Family and Friends upset for no invite

I actually haven't had any of that, but I also haven't posted on social media and I've invited most of my family (just not like super extended). I don't really want to bother with people being upset with me before my wedding. After? Sorry, it's done with. I'm sure that I'll hear a few things after the wedding with people I used to chat with, if I want to be honest... and I'm sure it happens more than we think. Yet, it's in poor taste to assume you should have an invite to a wedding, imo. I think that letting them know the situation is all you can do and they need to understand it.

I've had one person ask if her family was invited (she has three grown children, all married with at least 8 children between them). I told her due to our budget, I couldnt afford to invite all of them so I opted to invite none of them except for her. She told me she understood and that weddings are expensive. She came to my bridal shower and everything was fine, so I'm glad it worked out so well.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I haven't posted about it but other family members and friends have asked these other people if they were going to the wedding and that's when they reached out to me and my FH. It is absolutely poor taste to assume you're invited to a wedding, I 100% agree with that!

View Quoted Comment Thats great! I'm glad she was understanding. I'm sure later down the road these people won't be upset. I just can't believe how entitled people think they are.

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Honestly, I'm not trying to be petty or picky... people asking other people about what wedding they're going to or if they are going to one for "x" -- that's in poor taste. They're invited, that's all that matters. Why involve other people that you're unsure about and cause that person to go to you to complain about Uncle Bob that got an invite but Great Aunt Patty, twice removed, didn't? That's a really icky situation and I wish people would understand that it's cool to be excited about a wedding you're going to, but it's kind of like High School -- should you really ask people if they're going to that Saturday party and risk the uncomfortable feeling of being told "No... what party". That's how I look at this.

Not with family, but I have a neighbor in my apartment building who keeps trying to invite herself, and my FH's horrible ex wife keeps trying to get us to invite her. NO to both

View Quoted Comment Oh gosh! That would be difficult. I would be annoyed if my neighbor kept trying to invite themselves, and that's insane that his ex wife keeps trying to get an invite! People are crazy.

My invitations went out last week and I'm sweating everytime I see a notification on my phone. I know people will talk and itll get out. But trust me, in a year everyone will forget about your wedding and move on. Itll be awkward for a bit, but soon someone else will get married, have a baby, graduations, retire, ect. And the wedding will be old news. You know how time is, life moves so quickly!!

I haven't had that but I wouldn't be surprised if there were people who probably thought they'd be invited

View Quoted Comment Yes! That's what I keep telling myself.

My quest list is at 60-70 people, but I only expect 40-50 to show up. I didn’t invite most of my family (cousins, certain aunts and uncles), I only invited a few because my parents insisted. The rest was a huge no from me. Yes they are family, and no I do not know them. I am not close to any of my cousins, in fact most of my cousins have been rude to me the times I did see them at reunions, one in particular asked where the wedding will be held etc,. Even though she didn’t get an invite and I asked my mom to handle it, because I just couldn’t with her, she was always very snotty to me and at the same time overly nice? I hate that. It’s FH and I’s wedding, we invited who WE wanted/needed there (with a few exceptions) and that’s it. We even went so far as to decline plus ones, which seems so rude to them but hey, like I said Our wedding, I have social anxiety as it is, I can barely hold myself together in crowded restaurants, imagine walking down an isle in front a bunch of family members that brought their 1 night stands (yes I have a lot of family that do that! Even at funerals) The people offended I politely explained I had a set guest list and can’t invite anyone else, and I’m trying to keep it small and affordable, I even explained my anxieties and how I want it to be an intimate setting, without strangers. I stress that people will show up uninvited or bring dates etc,. My family tells me not to worry that I can’t stop it if it happens but they don’t understand my anxiety in front too many people I don’t know well (I will literally ball). So it’s a big deal for me and I really hope it works out, for me and you!

My bridesman surprised me with a girlfriend AFTER the invites had gone out. He then said, "she's coming, right?" in front of me. When he had just been privy to my whole issue with my mother.

He kept asking. Literally until RIGHT BEFORE THE REHEARSAL DINNER.

I kept saying no.

1. I was not even aware she existed until after the invites went out. Like, he hadn't *MENTIONED HER AT ALL*.

2. I had family drama and really wasn't in a position to add people before figuring that out.

3. He's got an unfortunate history of bringing "new" girlfriends to weddings, only for the relationship to blow up very messily two weeks later.

4. WHO ASKS FOR A PLUS ONE?

5. And this is why I'm glad I stood firm: it's been over a month since the wedding, and she apparently is still *miffed*, and is making HIM talk to me about it. ...I may or may not have told him that it was rude of her to presume, given costs, I don't know her, and it really worries me that she is still upset about not going to the wedding of someone she has met (*checks notes*) max 3 times.

Everyone is aware of how much weddings cost. This is a Thing in Our Culture.

We're allowed to get upset we didn't make the cut. We are not allowed to broadcast that to the couple. Emotions are valid, but behavior is how we show our maturity.

I haven’t sent out invites yet, but this is one of my biggest fears with the wedding! My mom has a HUGE family and we are having a DW with very limited capacity. We just cannot invite everyone. And I’m having the hardest time figuring out how to make the cutoff. I feel like you should be able to invite whoever you want/are closest with and that should be that. But people seem to get so crazy about wedding invites!!

I'm 6 months out going through drama with estranged mother.

Its been 21/2 years & now she wants to talk.
Don't even get me started ok on the history its not something a cup of coffee can fix lol

I need help to. As you can relate having slight anxiety and guilt for not inviting her.



Lost..

Oh the joys. My moms side of the family doesn’t even know because I haven’t seen them in over 8 years and they would cause all this drama if they knew and weren’t invited. We had a few ask if they were invited and a few assume they would be invited then ask 2 weeks ago when they realized the wedding was in a month and they hadn’t gotten an invite. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I haven't sent invites out yet obviously, but as soon as we got engaged I had so many people coming out of the woodworks asking if they would be invited. One was a girl I was friends with in high school who I haven't seen in almost four years and another was a man I used to work with for about six months. My plan is to just tell anyone upset about it that I have very limited space (which is true), but I really wanna say "I haven't seen you in four years" or "When have we ever hung out outside of work?"

You’ve done them the courtesy of explaining the situation when you don’t have to. Honestly I’ll never understand why people you don’t speak to would automatically assume they are coming to such a big event. They will learn to get over it.

Yes, I’ve been through the same thing. Our church was where we had our ceremony and it allowed 75 people tops. Some people from my husbands side got upset. I felt bad, but if he didn’t tell me to invite someone I didn’t and we had to be careful with space. But their feelings aren’t your problem. You were polite and kind about it, and so you know you handled it as best you could. They have to be accountable for their own attitudes and reactions. Sad if they have to react terribly, but that’s on them, not you.

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Right? ex wife is a lunatic. She actually told my FH that I asked her to do my makeup for the wedding. I don't talk to her one, and second I don't wanna look like her in ANY way. She's ugly inside

I have not gone through it yet, but I know I will and I am actually ready for it. I am only inviting people that #1 Support me and my FH, #2 We have spoken and been in one another lives consistently. If you do not fit into those two categories, family or not, you will not be there.