Family really wants us to "include god" in our ceremony

She can't force you to do something you're uncomfortable with. If adding religion into the mix is going to put a damper on how special the day is for you and your FH, you shouldn't do it just to make someone happy. That being said, I'm also non-religious but my FH is Christian. He's not super religious or anything, but it does mean a lot to him that our vows include a prayer as well as the general religious vows (within reason). I even asked him if his grandfather would like to say a blessing before the meal at the reception (they're both very close and his grandfather is very religious). Because it's important to my FH and I have nothing against organized religion, I'm perfectly okay having a semi-religious ceremony because I know it's important to him and it doesn't make me uncomfortable. But you and your FH both agree in your religious views and this ceremony is for the two of you. If you're comfortable with it, maybe she could say the Irish prayer as part of her toast or as a blessing before the meal? I'm sure she only means well, but shoving her beliefs down your throats is not an option, especially on your wedding day.

Okay, I'm off my soap box now lol

I have performed ceremonies for couples that don't want to upset Christian family, but are atheist or do not want to include God for whatever reason. I came up with a blessing of sorts that does not mention God or any deity, but does offer wishes for the couple and their marriage. Typically it consists of things like "May your good days outnumber the bad ones. May you leave room for the other to grow, making you stronger together. May you communicate by listening as well as speaking from your heart." And so on. Would that kind of compromise work for the family or is it strictly the mention of God they are looking for? If it is the latter you and FH may need to openly discuss with them that while you respect their beliefs, you do not share them and do not feel comfortable faking it for their sake.

What about adding a moment in the ceremony for the guests/officiant to 'pray' for you both, and you can have the officiant say folks can pray to whatever deity they choose or if they choose not to pray, to spend a quiet moment of reflection to wish the couple well, support their lives together and send good thoughts their way? Kinda of like a moment of silence type thing?

I really feel like the ceremony should reflect the couple as closely as possible, so, you should politely decline any suggestions that don't make you smile ("thanks for your thoughts, but we have the ceremony already taken care of"....no need to go into details if it's only going to prompt further discussion, a simple "we really hope you enjoy the day" will do). It may be easy for me to say since this was a second-time around wedding for us and for some reason people don't seem as inclined to impose themselves on 2nd weddings, but I think if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to decide how you want to structure it, with as much or as little outside advice as you want, and without apology.

All of that said, our ceremony was just under 10 minutes, by design, and I'm pretty sure everybody was happy with that and ready to get on with the party (ceremony and reception were at the same place). Truthfully.....few people like to sit through lengthy ceremonies, so don't feel badly if yours doesn't make it past 15 mins, unless you're trying to justify making people go to a separate venue. Ours was still reflective of who we are -- although we didn't write "vows" and just went with the standard, I wrote the rest of the script (and chose the before & after music to go with it), and it was lovely. People cried. It doesn't have to be long to be meaningful. As to God.....well, I happen to be a big believer although not currently connected to a church, and all I did was have the officiant say in the beginning, "We are here today in front of family and friends, and in front of God, to celebrate the marriage of...." He was mentioned without being a focal point. Not suggesting what you should do, but if you're looking for a mild way to incorporate Him, that might work? Good luck!

You absolutely do not have to say or do anything that your family is wanting to do especially when it comes to your innermost beliefs.

But weddings are a family event and sometimes you can either compromise, which it would be hard to find a compromise in this instance, or you can redirect.

Redirection Idea: I debated doing this for my wedding...what if you do a traditional family blessing of your rings. What happens is that before the ceremony or during the ceremony the rings are passed around to your guests that are seated. The rings are in a little bowl or box. Someone tells your guests that when the rings come into their hands to say a little prayer of good will and blessings as this is something that will be with you and your FH forever. This may be a good way to not have God in your ceremony, but your family can say a personal prayer over the rings that you'll be wearing. There's something beautiful about the notion of everyone holding your ring and blessing it before you put it on your finger.

I wouldn't do this. If you don't believe in God or any god, then talking about Him in your wedding ceremony would be meaningless to you, the one getting married, as you don't believe in Him.

I wouldn't call myself an atheist, I think there is a god of some kind, but I'm not religious at all, it would make no sense for us to have anything religious in our ceremony.

It may be important to her, but it's not her wedding it's yours and your fiancees. If you don't want that included don't include it. It's not about her, and if you give in on this she'll always be trying to get you to do what she wants. I speak from experience on this with my former mother-in-law. She may be a wonderful person, an may just be hoping by including it you'll somehow become believers. I say stick to what the two of you want

I totally get this! My FH family is religious, he's not as much and I'm just out here lol My FMIL has mentioned to me that they would like to pray at our ceremony and reception and I said no thanks. It's really awkward and my family is not Christian so it would just be real awkward for everyone. So instead we are going to let FFIL read my fiances favorite bible verse and that's about it. I think if you and your fiance are in agreement then stick to your guns and say "thanks but no thanks". It's your day (and your fiances day) so do your ceremony the way you want! If that means no religion then so be it!