Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Mary
Just Said Yes September 2015

Feeling alone... No help from family or friends

Mary, on June 25, 2014 at 9:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

So my fiancée and I got engaged this year. We have scheduled our wedding for next September which is still a long ways away. Our only hiccup between us is trying to get our family and friends on board. My fiancée's mother will not even speak to me anymore when previously we had a good relationship. So no help with wedding planning there. One of my "friends" who had agreed to be a bridesmaid, has not reached out to me at all to help, my sister who I wanted to be my maid of honor absolutely refuses to do it, another potential bridesmaid is also being wishy washy as well. My mom has shown no interest in the wedding planning at all either. On my fiancée's side, his friends only show up for him when they need something. So I'm at a loss. I'm feeling really alone now in the process. No one will help me plan, I don't have that core group of girlfriends to go to for advice. I'm hoping that time will help but at this moment I just want to cry.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine, on July 27, 2024 at 6:58 PM
  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Don't fret, most people get excited when the wedding is within a 12 month period. they might think that your wedding is far off & you will have enough time. Both my mother and my hubby mother are deceased. My only sister lives 8hrs away, I did most of my wedding planning alone. I got my encouragement here at WW & from my SIL. My hubby was the one that was by my side from the beginning to the end. My FDIL (my son is engaged) also helped me. Right now, go to a few Bridal shows and start looking at venues with your FH. I'm sure after the holiday seasons & New Years; your family & friends will be there for you. good luck

    • Reply
  • Stacy
    VIP August 2014
    Stacy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    About a month ago, I posted a very similar thread. The wonderful ladies here welcomed me and have helped me make decisions, listened to me rant, seen pics of just about everything I'm doing, and generally been the most supportive people I have in my life, except for FH.

    I have done everything on my own. It can be difficult, feeling alone sometimes, but it's much easier to do it yourself, that way you have control, and aren't just waiting around for your MoH or BMs to do it.

    You can do it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I had this problem at first. As soon as we got engaged last November I started planning. I just couldn't get any one as excited about it as I was. My cousins wedding was coming up and everyone had invested their time and energy into her. Then her wedding (which happened to be the one year left marker for my wedding) was over, everyone started getting excited for me, and helping me plan, and getting involved. Its just hard for people to get into someone else's wedding when its still so far off. They will get on board eventually. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Theresa Beale
    Master November 2014
    Theresa Beale ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Honestly (you will hear this here often), no one (usually including your FH) will be as excited about your wedding as you are. I am less than 6 months out and still no one is really "hands on" with the planning (including FH). Yes all the big details have been handled (mainly by me) but aside from offers of help (from one or two people) I have only had aid/input on my wedding dress (my mom, FMIL, sister and nephew) and a cake tasting (attended by mom, sister and nephew) I have done all the research and made all the decisions. We here at WW are happy to offer suggestions and advice if you have specific questions. (When you are at a computer, please update your avatar - it doesn't need to be a picture of you just something besides the "generic" ring avatar. We tend to remember people by their avatars).

    • Reply
  • Mary
    Just Said Yes September 2015
    Mary ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    @Erin- you are probably right. I'm just feeling really abandoned right now by some people I really care about. This goes deeper than the whole wedding process, some issues that were going on even before my fiancée and I got engaged. I do realize that it is really early. I actually haven't done much planning myself right now just some general looking at stuff because I was excited about everything.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. A & J
    Master December 2014
    Mrs. A & J ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Try not to let it get to you!! My mom and most of my bridal party don't live in town, so I've had to do most everything myself. I thought my mom would be SO excited, and at first, she didn't really want to ask about it, talk about it, etc. Now that we're 6 months out, with some things planned and details needing planning, she's more excited.

    My bridal party haven't really done anything but dress shop, but that's all I've asked of them. Again, now that its closer, we are talking more about it, but the first almost year of my engagement? Nah.

    I promise they will get more excited as it gets closer!! But keep in mind..... If they are a potential bridal party and already giving you grief and stress, don't ask them. They should at least be happy for you.

    • Reply
  • OldFashionedBride
    Super November 2014
    OldFashionedBride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I understand. My mom has mild dementia, so she can't really be helpful for me. She's happy for us, and excited about the wedding, but not much input. My sisters are not very excited, it seems. We had a powwow about how my groom and I are not having a bridal party, and they were ok with not being bridesmaids, they said. I told them I still want to have them have a special part of the day and I will recognize them in some way. But maybe because Mom has taken a lot of their energy and their kids keep them busy....I don't know. They just don't seem excited. My friends...meh. I think for me a big part of it is that I'm older (51) and people are just not in a place to be excited about a wedding....but it's my first (and only) wedding...I've waited so very very long to meet the right man and have a wedding and marriage! But feel like I'm sort of alone in the midst of it. This board helps for sure.

    • Reply
  • Koch Bride
    Master September 2014
    Koch Bride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Its hard but like others have said, its probably because they still see it as far away enough that it isn't a huge priority.

