Excluding extended family?

The OP mentioned that it was "our" (presumably the couple's) solution, and that the parents were hosting it. Parents and family hosting parties to celebrate a newlywed couple are not a new concept; it used to be very uncommon for extended families to travel out of town or out of state for a wedding. Heck, the origin of the honeymoon was the couple traveling around and staying with relatives who hadn't been able to come to the wedding . If the couple is uncomfortable with this solution, then sure, they shouldn't feel that they have to have the party, but there's nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate family, especially when there are no expectations put on the guests.

View Quoted Comment Sorry, but I don’t know how many other ways to say it. A later celebration of marriage when the wedding was intimate is not rude.

No you do not. As a wedding planner and a bride to be I made my list the smallest possible. I come from a very large family so what I did is that I am going to invite the people that know us both. That actually call us and spend quality time with us. I know family loves us but sometimes not all family is always close so maybe you can go live and have the people that could not be there see you guys. Good luck on your planning!!!

Here’s an interesting etiquette article on the topic:
https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/07/25/miss-manners-they-lied-to-us-for-years-and-now-were-expected-to-attend-the-wedding/


Past posts via the search feature have mentioned that they as guests (and their loved ones who share information on the mutual guest level) have stated that they don’t view the (largely popular since post-Covid) trend of not acknowledging the legal aspect as real/valid and saying that the “renewal as “wedding” and don’t dare call it anything else” is disrespectful to those who chose not to have a huge party afterwards and invalidates them. Also there are some social circles who speak very negatively about the couples who do the multiple “wedding” trend and choose not to be honest with their loved ones, and it backfires. Guests leave in the middle of the event, they cut contact with the couple, and whatever else they feel appropriate given the circumstances, that the internet at large says “doesn’t ever happen” and “people who do get upset are delusional” and other gaslighting tactics to justify not caring what those around them feel, which is the opposite of etiquette which is not outdated because humans always need to know how to smoothly navigate social situations without upsetting or offending others. At the end of the day, people do what they want and no one who is offended will ever say it to your face.
There is no reason to be a people pleaser and have a party you don’t want to pay for people you don’t care about just because parents insist or strangers on the internet do it and it’s not part of your social circle tradition or comfort zone/mental health boundaries.