Father not coming to your wedding?

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. That must be so hard.

Your father has made his choice. Don't change your plans to accommodate his tantrum. I would focus on your mom and stepdad and all those who ARE there for you. Family doesn't always mean blood...

Not that this makes it any easier but... it's really your dad's loss, and it sounds like he is being incredibly immature honestly. He can't put aside his dislike for someone for ONE DAY to be there for his daughter getting married? If he can't prioritize his wanting to be there for you OVER his dislike for your mom/stepdad, then his priorities are WAY off. Regardless of whether or not he understands your relationship with your stepdad, he should be respecting your wishes on your wedding day. Even if he doesn't like your stepdad, he should at least appreciate that YOU care about him, and respect that he is important to you. I haven't heard that kind of "it's me or him" mentality since I was in middle school honestly and some girl told me she wouldn't be friends with me if I talked to this other girl lol. This honestly seems like a middle school-level tantrum, and I am SO sorry that he is not being mature enough to handle this like an adult.

I hope you can enjoy your day anyway, being surrounded by people who are not going to force you to choose between them and another person who is important to you.

My dad isn't coming to my wedding either, but I haven't spoken to him in almost a decade anyway. And my FH's mom probably won't be coming either, since she's been chronically terrible to me and to FH since we've been together. A few months after the proposal (once she started realizing "wait... they actually ARE going through with getting married...") she suddenly started being fake-nice to both of us, and told FH that she promises she will "act happy" at our wedding, but that she will "definitely need to drink!" Ugh. So given the fact that apparently she has to get drunk to act happy for us, and that she's been mistreating us for so long, I don't know that we want her there. Our rule of thumb is we don't want anyone to be there who isn't actively happy for us... regardless of who they are!

So yeah, ugh. It sucks to not have supportive parents, but know that you've done nothing wrong. This is all on him.

I am so sorry for you. Immaturity aside, he is still your dad. I would make a final attempt to reach out. Just tell him that the day is about YOU, not your mom and he will have to live with his decision for the rest of his life. (There are no do-overs). I would also suggest letting him know that you love him and that you hope he will reconsider. He may regret his decision but feel trapped and that it is irrevocable. Lastly, should his position stand...try to focus on your husband, your nuptials and your marriage. You need to put yourself and your immediate family first! No one else will...

I went through this during wedding planning.

My dad and I had always had a rocky relationship, but I felt it had been getting better for a couple of years. Once I got engaged, I brought up that I wanted to include my stepdad in the ceremony (specifically walk with me for part of the way or both of them walking me, but I didn't specify) and my dad threw a fit, and hasn't talked to me since.

It really put a damper on my wedding planning for a while, but like a lot of PP's have mentioned, this is YOUR day. If he feels that it's necessary for him to miss out on the biggest day of your life, that's his choice.

I chose not to invite my dad to my wedding, as he wouldn't return any of my calls and I focused on those who truly wanted to be there and be a part of our day and I don't regret my decision even in the slightest. Walking you down the aisle is a privilege, not a right, and if your stepdad deserves part of that, than you have every right to ask him regardless of how your dad feels.

Respect that this is HIS CHOICE, not yours. Focus on the purpose of the day, which is marrying your FS! That's what this day is about, and although you have a right to your feelings, don't allow them to ruin your day because the day isn't about the family drama and traditions. It's about starting your life with someone you love. Take in all the feels from those who love and support you that day and worry about deciding on where the relationship with your dad will go once the day is over. I wish you luck! *Hugs*

ETA: Same with your dad's family. What goes on between you and your dad should stay between you and not alter their relationship with you, so they should still attend and support you. If they want to get involved and make their own opinions on what's going on with you and your dad, than the problem is with them not you. Again, enjoy the day and know that you are so loved and worthy of a beautiful day with your FS.

Wow. I just stumbled across this while trying to find someone with a similar situation. I sure hope that your day went smoothly and it was wonderful despite the above mentioned. How was it? How did you get through the day and the remainder of your days leading up to the big day? I’m getting married in 12 days and my dad just told me that he will not be there. No explanation. He just said he’s not coming. He was going to be bringing my grandparents; so now they’re not coming either. This is not how I expected it to go. I don’t have a stepdad. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do as far as walking down.

