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Beginner November 2023

Family tension over money

Ellie, on September 24, 2023 at 7:52 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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I am having a small destination wedding in Greece. Neither my family nor FH family is able to help with money, and that is perfectly fine. This was a big reason we wanted to elope. But when my family heard about our elopement plans, world war 3 broke out over hurt feelings that we weren’t having guests. In the end we broke down and went from elopement to micro wedding with our immediate families.


Then I discovered I would have to pay for my family to get there. This includes flights to Greece and accommodation for 7 people. Plus a week of food and activities. FH also paid for his parents.
I’m just baffled that our families would invite themselves and then expect a free trip on top of it. I am beside myself because now I can’t afford most of the things I wanted for MYSELF, like hair extensions or a couple skin treatments I wanted so I could feel my best on MY OWN wedding day. But that all sounds so superficial when you say it out loud.
On top of that, my brother & my sister in law RSVP’d two months late because they initially thought they couldn’t come. Flights are now 10x the original amount and I’m still expected to pay for them because I did the same for everyone else. And to top it off my sister in law didn’t even thank me for her ticket.
I’m just miserable because this has turned from a wedding into an all expenses paid trip for 15 people. FH and I are lucky if we’ll be able to afford our own honeymoon the following week. All this over some drama about parents not being ok with elopement.
I want to have a positive outlook but I’m really struggling. I paid for all of this willingly so I know it’s my own fault, but I feel like I lost control of the situation and it’s too late to do anything about it.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Cece, on September 25, 2023 at 8:55 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Aside from losing all deposits and canceling the wedding for an actual elopement, what’s done is done. Practice saying no and walking away or hanging up the phone. Do not allow anyone, regardless of who they are to bully you, and set boundaries with consequences (going limited/no contact if they overstep) with your fiancé/spouse supporting you as a unit. If you need to, seek out a therapist immediately on how to stop being a people pleaser. A honeymoon can be holed up in your house or a local hotel for the weekend and refusing to answer when the outside world starts calling. Wedding planning, if not before, is great practice in doing that. After the wedding, those same relatives unfortunately will be dictating your other life decisions that do not concern them, because you didn’t stand your ground when you said no first time so they took that as your blessing to do whatever the heck they want, ignoring how you feel or if you can afford it. Some of the life decisions that they will manipulate: where you live and work, where and when you spend holidays and vacations, how any future children are raised and when they will spend time with grandparents, and the list goes on. A full stop needs to be implemented immediately with help from a therapist if you don’t want a repeat of them sabotaging your wedding planning. Keep information to yourselves moving forward unless it is on a need to know basis with anyone else.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Unfortunately, somewhere along the way you agreed to all this, it didn’t just happen to you. At rhe very minimum I would back out of covering hotel rooms and food for an entire week. That’s ridiculous. Your brother and SIL need to pay for their own tickets at this point. Just say no.


    It would have been one thing if you intended this as destination wedding that no one could otherwise afford but that’s not your situation. Are the tickets refundable or able to be rescheduled? If so, I’d still consider getting married in an intimate ceremony at home then leaving everyone at home and taking a Greek honeymoon.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I would take the next bit of time and work on your boundaries. I'm sorry this has happened, but it sounds like you're having difficulty saying "no" to people. Stop paying for them. Why are you buying food and activities for them? They would have to pay for food at home! I would suggest making a point with working on this, possibly with a therapist.

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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    You’re not responsible to foot the bill for all of their accommodations. Flights are expensive enough.
    I would ask them to contribute to rooms and meals, etc. This is your wedding and you need to take control back.
    In the future, don’t let them in on your plans. Just do it.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    There is a current trend online that was created by the celebrity influencers, Kardashians with their multiple lavish weddings, that only applies to people with unlimited incomes and PTO, not the average person on a budget. The trend in question is for the couple to cover every single expense that the invited guest in a “real person” situation would cover on their own, everything from airfare/taxis/lodging to food to clothing and in between. Some internet communities such as the wedding planning groups on Reddit have even gone so far as to say that if you as a couple are unwilling and unable to cover those expenses for even your wedding party at minimum, then you have no business whatsoever hosting a single guest at your wedding. Because covering every expense is “the bare minimum standard” of being a host. None of that is true in reality and only serves to make the couple feel like crap because they are already trying to afford things that don’t need to cost as much as they do and heaven forbid, they want to find a budget option or elope because those are equally “taboo” in the eyes of the wedding industry and online strangers. Unfortunately some loved ones get caught up in that entitlement and think it applies to them as guests. So that could explain why they feel entitled to you covering all expenses and bullying you to this point when you already said no.
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  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
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    Oh my. This is so heartbreaking. I would absolutely draw the line at the airline tickets. They need to pay for everything else. Their expenses are not for you to be paying. Tell them now. If they decide not to go, that is not your fault.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Ugh, I'm so sorry. This sounds like a nightmare. My heart truly goes out to you. I know it can be hard to say no to family, especially when there are hurt feelings involved. While you have every right to be disappointed, I would try to focus on the things that you ARE getting/doing, and not think about any of the things you aren't getting. In the end, you will be marrying your partner in gorgeous Greece, surrounded by your loved ones! 💕 You are going to have a fabulous time and those pictures are going to be epic!

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