Feel like my sister is trying to compete

I'm sorry this is happening to you. My sister is the same way, but she is the middle child and I'm the oldest. In 2017, my brother had told us all he was planning to propose to his girlfriend Christmas Eve. My sister insisted that she had to get engaged too. So like a month before my brother was supposed to get engaged she told her boyfriend they needed to get engaged. He just wanted to make my sister Happ so he agreed and they got engaged Christmas day while my brother actually had planned everything out well in advance. My sister and the boyfriend broke up about 9 months later. One of the reasons was because she felt pressured into getting engaged by my sister. Fast forward, I got engaged in August 2018 and married in July of this year. We want to start a family and now all of a sudden my sister has decided she wants to have a baby as well. She has always been this way. If one of us is doing something she wants to be doing it as well.

I kind of feel you on that one. My sister (3 years older than me) isn’t quite as bad about the one-upsmanship, but I’ve been getting a little peeved with her lately about wedding stuff. I’ve been with my FW for over 5 years now. I love my sister’s boyfriend, but they’ve only been dating for a year and a half and haven’t even lived together yet, and she’s started talking a lot about getting married—suspiciously, really soon after I started talking a lot about getting married myself.

I’ve always just been more traditional and domestic than her, which is why I’m hitting this milestone first, and I’m fine with that—but I think she isn’t. I can’t offer much help, but I’m sorry you’re going through that and you aren’t alone in it!

View Quoted Comment Like I would understand if they have been together for a while, but it's been 2 years. They don't even live together yet. Plus, she is one of my bridesmaids. Idk how she is going to be planning a wedding without being engaged. She told me she has already mapped out the costs and everything. I just think trying to get married before your little sister is silly. My family would probably be mad at her too and just be like, really? I have no idea how serious she is but I'm still mad

She does sound like she is being immature, but the best thing for you to do is not entertain it. I wouldn't discuss wedding plans with her or say things like "when you get married" to her anymore.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. My sister is 6 years younger than me and everything feels like a competition with her. She constantly needs to be the center of attention and it drives me crazy. Before my wedding I sat her down and told her that I didn’t want her doing anything to try to get attention on MY day and if she did I would ask her to leave. She was good but I was worried she would somehow do what she always does. I would say maybe you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.

View Quoted Comment I understand her feelings, but again like you cant just start planning a wedding when your boyfriend hasn't even proposed. They just bought a house, which is an amazing accomplishment. FH and I are still in a tiny apartment. It just seems like she's trying to get all her life accomplishments done fast to beat me to them

View Quoted Comment Its hard to avoid because she's a bridesmaid. She texted me offering to make a ceremony sign and help with centerpieces and it just turned into her saying she wanted some signs I have, for her wedding. And I said of course your welcome to use any of my decor when I'm done with it. And she said she would probably be married before my wedding.

DH sister is like this. She was mad that her little brother found love before her so she met someone online, for pregnant, then courthouse married, and bought a house... we don’t care because she thinks she “beat” us but she isn’t happy and tries to copy a lot of what we do. We honestly rarely talk to her and when we do it’s always like she is nice to your face and you know she is bashing you behind your back. Don’t let it bother you, I would stop sharing wedding plans with her. Don’t talk about it when she is around. My dad’s biggest advice to me is always “Don’t let the haters get you down”.

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It sounds like you should just say "thank you so much for offering! I'll let you know if and when I need help." then don't ask for her help. It's pretty standard for bride & groom to do all the planning and work so I'd just keep it between you and your fiance.

View Quoted Comment There is no talking to her lol. She's not the type to make a scene or anything, but she's a bridesmaid and I just wish she would be happy for me and try to focus on my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Her boyfriend is awful to her and the family doesnt like him. We like to say he is a loser with money. Even though she's like this I feel like she's trying to rush into marrying someone she knows isn't right for her just to get married before me. She already "beat me to the house" and will probably have kids before me too. Not sure why people want to rush their wedding

Sisters can be the best and worst all at the same time!! It's super annoying you're going through all that and totally not fair to you during this super exciting time in your life. She's your sister and regardless of age, she should be happy for you and share in your excitement. Maybe say something to her about how you feel like she's trying to compete and that's taking away from your joy?! I'm sure she doesn't realize what she's doing.