View Quoted Comment The day was fine without my dad. I would say walking down the aisle by yourself would be beautiful . Or you could have your mother or anyone who means a lot to you

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! I’m glad to hear that everything went well!! Congratulations

I didn't have a single blood family member at my wedding. My father is abusive and I cut him out of my life 4 years ago. My mom died a year before my wedding, and because she enabled my dad I had asked her not to come, she died a few months later. Then the rest of them I don't care for.

Family isn't also blood, take the people that want to be there and share in your love and joy. They mean more in the end.

I walked alone and it was the best feeling in the world. I was my own person, entering marriage of my own free will and walking to him alone reflected that.

View Quoted Comment I’m so glad your day worked out!! ❤️

My FH had this issue last year with his daughter. She asked him to walk her near the alter. Then her stepfather of over 10 years walked her to the alter and gave her away. At first his feeling were hurt, but we talked about it and I tried to explain it was HER day and trying hard to accommodate everyone's feelng. She wanted his support and not stress. Although he hesitated at first, he did as she asked and everything went great. Maybe you could remind his of this also, but if he choses not to bend....you know in your heart you tried. Good luck...

So heres my story my biological father hasnt been in my life for over 15 years.
I'm 25 years old. And my biological mother hasnt been in my life for about a year now.

When I found out my FH and I were going to have a baby I told my biological mom she was all for it. Now she is upset because I call my FMIL Mom and My FFIL dad.
They have taken care of me since me and my FH got together at age 16. So my FFIL and my grandpa will both be walking me down the aisle. My biological parents have not met there first granddaughter nor do they know I'm getting married and they will never know. Sad to say

View Quoted Comment Amen! Family doesnt have to be blood at all. The only blood family I will have are my grandparents. But that doesnt matter to me because all 200 people that will be there are FAMILY. My FH our daughter and I are extremely Blessed!

My scenario is fairly close. My daughter's father and I divorced when she was 7. Things were bad as divorces can be but when the step mother came into the picture things became evil. I'm talking attempted parent alienation, false accusations about their step father, lying to the kids about why we divorced. Coincidentally, we divorced because he did not take part in the family, especially his children. He and his wife told the kids that I was having an affair. Even if this were true, why would you tell 5 and 10 year old kids? I would literally get sick everyone visitation exchange would take place. I never knew what awaited me. I would drive 45 min to an hour and no one would be home or he would come out to my car, cuss me out and tell me the kids wanted nothing to do with me. I could write a book. It was the worst 12 years of my life. My youngest daughter has mental illness and the oldest is kind of a cold fish. Father is estranged from them. Puts the youngest down every chance he gets rather than try to be supportive. He was estranged from the oldest basically until the last couple months. Seems they have all become drinking buddies. Oldest daughter was going to get married 5 years ago. We were making plans, looking at venues, etc. Then, they decided not to get married yet. They've lived together now for at least 10 years. She talked about it on and off over the next couple years so often thst I stopped taking it seriously. She tells me on vacation at the end if July that they are getting married in August. At their house. She texts me a week later and asks if I will pay for half of the cost of a tent, tables, and chairs. I told her I would. The next day, she texts me and tells me tells me that her father and step mother "have taken the reigns in the wedding planning" and made their desired 'redneck wedding' into something way more asked if I want to pay half. I told her that I would not pay any more than what I initially agreed to, especially since it seems plans are changing on the daily. I'm sad that I was not included in the planning. Moms are supposed to do this, aren't they. She invited my sisters and no one else in my family. I asked if she realized she didn't invite her grandfather (my dad). She didn't respond. The morning of the wedding, she texted me about some drama with my granddaughter, most likely cooked up with a night of drinking with her father the night before. I asked her if she invited her grandfather and she simply stated "no". My ex hates my dad. I was so angry and hurt that I did not attend the wedding. Do I feel like dirt? You bet. On the other hand, my ex, his wife and I cannot share the same space without there being a chance for fall out. Had I gone and had to watch her stepmother take charge of everything to spite me would have more than I could take.