Family against engagement

Your mom is not alone in thinking that 20 is too young to get married, a lot of people share that view unfortunately. Back in the day, people didn't think twice about 18 year olds getting married, but now it's viewed differently. FH and I will be 22 when we tie the knot and we still get that from people, thankfully not family though.

I'm sorry she isn't being supportive. This could just be an emotional overreaction at the thought of her child growing up and starting a new family, that's understandable (not excusing her behavior, just giving perspective). I would just give her time to get used to the idea, I'm sure it will blow over. If not, at least you have overwhelming support from your FH's family and friends!! Best of luck to you and congratulations!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Amber, for your supportive message! I really hope it will blow over with my mom as I give her space and time. And I completely understand her reaction, I just wish she was as excited for me as I am for myself.

No one was really against our engagement, but we did get some comments. We got engaged when we were 21 and 22. Family was suddenly making comments about our finances and about how we couldn't afford a wedding. (Which we could) We have been living together for over a year and both make really good money for our age. Actually before the wedding I will be making more than my mom lol. We both are graduating college before the wedding. My advice is, that if you feel good about the relationship and like you are ready to take this step then go for it. I can understand their concern because of the 5 year age difference. Him being 25 he is ready to settle down while usually at 20 you can't even legally drink yet and are just starting your adult years. But at the same time, you know your relationship better than everyone else. They are allowed to express their concerns, but you are also an adult that can make your own decisions

View Quoted Comment Thank you Erica!
I am glad I am not alone in this, and appreciate you sharing about your life!

The only time I'm against young marriages is if the couple has rushed into it and/or they've never been independent (ie living away from home, no job or 5 year plan sort of thing). Those are the couples i would encourage to think more about it.
However it sounds like you and FH are pretty set in those things! I hope your mom comes around and can see that it's not something you guys are doing carelessly or on a whim!

A lot of people think 20 is too young, but my brother just got married in April he was 18 at the time and his wife was 19 at the time. They are now 19 and 20. They were together for 4 years and they both wanted to get married. They are both very religious and went to premarital counseling with their pastor as their pastor highly recommended it prior to marriage to make sure they knew what they both wanted. It had nothing to do with their age or anything he just always recommends it to couples wanting to get married. I was the maid of honor in their wedding and would go with her to meetings and people would often be shocked that they were getting married so young, but they knew it was right for them. If you feel it is right for you then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get married. It is young and of course everyone is going to have an opinion on it. Hell everyone has an opinion on something about the wedding. I'm 25 and I still dealt with people's opinions on things about the wedding and things we want for our future. We want a baby right away and everyone thinks we should wait and have told us to just enjoy our marriage, but at the end of the day that is our decision just like it is your decision whether you get married.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Chandra! We’ve been thinking about engagement for quiet some time now, and my partner proposed only after we both agreed that we are ready for this step in our lives

View Quoted Comment Thank you Veronica for sharing so much about your life! My partner and I believe this is the right decision, we just hope everyone will come around for it

I was 18 when I got married the first time and I had a lot of flack from my family. That I was too young to know what I was doing. Lots of things. The thing is, they were right. I was a very mature 18 year old. I had a full time job and was a year away from college graduation. What I didn't understand then is that my 20s changed so much about my world view.

That being said, maybe she feels hesitant about what's going on because she hasn't seen in person how happy you are. Maybe because she can't concretely see that you're going to be OK she is freaking out. That's what moms do, they try to keep us from making mistakes especially if they haven't seen the dynamic.

As long as you both love each other and support yourselves without depending on anyone then the only opinion on your engagement should be yours and your fh. My family likes my fh but were concerned that we got engaged so quickly (6 months into the relationship). Im an adult and my decisions are my own. If it works it works. If it doesnt oh well. My problem not theirs.

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I can relate. I was 25 when I got married the first time. We had been together for 4 years, both graduated college, I had a very stable job, but had only had it for about two years before we got married.. Things just changed. Our priorities became different, financial stress added up, work/life balance became an issue.. there's more but I will spare the details.. But looking back, I was a completely different person then verses now. A lot took place between the divorce and my current engagement (5 years later..).. counseling, traveling, paying off all my debt, pursuing my career exactly how I wanted it.. finding someone who is a perfect match, not just because we have been dating for x years.. The relationships are night and day.. Anyways, I am sure your mom wants you to be happy, but she is just apprehensive.. my mom would have been the same way (if not worse, haha!)

I think you just need to let your mom know that nothing she says is going to change your mind, and so you would appreciate her support during this time. If she can't give you the support, then maybe you need to take some space (from talking) from each other for a bit until she comes around. Could it just be a shock factor that she will get over?

If your wedding is 2021, then you will be possible 22 by the time you get married anyways. Maybe that will help ease concerns?
That being said, I am sure she is only trying to look out for you. I changed SO much in my early 20's. Maybe she remembers that about her early 20's and therefore thinks you should wait.

Ultimately it's your decision. She may have a hard time communicating her concerns and so they are coming off as rude. Hopefully time and space can heal this a bit.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome! I will say being married young can be difficult, but my biggest piece of advice is to make sure you both know what your future goals are and that those goals will align. My sister was engaged at 20 and within 8 months they broke up because they realized they didn't have similar goals. My sister wanted to travel and party whereas her fiance wanted to settle down and have a family. They ended up fighting a lot which led to their relationship ending. They had been together for four years so it was a horrible break up.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, that’s a huge part of being married

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I understand that I am currently already changing, but so far my partner and I have been growing together. And that makes me incredibly happy.

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I would agree. I have not been married before but when I think back to my early 20's - - wow, I am a different person! But at the same time, it sounds like you and your FH are enjoying the ride together. Everyone is different. I didn't even actively seek (or care to seek) anyone until I was 26. I was enjoying finding myself and my independence. What matters is that you and your FH continue to choose each other and love each other as you grow. Your mom will come around. Maybe take a trip to see her and spend some time with her as a couple.