View Quoted Comment No she realizes haha. Before we picked our date, we said we were thinking about October 2020 and she said "you can't pick that date, I'm getting married that september!!" And I picked up her hand and stared at her empty finger. She did this at a family Christmas party right after everyone came up to my fiance and I and were congratulating us on our engagement. She definitely gets jealous, which I understand but she handles it in a way that makes everyone take their attention off me

View Quoted Comment Two years is a while. I got engaged after 2.5. years, but I knew I wanted to marry my husband way before that. I was just waiting on him to propose, but we also moved in together after like 6 months together so we had lived together almost 2 years before we got engaged. Living together is a big step so now that they have a house she should really focus on adjusting to living with her boyfriend as living with someone is completely different than just dating someone. It seems like she thinks life is a competition, but it isn't. I will say as the oldest it was hard being the last one to get engaged, but my husband did it the right way unlike my sister's ex who was forced by my sister to propose. I also was very happy for her and my brother even though I wanted to get married too. We got engaged about 8 months after which was great. Your sister needs to slow down and enjoy her life rather than race to try to beat you. If her boyfriend hasn't proposed or even talked to her about getting married then she shouldn't be planning a wedding. As for her being a bridesmaid, she can be a bridesmaid without you telling her everything about the wedding. All she really needs to know is what to wear and where she needs to be and when. Everything else about the wedding she doesn't need to know until the day of. I wouldn't even talk to her about the wedding and if she asks questions give her very vague answers. Definitely don't say anything more about when she gets married.

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That's super annoying and just plain rude!!! It seems like it's putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on her boyfriend too. It's one thing to know you want to marry a person and have a general theme or season in mind for a wedding. It's another thing to say you're getting married before you're engaged and have a specific month in mind. Her poor boyfriend may be intimidated by that and not even want to marry her for it! Just put her in her place and tell her to stop trying to steal the spotlight. haha!

View Quoted Comment Thank you veronica. I'll try my very best to take your advice

View Quoted Comment You're welcome! I hope everything works out well for you 😊

View Quoted Comment I'm thinking she figures that he's 9 years older than her that he's at that point of his life? (Shes 24 hes 33) but I literally have never heard him mention a wedding and she's talking about marriage and kids and has this big $4k ring picked out. Its nuts!!

My sister is 6yrs older and struggles with me "beating her to milestones" as well at times. But I think it's genuine insecurity on her part. Perhaps your sister is feeling insecure and this is how it's manifesting. My sister cried the night we got engaged (and many times in the days following) on a family trip. I just had to remind myself that she really is happy for me, she's just struggling with her own insecurites as well. She is one of my MOH and is really trying to step up to the game and be supportive. I know it's difficult but maybe try not to see it so personally and see it as a reflection of her not a reflection onto you.

If it makes you feel any better, my older sister STOLE my ring! I'd been obsessed with a designer for the past 4.5 or so years. Everyone knew about it, I pinned her rings to my pinterest, and it had been brought up in girl talk MANY times (my FH and I have been together for over 6 years now and knew we would get engaged after I got my degree). Well my sister met this guy on a dating app and after 6 months of knowing each other decided they were going to move for his job... off of this continent... together. My parents about had a heart attack. Anyway, they decided they needed to get married and my sister kept talking about how they had gone and looked at rings and then decided to do something custom. Didn't think twice about it. Well the day came where she texted our family in a group message to tell us she was engaged. Naturally, I asked to see the bling and she sent me a picture of MY RING in silver (I wanted gold). Let me tell ya, I have never in my life been so mad. I was a junior in college at the time and I just sat at the kitchen table and ranted and cried to my roommates for hours. Not even over the ring... over the fact that my SISTER would steal the ring I wanted of all people. SO I understand. Here's how I think of this though: Life is SO short. I've had a ton of big milestones lately: aggie ring, college graduation, engagement, bought my first car, started my first big girl job, etc. When you think about it, after your early 20's, the stuff to look forward to diminishes drastically! I can look forward to our wedding, buying our first home, and having our first kid but it feels like a lot of the major life events that you wait and wait and wait for have come in gone. So I say let her be in a rush! Let her carelessly wish her life away and try to beat you to the punch! In the end she'll have a ton of half a** thrown together memories, while you will have cherished each and every milestone an accomplished them on YOUR watch. Life isn't a race You'll have a beautiful wedding and be a gorgeous bride! Your sister is only making a fool out of herself.