    I didn't expect a lot of help with planning from my bridesmaids. My mom has been very involved from the get go but our engagement is a little less than a year but mostly this wedding has been planned by my FH and I.

    • Reply
  • Becky
    Super September 2014
    Becky ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm exactly the same way. I don't know if someone has already said this, but for anyone you haven't officially asked to be in the wedding party, you may want to wait a few more months...you still have lots of time and things may change. My wedding is in 2 months and my mom just mentioned that she has now started looking for a dress. I don't have a bridal party, and some of my girlfriends will occasionally ask how the planning is going, but mostly everyone has so much going on in their own lives, that my wedding is barely on their radar.

    But that's what WW is for! We'll be here for ya. The good news is then you get to make things how YOU want instead of dealing with too much input from others Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Marsha
    Devoted August 2014
    Marsha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I felt the Same way at first but as the wedding gets closer everyone is becoming extremely helpful. Wedding Wire had been an amazing help add well. Know that you are not alone that's what this site is all about.

    • Reply
  • MelissaC
    Master January 2015
    MelissaC ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Don't let it get you down! My FH and I are the only ones doing our planning. We just let people know what they need to buy and when, but other than that, we're doing everything ourselves. And most of that is me. I do the planning and then before buying something, I ask my FH if he likes it, too. If he does, I buy, if he doesn't, back to the drawing board. The only thing I've done without him was go dress shopping and I hated every second of it because all my family did was fight with each other the whole time. I prefer planning with just me and FH. Too many opinions make it way too hard.

    • Reply
  • T
    Just Said Yes September 2015
    Tammie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I feel the same way I get told you have plenty of time .you can do it .if I can help you on here I will .

    • Reply
  • Carlene
    Expert March 2018
    Carlene ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate and it SUCKS. Our wedding is 8 months away and my mom has not been involved in any part of the planning. She doesn't even care to talk about it with me or share in my excitement in any way. But that's why we have these ladies on WW =) We care!

    • Reply
  • Heather A
    Master September 2014
    Heather A ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Your wedding is so far away right now that no one is going to be as excited for you. It's over a year away.

    My whole engagement was only 11 months. No one got excited until maybe April for my September wedding.

    Don't be upset. No one will ever be as excited as you. In November I was upset over bridesmaid drama and my parents told me they didn't even understand why because I had so much time left it shouldn't effect me yet.

    As for needing help. Don't expect help from bridesmaids, especially this far out. What could they even possibly help you with? You have FH he is plenty capable with helping you with everything.

    • Reply
  • DC Julie
    Super October 2014
    DC Julie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Try not to worry. As the other ladies have mentioned, your wedding is still pretty far away, so others are unlikely to get excited yet.

    Hopefully, by the fall, people will start asking you how planning is going and if you need help making decisions. If not, please turn to the WW community. These ladies (and a few gents) are a wonderful resource!

    Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2014
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I will be a realist and tell you to continue to prepare yourself to be let down (in your mind). Like some other girls said (and like I was told), NO ONE, including your FH, cares about your wedding like you do. Learn that that's ok and common. I *thought* I was fully prepared to accept that, but I wasn't prepared with how emotionally hard it would be on me. I'm a very sensitive, emotional person to begin with, and it just continues to get worse. Sometimes, I even think my parents and FH don't care at all because they don't have an opinion like I do on every single tiny detail. Some people aren't detail oriented, and, as my dad said, some people just don't have opinions about everything under the sun.

    Being a bride to be is tough stuff. Just recognize that everyone loves you and those who TRULY love you will be there for you when crunch time rolls around. Enjoy planning and working on things now because when people feel like it's time to start helping, they will be absolutely impressed with how much you have done.

    It also may help to make a to do list and give everything a deadline. My to do list was roughly 6 pages (typed) long. I have three pages left to finish. When I show people all the tiny details to finish, they are dumbfounded. Many people (minus those who've gotten married recently) just don't understand how much there is to do, decide and accomplish.

    • Reply
  • A
    VIP August 2014
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It probably is also because it's so far away. Once it gets closer you'll start hearing from people more about it im sure

    • Reply
  • rusticbride
    Master May 2014
    rusticbride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    We see posts like this over and over again. It's always the same reasoning. People won't care about your wedding until it's knocking on the door. I feel like it's a rare occurrence to have more than just the bride making plans for the wedding. There are plenty of brides on here who are planning/have planned their weddings completely alone (I'm one of them and our wedding was fantastic!).

    To be honest, it ends up being a good thing because you can focus on what YOU and FH want and not on what everyone else wants/thinks is a good idea. Having multiple people helping you plan is more of a nightmare than you might think.

    Keep your head up. You will get through it. Plug away at your check list and we are here if you need anything!

    • Reply
  • OldFashionedBride
    Super November 2014
    OldFashionedBride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Was just about to post what rusticbride said in the middle paragraph. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Just Said Yes September 2025
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    It’s 2024 and I just googled this question and love all the replies. It’s to the tee of how I’m feeling. Our wedding is September 2025 and only my aunt and FH seems to have interest. After reading this post I’m more at ease.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics