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Savvy November 2022

Family issues?

Tamia, on July 27, 2022 at 11:39 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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So early this year my fiancé and I decided that instead of having a huge wedding we are going to elope and have a small celebration of marriage a week after. At our original wedding we were doing no kids, and the plan is still the same for the celebration of marriage party. Our venue we’re using has a strict guest limit as well as a full service bar and so that’s even more of a reason why we’re doing no kids. The only exception to this is my sister in law who is bringing my niece because she discussed it with me beforehand and everyone who would watch her is attending the party. This is specified on our wedding website and on the invites we’re sending out this month. However, my grandma text me staying that my uncle said he’s bringing his 3 kids without even discussing that with me. My uncle is very reactive and has a history of violence and anger issues so I’m really nervous about telling him his kids aren’t invited—just him and his girlfriend. This whole issue also caused an argument between my grandma and I that was unnecessary. It’s really stressing me out and I want to uninvite him altogether but I know that’ll cause even more issues. Not sure what to do.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Jm Sunshine, on July 27, 2022 at 9:23 PM

Expert October 2023
Bailey · on July 27, 2022 at 11:58 AM
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Tamia, that sounds so stressful, I'm sorry! If I was you, I'd literally make a pro-con list of your possible actions and decide which one makes YOU the happiest.
1. Uninvite him
2. Confront him
3. Do nothing
I personally would not want a person at my wedding who has a history of being violent, angry, and reactive. I'm curious why you may have invited him in the first place? If it was to appease other people, I'm sorry they put that pressure on you. Remember that this is YOUR day and you have every right to exclude/include whomever you'd like.
On a second note, I'll warn you now: sometimes, even if you're incredibly clear, someone may show up with kids anyway. So if you make a big deal to your uncle, know that it may be moot point as another guest may be bringing their kids without asking just like he is. Decide if it's worth standing your ground!
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on July 27, 2022 at 12:09 PM
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If you are dead set on the no kids rule, you are going to have to confront your uncle, and make it very clear that no kids will be allowed entrance to the wedding venue, and you completely understand if that means he will not be able to attend. I would also hire security to enforce the rule for you, so you do not have to worry about dealing with that drama on your wedding day
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Rosebud · on July 27, 2022 at 12:45 PM
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Ugh this is frustrating. When you get his rsvp I d very nicely send a text and just say something along the lines of We are so excited to celebrate our wedding with you, unfortunately due to space restrictions this will be an adults only event (except for the bridal party's children) we completely understand if this changes your rsvp but we hope you and ____ can still join us. We love you and appreciate your support. If he confronts you after that I d ignore it and stick your limits. You ll only create more issues if you bend the rules for multiple guests but not others. Best of luck you.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on July 27, 2022 at 5:29 PM
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I would start first by assuming your uncle will be a normal person and respond well. I would use wording suggested by Rosebud. If you have significant concerns maybe tape the conversation. If he escalates I would rescind the invitation. Don't let this man bully you into doing something you don't want to do. I hope it goes well for you!
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Jm Sunshine · on July 27, 2022 at 9:22 PM
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From more recent posts, you stated you are eloping. I am confused. Are you eloping (just you, FH, and officiant) or is it a minimony? If you are eloping, then etiquette wise there should be no pre-wedding events and you wouldn't need bridal party. Maybe that is why MOH is backing out?
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