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J
Just Said Yes May 2021

Family Drama

Jumpsfences, on February 24, 2021 at 2:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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I’m in a sticky situation. My fiancé has a fairly rocky relationship with his family and while he was at one point close to his sister, they spent their teen years in different households (one with one parent, one with the other) and my fiancé is rather adamant that he doesn’t like who his sister grew up to be. She however is very adamant that he will always be her “baby brother” and tries to force a relationship between the two of them. When we began planning our wedding, she immediately dove in wanting to be super involved, but he specifically asked me not to involve her at all. He also chose not to invite his two step sisters at all. This has caused some turmoil and she is still very upset that she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. I feel like at one point we had a good relationship and now I avoid her if possible. As my bridal shower and wedding approach rapidly I’m getting really nervous. I’m going to respect my future husbands wishes and feelings, but I’m not sure how I should handle this situation and all the animosity surround it.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on February 24, 2021 at 7:56 PM
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    In this situation, I would revert back to the old adage “Family handles family“. In other words, your fiancé needs to handle this situation with his family members. It’s not fair to put you in that awkward position. If he does not want them involved in the wedding or any wedding activities, he needs to sit down and have that conversation with them and make it known that it is HIS choice, not yours.
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    It sounds like the whole family could use group therapy. When you were previously close with the sister were there any red flags? I do agree families should handle things within themselves but I also think we should be supportive of our partners and help them see what maybe they can’t. If you think that a relationship with the sister is positive, I’d ask him why he feels the way he does and mention why you think she’s positive. It’s between them to work out but you can give your opinion and get clarity on his.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Jumpsfences ·
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    I definitely will! He’s involved his Dad, mom and other family members but he was very adamant that she not be a part of it. I definitely agree he should discuss it with them. I feel like I’m becoming disliked by family members of his because of a decision they think I made!
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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Jumpsfences ·
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    And I have discussed his feelings towards his sister and I honestly understand why he feels the way he does. I support him distancing himself from her, but I definitely think they all need to find a healthy way to discuss it. There were definitely a lot of red flags. She used to text me and say things like “I guess my brother hates me now” if he didn’t answer a text message or phone call from her. I wish they would all sit down and talk about it, but it seems they prefer drama and anger.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    That would be my fear as well- that his family will think you are the one making these decisions, and blame you. And then what if they patch up their differences in the future? You are left looking like the bad guy. It’s just not fair to put you in that position. And most likely FH isn’t even thinking of it that way or realizing the position he’s putting you in. Definitely sit down and have a talk with him and let him know how you are feeling and stand firm that he needs to be the one to speak to them and take ownership of these decisions. Maybe forcing him to address the situation head-on will make him reconsider. Good luck!!
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    It sounds like it’s the sister that is the issue, right? If he has no contact with her, there is no need for you to talk to her either. Block all contact. If someone brings her up, refer to his wishes for no contact. Don’t allow them to put you in the middle.
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Yeah that sucks. I’m sorry. I’d just be as supportive to him as possible.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Jumpsfences ·
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    I don’t think he realizes either, I think I’m going to explain the situation it’s put me in and ask him to talk to his family about it. Thanks!
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Absolutely agree with this. In my fiancés and mines relationship with family we always have this rule. I was taught that no matter how long the significant other has been in the family it is not their place to butt in to family matters, my fiance was also brought up that way. I keep out of his families issues and he keeps out of my families issues. If one of us has issues with the others family then the person from that family deals with it.


    I agree your fiance needs to deal with this not you! It's not right for him to put you in this situation. He needs to have a talk with them
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    This is true. When couples are planning a wedding the bride tends to be blamed for things with the wedding because typically the bride is the one making all the decisions.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    There's nothing for you to do. Your fh must deal with it bc it's his family.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Respect his wishes. If he doesn't have a relationship with this sister then she should not be invited. Only invite those you absolutely can't imagine the day without. If someone stresses you out being in their space, don't invite them.

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