Falling out of love with your husband

I think you’re going through something very normal. Even in the best of relationships, the relationship will inevitably ebb and flow. I am not married to FH yet (together 6 years now though) and there are times where I can’t get enough of him and love him to bits and other days where I sit there thinking ‘fk this, fk that, is this what I want’. I don’t know of a single, long-term relationship that has been 100% pure bliss.

I wouldn’t dwell on your feelings too much for now, particularly if you are just going through a rough few days/weeks. I think this is definitely something you do need to monitor though if these feelings continue for a prolonged period. All the best!

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I will be praying for you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you I feel like it’s just a phase and we have gotten into such a routine now with work and the kids and I am thinking of changing jobs. I think it’s just all getting a little overwhelming.

You said you’ve gotten on a routine now with the kids and such, maybe it’s that everything has become routine. Maybe you guys need to plan date nights once a month and make them happen. A time for you to get out and away from the kids to just be a couple and rekindle the spark. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and feel that things aren’t like they used to be, but that’s when you have to make yourself say “no we aren’t settling for that!” and make the effort to get out of the rut. Does that make sense? Good luck!

View Quoted Comment It does thank you so much and I have actually thought about that, but haven’t mentioned it because I didn’t want to seem selfish by leaving the kids.

View Quoted Comment Not selfish at all to take a night for yourselves! In fact it’s really important to do so to keep your happy family happy.

I think maybe you should remind yourself on the reasons why you feel in love with him and take sometime for yourselves once a week too. That can def help ! Honestly, I think what you're going through is completely normal and it is just a phase.

You know sometimes i feel like people think that love has to be this constant excitement. when really it's quiet. quiet as in you're not always going to have these jitters in your stomach and butterflies and sparkles and fireworks but that quiet love is the feeling of comfort and home. so yes, sometimes it can feel mundane or not exciting but realize that it's not always gonna be that way anyway

I would maybe seek out couple's counseling. As Melle said, love isn't always fiery passion. But if you're saying that you feel you are drifting apart that isn't something I would just hope goes away.

I recommend you seek couple's therapy.

I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for two. In the past, we've had an entire year where things just weren't right or weren't there. All sorts of things happen - stress, jobs, family issues, whatever. But at the end of the day love is a choice. Commitment is a choice. We chose each other and we chose to work through the times when it's not so easy. Make it a priority to have times to connect, where you're not talking about the issues of the day (money, family, work, etc.). But you might have some feelings to explore on your own as well - perhaps some individual therapy might be in order before you think about couples' counseling.

Hi Jess, all married couples, especially those married for decades, say marriage is work. There is no shame in putting the work in and I love the idea of date nights or counseling as the ladies suggested - all good ideas. Appreciation goes a long way. I try to remember to thank my husband (as he does for me) for dinner made, working hard at our jobs, running an errand for each other, etc. Although our lives can be mundane, I love I can expect like clockwork my husband comes home after work and the predictability gives me comfort that I can count on him. Something I learned a long time ago is happiness can only come from within yourself and your spouse is not responsible to provide all your happiness. Picking up a new hobby or side job that fulfills you adds more to the conversation with your husband: jewelry making for Christmas gifts, exercise, painting, volunteering, creating cards for those in your local nursing home, open an Etsy shop, the possibilities are endless ❤️ I hope this helps and doesn’t sound harsh. I’m sure it cannot be easy with 3 children during a pandemic and we are all growing bored. Hang in there!!! 🍁❤️🎃

Stress can definitely impact how you're feeling! We did couples counseling and scheduled a date night once a week. Marriage is definitely work. What helped us was, putting our feelings out in the open & discussing how we feel. We eliminated some stressors. Def include self care for yourself too so you dont feel burnt out!

Love as a feeling is going to ebb and flow. The lovey dovey feeling is never going to exist every single day of your lives. I see marriage and love as a commitment to one another through thick and thin. Feelings are fickle. One day I love having red hair, the next month I want to dye it another color.

Nah I think makes sense, even with my fiancee, whom I love to death, there are times where I have these doubts of: Am I making the right choice? Is this going to work out? We've been together for around six years, and It's gotten to the point where we have days where we're like, fk you, I hate you, and there are days where we can't keep our hands off one another. It's a process, and I think that's why it's good to have some sort of life outside of your partner.