Family Drama

That is physical abuse/assault that can and should be reported to authorities.

Set and maintain boundaries with your fiance. This is a prime example of needing to go permanent no contact immediately for your safety and fiance's. Unfortunately it sounds like they will not accept the both of you as a unit and no one needs that abuse (emotional, physical) and toxicity for any reason. Narcissism is emotional abuse on its own and has no place in any loving relationship but adding physical assault is beyond unacceptable and neither should ever be tolerated.

Regardless of your fiancé’s political views I think it’s important that your family support you if he clearly means a lot to you and you care about him. They shouldn’t go out of their way to make you feel bad about your decision if you’re happy, and she 100% never should have put her hands on you like that. I understand it’s your family and that no one wants to cut off family, but if they don’t cool off with time I don’t think that they’re necessarily being reasonable and that it may be better to distance yourself from them if they can’t support your relationship or marriage

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Thank you, I did report it to the authorities. I am trying to stand strong and set those much-needed boundaries. I have made it very clear that my fiance and I are a united front and I will not tolerate any disrespect from here on out, but I do not think they are capable of respecting boundaries, so no contact may end up being what I have to do. Greatly appreciate your response.

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Thank you for your support and encouragement. You're 100% right- I need to distance myself from them for sure. It is difficult but I know it will be better off for all involved in the long run. Thank you!!

It sounds like you do need to distance yourself. Blood family doesn’t always have the best intentions and you can still love them from a distance. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship for you.

Hello Brooke.
"I am betraying the family for going against their wishes": So they think they are living in the 19th century?
I agree with Lw: you need to distance yourself from them. If that means you have to cut ties with some of them, so be it. It may be hard,heartbreaking, sure. But sometimes needed. Blood family doesn't always have your best interests at heart. You know better than anyone else if you and your fiance are made for each other. You know you want to marry him, this is the most important. My mom doesn't like my future wife because of her : "I feel like my future DIL is taking my son away from me" moments,So I know where you're coming from. However she does respect her and she knows I always put my partner first . You need to move one, with or without them.Good luck!

The moment your mother laid hands on you is the moment her argument not only lost all validity, it was the moment she broke your relationship.

Back away, make it clear *why*, and take steps to protect yourself.

I'm so sorry.

Don't speak to them during planning. Throw the wedding you want and don't invite them. If you still have marks from where your mom scratched you, take pictures of them in case you decide to press charges.

That's why I hate political talk. Not many people are mature enough to discuss politics without hating someone for having different opinions. My rule is to never ever discuss politics no matter what. I had a guy at my work ask me something about my political views and I simply told him Im not discussing my political views with him or anyone. It does nothing but cause problems.


Second id cut them off or set boundaries with them and stick to them no matter what. Just because you are blood related doesn't mean you have to tolerate their toxic behavior. I've cut family members out of my life for good for being toxic. Don't be afraid to delete them from your life, it will be hard in the beginning but it's worth it in the end.

View Quoted Comment I also agree with this. I'd press charges on your mom for assault.

Unfortunately politics isn't always just about politics anymore. Do the different political views lead them to have different morals and ethics? If so, I can understand why there is tension. But physical abuse is NEVER okay.

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Thank you, I am going to do that. It is so hard because they make me feel like their disdain/disapproval is my fault, but I know I am not responsible for their actions.

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I do have photos, I made sure to take a bunch. I actually did involve the police and after speaking to my mother, one policeman said to me "if she speaks that way to a police officer, I can't imagine what she's said to you." That was all the validation I needed!

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I'm sorry you're also experiencing this, it's so hard. It is compounded too because she has started a smear campaign and turned the entire rest of my family against me. And to answer your question, yes they do act like it's the 19th century. My mom and brother (who asks the brother anyway??!) are pissed that my fiance didn't ask for their permission. Oh well.

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Thank you for your encouragement, I'm sorry you've had to go through cutting people out of your life but I'm sure you are much better off now. I am trying to figure out if that is what I need to do. My family is causing me extreme levels of anxiety and anguish, but the thing that is holding me back is I will literally lose all of them if I cut off contact with my mom. However, my fiance's family has welcomed me with open arms and has been so loving and supportive. It's such a hard thing to go through.

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Thank you so much. I have tons of pictures and the scratches are very clear. I announced my engagement to the rest of the family and have not heard back from any of them. Oh well- it's their loss!

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Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it. I think I need to make a clean break. I know I will lose the rest of my family by cutting off contact with my mom, but they enable/turn their eyes from the abuse. I told multiple members about the physical assault and they still try to convince me to "make things right" with her. Unbelievable.

View Quoted Comment I'm so much happier and live a less stressful life now. Its definitely a hard decision to make but in time you will figure out what decision is best for you. Also if cutting them off isn't an option you want, try setting some stern boundaries with them and make it known that you will not be tolerating her behavior. I hope you find the best solution that truly works for you. Good luck girl😊

I recommend therapy as well. I went though (and am still going through) something similar, where my mother was under the impression that she would be arranging my marriage and picking out a suitable husband for me. She has always been a narcissist and quite frankly, I don't think she ever wanted to have children. I've always known that I was a disappointment to her, but I never stopped seeking approval from her. It took two years of therapy before I was able to stand up to her and learn to not feel guilty.

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My mother is a narcissist and has verbally and emotionally abused me my whole life. She has attempted to physically abuse me.

Most of her family won't talk to me because they believe her lies and have only ONCE bothered to ask me my side of the story (...about 20 years after they should have), and then were offended when I didn't tell them.

You're not alone, but I am very sorry.