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Melanie
Savvy September 2021

Family Not Attending Wedding

Melanie, on June 9, 2021 at 6:49 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 2 14
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I want to preface this in that I know our wedding is much more important to us than it is to anyone else, and that people have their own lives to attend to.



Our wedding is in Sept, after postponing a year due to the pandemic. First, my cousin and MOH called me to tell me she got into med school, which is awesome. However, she doesn't know if she will be able to come to the wedding now and she won't even know until late Aug/Sept! It is far too late to replace her, it messes up the makeup/hair stylist contract as I have to have at least 4 of us, and I won't have time to replace her if she can't come. Then the next day, a flood of declines from my family came in. My Grandma. My brother. Almost all my aunts and uncles and cousins. The only people attending are my parents and one aunt and uncle. Everyone else said no. This has left us scrambling to fill seats as its only a 49 person wedding including the wedding party in the first place and we have to meet food/beverage minimums. I couldn't help it, I cried most of yesterday. I understand people have their reasons, but after 2 years of planning and knowing about the wedding for my whole family to bail? It has left me feeling super unloved and unimportant to my family. I sang for 2 of their weddings, was a flower girl as a kid for another, and feel like no one is at all interested in making one of the biggest days of my life a priority. Family really sucks sometimes.

14 Comments

Latest activity by nikki, on December 21, 2021 at 2:03 PM
  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Wow, I'm really sorry. My family is super close so I can't even imagine how you must feel.


    Honest to goodness, if I was in your shoes I would cancel. I'm not trying to break your heart, I'm just thinking of how I'd handle it. 49 people to begin with is very small, then you say only 4 of your family members are coming so now you're down in the 30-35 person range? And typically, wedding planners will tell you to expect 85% of your "yes" RSVP's to actually show up. I personally wouldn't go through all the stress of this for 25-30 people to be there. And I think it'll tarnish your memory of your own wedding if you look at photos and just see who isn't there, or see empty chairs. I know if I was you, I would spend the entire wedding day thinking about what it could have/should have been, and I wouldn't enjoy it at all.
    I would cancel, run off somewhere beautiful and fun and personal with my FH and get married there. Invite our parents and siblings to come if they wanted, but take no responsibility in planning for them.
    A wedding is about the couple getting married, and thats all that matters in the end. Don't let your family tarnish that for you.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Wow that is so unfortunate. Your feelings are valid. Sadly weddings do bring out people’s true colors, including that of family. Celebrate with fiancé and those who do show up. For the others, it’s their loss and you don’t owe them anything after this.

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  • Melanie
    Savvy September 2021
    Melanie ·
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    That's impossible. We've paid 2/3 of the venue, dress, flowers, cake, etc. We are in too deep and under contract. We have been able to ask friends and cover 4-6 spots so far. Funny how friends with 3 months notice can make it work and family with 2 years notice can't. Really shows us where we stand with several people and it will be remembered.
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I am so so sorry—of course it’s totally okay to feel hurt. It’s funny, my husband and I were talking about this tonight at dinner—we had a good chunk of our formerly yes RSVPs decline last minute for our wedding, some with “valid” reasons and some without. All were close family—my SIL and nephew (supposed to be ring bearer), a few uncles and aunts. It definitely stung at the time. But! Like you—our friends were the ones who made our day a priority, juggled med school rotations, took time off. They all said not going was never an option. That meant so so much to me.


    I think the suggestion to cancel is honestly, even if delivered with the kindest of intentions, just rude. It sucks that your grandma is choosing not to come, but her lack of presence shouldn’t be worth canceling your wedding and robbing you of the opportunity to celebrate with those who can be there and want to honor you!! I’m so glad you’re still having your big day and I know you’ll have a blast with your guests, however many are there, and new husband!!
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I’m so sorry. I agree, family really sucks sometimes. Try to remember that this day forward, you and FH will be your family. I’m sorry it really sucks though.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I am so sorry, and I would feel the same. I hope you can feel loved and celebrated with the people that do show up for you.
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  • Gloria
    Devoted May 2023
    Gloria ·
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    I couldn't agree more!

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Totally agree. Absolutely no reason to cancel your wedding over a few lame guests. It stinks that they’re declining, but it in ABSOLUTELY NO WAY suggests that you will have a terrible day bad wedding experience or anything of the sort. If anything you’ll have a better time because you’ve sorted out the people that don’t care enough, and now will have a wonderful intimate day with people that you know prioritize you and are excited to celebrate your love! A small party is an amazing party. I’ve raved on here before about my tiny shower— I got in my head for a minute about the small guestlist when I found out but it was seriously the best day ever (and all the guests raved about it after the fact), and it meant more quality time with the people who did come.


    Also only 85% of yes rsvps actually showing is ...really not a thing. Maybe expect only 85% of total invitees to actually accept, but, for most people a yes means YES. Sure life happens and sometimes things can change for people last minute, and no shows are possible, but not at such an alarming rate. We had *one* no show. A couple can happen, sure, but please don’t get in your head worrying that even the people who said yes won’t come
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Sorry Kylie I got a little over eager re the canceling thing and agreed with your comment before reading your first paragraph— not trying to belittle that with my second paragraph! There definitely can be changes last minute and stuff comes up all the time legitimate and. In. But I didn’t want the OP to get caught up in that cancelation comment now worrying that even her yeses won’t show Smiley sad. But sorry about your family changing their rsvps !!!


    On the flipside we did end up with someone who rsvped No and the week of the wedding called up all “wait I actually can come, is it too late ?!?!” 🤣
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Family does suck sometimes!

    We have smaller families and originally I was going to have four family members and my husband had eleven or twelve family invites. Wedding celebration was moved a year due to Covid. My mom is the only one in my family coming, and my husband has his parents, sister, and two aunts (five people). His family also won't come to our rehearsal dinner anymore because they don't want to drive the 45 minutes to our venue two days in a row and decided staying in a hotel is too inconvenient for them. I'm also pretty certain they'll leave our wedding early. We were planning a 60-80 person event and ended up inviting more than 90 people to end up with just 47 guests. My MOH won't be there (so I have no bridal party at all) and we had to uninvite one of the groomsmen.

    Meh. It is what it is. As much as I would like to share our day with a few more people and am really disappointed by some people not coming, I'd rather celebrate with people who actually want to celebrate with us and prioritized us in their schedule. Quality not quantity.

    Sorry you are going through this. Are there other people you can include to meet your food and beverage minimums?

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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I did not feel belittled at all Smiley smile I definitely did not expect the last minute no's and definitely don't think it was the norm at all! I just wanted to let OP know that I totally understand about friends being more excited for your wedding than family.

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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    Maybe your mom would like to have a professional do her makeup for the day (if she isn't already one of the four).

    It sucks, but you just have to look forward. Think about whether or not there are people who you didn't invite for space/budget reasons, and see if they would like to join you.

    Your wedding will be beautiful no matter what. It's okay to be disappointed and sad right now, your feelings are valid, but you will have a wonderful day when it comes.

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    I am so sorry but as a two time bride I can share the odd reasons people decline. "I don't want to leave my dog." Say what??? We had a nephew (his side, lol) never RSVP, never acknowledge me as an aunt, nothing and he lived 10 minutes from the wedding site. I am sorry this is happening but please just roll with it and move forward with your day. It is an invitation, not a summons. Best wishes! Smiley heart

    Please don't "replace" anyone in your bridal party. They will not appreciate being second choice. Just call them all attendants and call it a day.

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  • nikki
    Beginner October 2018
    nikki ·
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    I know this is a old post but I got married on July 31,2021 of this year. We were keeping it small of 75 guests and I had about 17 no shows, so we only ended up with a total of maybe 58/59 people and 11 of those were in our wedding party LOL!! There were so many whom were ready to come if people cancelled, so that is the part that pissed me off. I had people to fill in on the no shows if they would of given even a few days of cancel notice..SMH..It sucks and trust me my feelings are still hurt. It definatley wasn't the wedding I wanted..

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