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Just Said Yes April 2022

Family trouble, need some advice

mad-san, on April 6, 2021 at 9:23 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5
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Hi everyone, my fiance and I are really struggling with some things right now, maybe someone out there has been through something similar and has some insight. It's a long story but I'll try to be as brief as possible. We were supposed to get married april 2020, so you all know what happened there. Prior to our wedding being cancelled my fiance was dealing with some really bad drama with his family making him very anxious. Shortly after our wedding was postponed he got sick. Testing was delayed due to lockdown, he got extremely sick and no one could find out what was wrong with him. We postponed twice and currently have no date. Things are just now starting to look up and we are talking about planning our wedding again. The problem is, prior to the wedding I thought I had a very close family and support system, but this past year that we have been going through hell, these people have not been there at all. I'm talking wedding party members, readers, other people involved in our ceremony who we were very close to we have not heard a peep from. Now, I want to just have a small wedding with immediate family, but my fiance wants to have the whole big original thing. I don't want to regret later not having a wedding, but I also don't want to spend thousands on people who to me have shown they don't actually care about us. Does anyone have any advice on this? I don't want to make a decision I'll regret and also don't want to be a crank at my own wedding. It feels like a no win situation. I also am afraid if we have a wedding his family will start back up again with their drama from before, and we've had such an awful year I just want to have a fun beautiful day, whatever the plans end up being.

5 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on April 6, 2021 at 1:13 PM
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    My family was terrible and actively toxic to me during wedding planning. My advice is to do the thing I wish I did, which is to screw the uncaring people and have a small wedding with those who were there for you.


    However, I'm not doing that for a couple reasons. First, it would break my mother's heart. Second, even if they don't love me, I still love them. I want to invite them again and again to be a part of my life, even if they let me down every time.
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I understand what you’re going through, but while you were going through all of that, did you ever think that maybe the people in your wedding party and surrounding you were also going through personal issues? Were you reaching out to them and putting your life aside? I understand that you want support during this time and he deserves support. But unfortunately people get caught up in their own lives because the pressures of life demand that they do. I wouldn’t take it personally, but I would understand that at the end of the day the only person you can really count on is your FH.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I think my first advice would be to really evaluate those relationships from a non-emotional standpoint. You said your fiancé became very ill. Taking care of an ill loved one frequently leads to the caretaker feeling overwhelmed and alone. Add to that the fact it was in the middle of a pandemic, when people are feeling alone and disconnected anyway. I would ask yourself, was it really that these friends weren’t there for you, or was it that you were feeling isolated because of your fiancé‘s illness and the quarantine? You also have to factor in the fact that your friends were incredibly limited in the types of interactions they could have, or the help they could really give you during the quarantine when people were supposed to be social distancing from one another. Also keep in mind that the quarantine has led to many people feeling depressed and retreating within themselves. It has definitely strained many relationships, just because of all the limitations it puts on them. It could be that your friendships were just going through what a lot of peoples friendships are going through during this time. Unfortunately, it also happened to occur while you were dealing with the illness of a loved one. If these people have been good friends up until this point, and have not done anything that displays toxic behavior, I would probably give them the benefit of the doubt that a lot of the distance in your friendships were caused by the quarantine.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    While I completely understand your frustrated because you don't feel like people were there for you when they should have been, have you considered the possibility they had stuff going on in their own lives as well? Tons of people of been impacted by Covid so it is very possible you guys weren't the only ones. I lost my job because of Covid and I know other people who have lost their jobs or even loved ones. I would try not to think so negatively about the people in your life because you might not know what hardships they were going through as well.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If they didn't show support when it was needed, I would not be able to continue a relationship with them. Even if you can't visit in person, you can still call/text/email with no issues. Choosing no communication at all solidifies their true colors which you always get to vividly in a crisis. If they were having their own issues, they would have reached out..did they do that during their rough patches? It takes a couple seconds to type "hey things really suck right now. How are you handling it?"

    And they definitely don't need to be invited to the wedding because they weren't there when they were needed. Sometimes you have no choice but cut out the toxicity and you feel so much better afterwards. It's possible that he doesn't realize the depth of their behavior or lack of due to being sick at the time and that is understandable. I still would not feel comfortable inviting them.

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