I'm not quiet sure how to type this without it seeming like the list goes on forever so bare with me whilst I try to shorten it but I'm going through so many hard feelings that I don't know who to turn to.
* A few weeks ago, I tried on my whole wedding outfit in front of the girls in my family whilst at my parents... I didn't ask my mum to see it because I know she wasn't bothered about my wedding. Never has been. So my Auntie forced me to get my mum to come up to see me and at first my mum didn't want to take part , we had a bit of a laugh but I could tell she'd rather be somewhere else.
* I sadly broke friendship with my Maid Of Honour as she was so rude to me when all i asked is if her partner wanted to be an usher / part of our wedding... Also had bad feelings about her being M.O.H as she'd never reply to messages until 4+ weeks later (I understand shes busy but she'd post on her FB wall and I know when she was active as it shows in the friends online bar) , Booked a hotel right by a theme park that I so desperatly wanted to go to but she didn't actually check to see if the park was open (Was closed for the entire weekend) & didn't want to go on another weekend , apparently couldn't find anything cheap & affordable to do for my hen. but i found loads of stuff within a few moments. We'd never really talk - in 6 months we spoke like 3 times. I'd always invite her to stuff but she'd never once invite me. It felt like a very one sided , can't be arsed relationship
* None of my family speak to me online and haven't been able to go to family events due to timings with work & also the last event was a day or 2 after we got back from holiday so was too tired to go. They never ask about the wedding or even interact with my social sites... Not really included in any convo
* Don't have any friends that are going - the ones that are , are actually fake friends and its bad but I'm not uninviting them due to more drama & also because we need more people to get our bar income up (if everyone spends over a certain amount, we get the bar free)
* booked a hotel room for me to get ready in and to have getting ready photos as my parents don't want them to be taken in their house . It's just going to be either me on my own in the hotel room or with my sister. Everyone else is meeting me at the registry office ...
* Is it sad that I want to buy myself those "Bride to be" or "miss to mrs" myself to decorate the hotel room?
* since i don't really have a m.o.h any more, i'm now organising my hen do for myself which is another thing to sort out on my own with like 3 other people from work and my sister
* Not had any help from anyone until the last 3 months when most of the things have already been brought and family got funny about it - I couldn't wait for them to turn around and help 3 months before, right?!
sorry for this rant, just feel lost, lonely and needing friends (that I don't have) 
