids will have trouble with it.

I am going through the name change process right now and when HR asked me if I wanted to change my email address to include my new name I didn't know what to say. Professionally everyone knows me by my old name, so I think I am going to stick with it and just change my name socially, There is also no time constraint on changing your name, so you can always keep your maiden name for name and down the road if you want to change it you can.

You can totally keep your maiden name! There is no reason you have to change it, it doesn't come with the territory. It's not 1805, and women aren't property anymore.

There are so many option too, you can take his name and still keep using yours in the classroom.

He could take your name.

You could hyphenate.

You could take his last name as a middle name. Or change yours to a middle name.

FW and I are both taking our mothers maiden names and hyphenating them. This is a time when we can all totally re-invent the wheel. Mostly because the wheel used to be square.

I’m 9 days out too!! I’m a kindergarten teacher so I totally understand the connection you have with your name at school. I’m looping up to first next year with my kindergartners from this year. I’m changing my name over the sunmer; they’re going to be so confused when they come back to school in the fall and I’m the same teacher but have a new name! I’ve started prepping them for it, but it’s going to be difficult for sure!

I'm actually extremely sad about having to change my last name. Of course I want to, because I want to feel like more of a family with my FH, but I completely know what you mean. It's been mine for the last 24, almost 25 years. It's sad and almost feels like you're losing your identity. Definitely a bittersweet part of getting married!