Family Vacation Before Wedding

I don’t see going on a family vacation without your fiancé as putting your family before him. I didn’t go on my FH’s family vacation over thanksgiving for the same reason (PTO issues).

If you wanted to go to go spend time with your family is causing him to threaten to postpone the wedding, you to need to have a serious talk about expectations about balancing families and your new family.

That’s a little dramatic, I would go still but that’s just me. Especially depending on where you’re going, have tickets been purchased already?

There will always be times where one spouse can do something while the other can't. It sucks but this is basically saying if he can't go have fun, you can't either. I would sit him down and talk about how things like this will be handled overall- it's a big deal not because of this one trip but because if he sees it this way it WILL come up again.

Personally, I'd be very put off that this is coming across a choice between him vs. family because why can't you have both. It's healthy. My fiance couldn't travel to MA for my shower on the date that worked best for my family and I. I went without him after discussing it together. He supported me. This is just life- this happens to everyone!!! Sometimes we can't all do everything and he should be happy to see you spend time with your family.

I don't think you going on a family trip is a reason for arguing. I went to a family trip to Disneyland without my fiance because he couldn't make it because of PTO and he was very excited for us to go. I would definitely have a talk with him and see if there are other factors that make him feel like your putting your family before him and see if they're valid. If they're not then I would say that's another situation.

I think your fiancé has some soul searching. Is he planning in doing a bachelor weekend with the boys? If he is wouldn’t that be putting his friends before you.

Maybe need to talk this over with fiance for future situations and he doesnt feel this way.

I can see both sides of this. We live a three hour flight from my family and I go to visit without DH sometimes if he can’t get off work and he’s fine with it. But, if you go, would that mean using PTO that you otherwise could have used to have a holiday with him? Because if that’s the case, then you are putting your family before him. But if you’ve got enough PTO that you can go without jeopardising a holiday with him then he’s being selfish.

Your fiancé is being ridiculous and dramatic. You’re not putting your family ahead of him, you’re simply going on a vacation while he’ll be at home and going to work. He’ll just be doing his regular every day routine, no reason you have to stay back and hold his hand the whole time. You definitely should be able to go on a trip.

Have you done any premarital counseling?

I feel as though he's in the wrong. You can't spend all the time together.

You need to ask him how things would be if the roles were reversed and he was going somewhere with his family and you couldn't go. Personally, that would be a red flag and not something I'd want to deal with in a relationship.

I would be postponing the wedding... well probably cancelling for now actually

Ok: there is a circumstance that I can try and justify him: a you're taking off without pay and spending money with them and it's taking from your household

If you're getting paid and family is covering all expenses he's gone too far

What does your mom and dad think of this?

I see it as controlling... does he always threaten you?

I think you should reconsider marrying him. He seems controlling and manipulative. Is that really what you want? Imagine when you have a REAL problem or situation as a couple, how would he react?

Girl run.

This is not fair nor mature of him. You do not want to marry someone who is this controlling or manipulative. Trust me, I’m divorced and my ex-h was just like this and still tries frequently to make mine and my children’s lives miserable.

My FH and I take trips apart frequently. He’s going on a ski trip with his friends in February and I’m taking a cruise with my mom and children for spring break. We discuss all our travel plans before we do anything but neither of us would ever tell the other not to go or do something.

Go on vacation with your family and make good family memories, those are truly priceless and irreplaceable moments. Men are a dime a dozen and a great one would never ever make you feel this way. I’m so sorry and good luck with everything.

View Quoted Comment Yes we have and I'm honestly shocked by this reaction.

View Quoted Comment My parents are paying and I have all the vacation time I need. The issue he is having is that I haven't moved in with him because my parents are against living together before marriage so this trip was the tip of the iceberg for him

View Quoted Comment Thank you for that. I spoke to him about it and he says the reason he feels like I've put my family before him is because I haven't moved in with him. My parents are against moving in before marriage and I would like to move in with him but don't want to disappoint my parents.

That would raise red flags and honestly my family will always come first. My mom will always be number one over my husband and that would really bother me. You should have a serious discussion with him.

I would go to couples counseling, this seems like an issue that should be worked out. I find it very odd you can't do things like a vacation with your family without him, or he throws a fit like this.

Seems like too much, thats how my ex was and thats why hes my ex and my FH because your partner in life should not make you choose in between him and your family. And since reading other posts I've noticed that you guys don't live together anyway since your family is against living together before marriage, so are you supposed to stay home alone while your fam is out vacationing and your FH is busy? this is selfish and mean, you should never feel bad because you're choosing to spend time with your family. When you guys married you are all family so then what?

Postpone the wedding, wow! I just can't, if my FH ever told me we should postpone the wedding for something so minimal I'd feel like it was an excuse to get out of it.