I have posted on here about this before but honestly situation kinda changed and i cannot find my post but...
my mother brought up yesterday how her friends said they would help to do the day of coordinating (they all work in weddings). Right then and there i was confused as to what she was talking about because they were not on the invite list. The only time i have heard her mention her friends coming was on thanksgiving where i was bombarded with her talking about how she could not imagine the wedding without her friends there and was not going to discuss this in front of 20 of my family members so just kinda ignored her and continued my conversation. But when she brought it up i said they were never invited not sure why she would be inviting her friends without talking to me first. We have a limit of 85 because we just want family there and cause of covid. We do not even have all of our family and closest friends invited to our wedding and she wants to invite 8 more friends (i already okayed 2 because she is my godmother so 10 total). I have not seen most of these friends in about 5-10 years except for a passing hello at Walmart and they are not in my life except for my moms stories and through Facebook. I dont want them there and i even okayed a few because shes helping with some costs about 2k out of 10k. I told her no and gave her many reasons as to why it was just not the best to add more people let alone we do not even have all of our own friends and family invited. She just said she would pay for all of them and it would be fine just add them all. meaning i would be adding another table to the wedding, food, drinks, dessert and more people when we wanted a small wedding with all the important people there. She said that if they were not invited it would be a problem for her and that she has put in a few thousand dollars already and she could not ask them to work the wedding if they were not invited. ( i never asked her to have them work the wedding) She said she was not asking for too much and it is a reasonable ask and there are 7 kids anyways they wont eat or have dessert they are ages 1-7 so i mean imma call crap on that one but thats not the point of the argument. My main issue is that she invited them without asking and then almost made it seem like if they werent invited she was done helping plan and with money kinda. my FMIL bless her my FH side of the family has just helped and said whoever we want there is whats important and we have even asked about if there was anyone they wanted there and the answer was its not our wedding our friends dont need to come.
Sorry for the rant but honestly just dont feel this getting fixed in my favor without it costing me a few thousand to pay her back what she has helped with. and everything for the wedding is stored at her house so i feel like she may possibly just start getting rid of things if i dont go remove them from the house or she wont let me take it. im ready to cancel this whole thing and for it to be over with all because of my own mother.... sucks but the truth. She has pulled in my grandmother anytime i stand my ground to tell me that i am being ungrateful and rude to my mother. But that is always what I have been to them is no matter what ungrateful. but that is not a discussion for wedding wire probably for a therapist...lol. help just need someones opinion. I know what needs done but im pretty sure if i stand my ground shes just gonna say she wont be there and that will suck but whatever i guess.
