Expensive Bridesmaid Dress

You aren’t being unreasonable. Aside from pulling from my savings account, which I wouldn’t do to be in someone’s wedding, I couldn’t come up with an extra $200 in a week for a dress.

No, you are not being unreasonable, and she is being shockingly rude by trying to tell you what your budget should be.

The etiquette, generally, is to reach out to each member of the BP individually and ask about their budget, then find a dress that fits into the lowest budget offered.

I could probably come up with $200 in a week for a dress, but unless it was my BFF or my sister (neither of whom would ask me to do so) I would politely decline. You are well within your rights to politely decline as well.

You are NOT being unreasonable, she sounds like she's being a crappy friend to you right now.

I would explain again that you don't have the budget for the dress that she picked out without asking anyone their own personal budgets. Can she recommend a different dress or style that's similar but less expensive? If you don't feel comfortable spending that money that's 100% okay. If she pushes you on it or gives you the excuse that they all have to be bought "together because of dye lots" that kind of a bullshit excuse.

If you want to be in the wedding and are willing to save for the dress, tell her you're prepared to buy it when you have the money (in a month or x weeks). Or she can upfront the money for you now and you can pay her back.

Or just tell her straight up it's not in your budget. She does not understand that everyone's situation is different. Just because I got a raise from work does not mean I automatically have more disposable cash, maybe I'm paying off my student loans, or putting extra in my 401K. Not everything is about her.

No you aren't being unreasonable. 1) How you spend your money is none of her business, 2)she should have discussed budget with you individually before she picked a dress. Over $200 is a lot to spend on a BM dress, especially with a week's notice.

You are not being unreasonable. Asking to spend over $200 on a dress is a lot, and should have been a group decision. You also should have had a say in the dress choice, in my opinion. At least the idea should also have been floated to you al before a decision was made.Also, the last minute notice is completely rude and unrealistic.

Commenting on your financial situation is completely out of line on her part. She does not know, nor need to know, your money situation or what you spend it on. Her approach is so out of line. Sorry you're dealing with this.

$200 is pretty standard for a BM dress. (I’ve been in 5 bridal parties and it’s about what I spent each time.)

She really shouldn’t have waited this long for a July wedding, and she shouldn’t have sprung the info so last minute.



couldn’t imagine cutting any of my BMs because of dress cost. There’s so many ways to work it out. I’ve had plenty of instances where the bride purchased all dresses and we paid her back. Maybe that can be an option?

Typically, the dresses, especially if matching, need to be purchased in one shot because of the dying method. (If they’re dyed in separate batches, the colors won’t match.)

good luck!

You're not being unreasonable at all! It's not your fault that she waited til the last minute to decide on the dress she wanted you all in.

I agree with PP and M.Hand especially. How rude and self centered. 200 sound like a lot for a bridesmaid dress. I wouldn't even think to put aside that much in the first place if I were you.

Just wait until you find out how much the shower and bachelorette party that she expects will cost. You'll have to decide whether $200 is worth risking your friendship. Yes, she did everything wrong, but I fear that if you back out of the wedding, your friendship will end. She sounds that type based on her comments on your collection and raise. Losing the friendship might not be so bad (those comments, sigh), but only you can know that.

You are not unreasonable! Your friend is unreasonable! within a week seriously? Does she anticipate on helping you all pay? I've paid 200 for a bridesmaid dress and i hope to find dresses for my girls 200 and under. I told them if i found one i just died to have and it was over i would pay the balance. However, considering everyone's budget i would NEVER tell them they need to pay for a dress within a few days. They have been aware for months they need a dress and we are picking this month so they will have 2 months to buy the dress. Even if the dress is $80 that we pick id like for them to have way more notice to buy than a week. That's tough!

It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks is "standard" for a BM dress.

Every bride should check each BM's budget individually and privately before choosing a dress. She didn't do that. I would respond:

"I am shocked that a friend would imply that I should sell any of my assets to be in her wedding. I am sorry that we are in this situation because we were not asked our budgets before you chose a dress, but I cannot afford a $200 dress, period. We all know there are other expenses associated with being a bridesmaid, yet to come. If you insist on this dress, I will have to step down and look forward to attending as a guest."

She is being unreasonable not you. There is no way I could come up with an extra $200 in one week, especially to buy a dress I'll wear once.

Agreeing with what everyone is saying;

Though $200 can be about what bridesmaid dresses run, giving you only a week's notice is absurd. And then her response to your legit concern is ridiculous.

You are so not being unreasonable.

I am only having a MOH and I told her she could wear whatever she liked. She is on a tight budget so I said even one she already owned would be OK as long as it was floor length and not black, white, or red.

She picked herself out a gorgeous one that requires zero alterations, but cost $275. She thinks it's rewearable at least and it was her choice.

I don't know too many places here to get a dress under $200, honestly (but my dollars are worth 30% less).

Her comments about your finances are rude because you can spend your money how you like... but I think she should respect your budget. Did you give her one?

$200 is normal range for BM dresses; my Jr BM dress was $250. However, this cost sprung onto you last minute is unreasonable

That’s awful she can’t call you out for YOUR hobbies for your wedding. Ask her to pay for the dress and you’ll pay her back in 50 dollar increments ?
Or explain that the dress is too expensive and she never ask how much you’d comfortably be able to afford

View Quoted Comment I don’t agree. David’s has them for 100-160.
i found my girls dresses (long blush gowns) for 64 dollars.

I soent 50 bucks on a black formal, long gown for my friends wedding. 200 is not the norm. I would say 100-159 but you still need to be considerate of your bridalnparty

You are definitely not being unreasonable, $200 is a lot of money and I couldn't come up with it in a week either due to her own poor planning. She isn't allowed to tell you how to spend your money. You have your own bills and life expenses to pay for, as well as paying for things you enjoy. She is being extremely rude, I'm not sure I would want to be in her wedding party after that.

She should not have assumed anything about your budget or the budgets of the other BMs. She should have spoken with you each about what you were comfortable spending on a BM dress and then chosen a dress that was within the smallest budget given. It's especially appalling that she expects all of you to buy a $200 dress within a week having no clue that such an expense was coming up.

You are not wrong to let her know that this dress is out if your budget and to suggest she try to find something similar at a lower price point. That is a reasonable request. Heck, I'd even send her links to similar styled dresses at lower price points as suggestions.

She was also wrong to combat your statement that the $200 dress is out of your budget with a comment on your promotion and recent purchases for your collection. No one gets to decide how you spend your money but you. That was very out of line for her to say. If you decide you can or will only set aside a certain amount for her wedding, she should respect that.

If she's unwilling to budge on the dress, it would be understandable if you decided to let her know you cannot afford that dress and that you'd prefer to just attend her wedding as a guest. She does not get to coerce you to spend more money on a dress than you want to or can.

I'd be bowing out right about now.