Feel like eloping

I completely resonate with what you’re saying, this whole journey since getting engaged has been so stressful it’s hard to not focus on what hasn’t been done and the $$$ of it all! I finally had to have a true heart to heart with my FH and remind ourselves why we’re doing this. Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and look at the big picture of marriage to each other as a whole, a wedding is just a day and venting about it is healthy. For all of our whole lives, weddings have been created as this huge elaborate event ( as it is ), but it doesn’t stop the stress to try and make everything perfect. Everything will work out, write things down, plan out expenses, breathe and always stay positive! Negative energy isn’t how marriages should begin ( I have to try and remind myself that everyday )! I wish you good luck in your marriage!!

We are doing a simple ceremony at a park 4 min away from home much more affordable with about 5p friends and family. No bridal party remember the reason you want a wedding for love with the people who you want to be next to.

View Quoted Comment Really great advice. Girl.... great advice. Thank you

View Quoted Comment Girl I have tried to make it simpler but he has so many incredible people in his family and we have incredible people in our lives... sooooo.... it almost feels like we are hosting a party for them

That's were I was at before I finally called it and we decided to buy an elopement package and do I guess what people are calling a Micro Destination Wedding. We had just both sets of parents with us and our dog. It was great!

We saved so much money, too! The money we saved we were able to go on an amazing honeymoon and put the rest into our house down payment savings account.

Not saying this is what you should do, you do you, but just saying it worked for us.

If this last month of planning has taught me anything, it's that I should have eloped! I am done with planning and can't wait for it to be over!

How much time do you have to plan? I started planning 450 days out to make sure I have time to take a break. Plus get people other than your FH to help. FHs don’t seem to care about things. My FH has only been saying I don’t care, or if that’s what you want...which is annoying because I want him to have input too. Some weeks I don’t think about planning which takes a lot of the stress away. If you have time to not think about, don’t. You can also delegate tasks to your wedding party and other family members who want to help.

View Quoted Comment It sounds magical... and the overall savings.... we could do so much with.... ahhhh

View Quoted Comment Girl I am right there with you. That dollar figure keeps climbing!

View Quoted Comment Postponing it might help things for sure. At this point we have done so much of the work and have all the money to pay for it. It's just spending thr money is the hard part.

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Yea, but you have to do what works for you. We didn't really even want the whole big wedding thing to begin with so when we started planning we tried small and it just kept getting bigger until one day I just said the heck with it and got estimate prices on what we ended up doing. Husband agreed and it just kind of worked out for us.

I feel this way sometimes. But that's why we decided on a small ceremony and a larger (less important to us) "Party" which will serve as our reception. Less stress, same amount of money really but still, less stress if you ask me.

View Quoted Comment That's a cool approach.

View Quoted Comment I just sat down and thought of ways to simplify it... like half elope lol.... presented to FH and he said nope. That we are doing this thing. No turning back lol

I've had so many thoughts of just doing a destination elopement xD but now my FH is totally on board with having a real wedding so there's no going back lol. It's funny, cause he used to be the one going "why don't we just go to Vegas?"

When we told his parents we were engaged, his mom's first reaction was "really? Why?" followed by "It's going to be a real wedding, right? Not like your brother's?" His brother had a shotgun wedding right after he graduated from basic training. So it looks like I'm stuck planning a real, expensive wedding lol.

View Quoted Comment Yes girl

I feel that most of time the stress comes from making it for everyone else rather than ourselves

The biggest reason we're having an event at all is because I didn't get to make a single decision the first time I got married. It's not that I disagreed with anything (except our ugly ass cake topper and the colors) but that I just had to go along with what everyone else chose. My FW was adamant that our day be something I get to plan and enjoy. When we had trouble finding a venue that fit what we wanted as well as our budget I told her I really wanted to just elope and end it at that. She was very patient with me and helped me through the stress, I don't know what I would do without her!!! In the end, as long as the day is about the two of you and you are solid, you will have memories to cherish. That and the fact that we get to party with people we might not get to see all the time is the biggest reason to have a wedding in the first place. Just breathe and don't get too caught up in the details. Maybe take a day and go spoil yourself. And if the budget is getting to you, cut what means little or nothing to you. You'd be surprised how little other people care too.

We literally sat our parents down and explained we wanted a small wedding and the cost benefits and how much we would save or be able to put towards something else and we got "no"s haha. I totally understand. We are doing things day by day and making small checklists so we don't keep having to revisit the stress. For example, last night we were overwhelmed looking at registry stuff so we went for a walk along the lake and talked about the top 10-15 things we wanted to upgrade. Then we came home had dinner and added them, it is a small baby task in the grand scheme of things (probably 5-6 more days of registry baby tasks) but we tried to make it less stressful for us and it got accomplished. It is important to try not to let the wedding be the relationship over the year of planning.

I get super stressed and have anxiety but when it is related to the wedding, I just keep thinking about my FH seeing me for the first time, my grandma crying happy tears seeing me walk, and how happy/sad my dad will be dancing with me, and all the precious moments that I know wouldn't be (as) possible without our big wedding. So as stressful as it is, I know there are so many rewarding moments to come and I just think of those joys to help get me through the occasional meltdown haha.

View Quoted Comment Yes great point to spend that quality time and focus on key moments to come as a mantra.

It's been a few weeks since I posted this and things have absolutely improved.

Couples therapy. Invitations finally done. Car is now fixed... family started to help with planning.... new wedding coordinator hired. It's indeed coming together.

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That is so great to hear!! Good luck on the rest of the planning, its right around the corner