Feeling Discouraged, Already Postponed

I'm sorry to hear about all this! COVID certainly has caused such a mess in wedding planning. I recommend that you reach out to your vendors and try to get a backup plan going just in case, but also don't focus too much on what the restrictions are at this moment. Set a date that you and your fiance need to make a decision by (maybe in late January/early February), and come up with a backup plan just in case, but otherwise continue to plan for your wedding to occur in April. As the decision date approaches, check out what the restrictions are at that time, and make a decision by your decision date whether to postpone, minimize the guest list, or continue as planned. Otherwise, by constantly monitoring restrictions this far ahead of time, it will likely send you on an emotional roller coaster that you shouldn't have to be on. Things can and will change between now and your wedding, though no one really knows how it will change. The restrictions in place around February will be closer to what the restrictions will be on your wedding day, so you can make a more informed decision, and you can also figure out what additional precautions you need to take based on those. Up until then, I would keep moving forward with plans (though don't put the date on anything just in case), and also be sure to take some time away from wedding planning either through a date night, a weekend getaway with your fiance, spa day with friends, etc.

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That's pretty much what we're going to do, it's such deja vu from six months ago. That's a good point about being on an emotional roller coaster! I feel like we have planned most of what we can plan at this point. I have to look at rebooking flights but I'm holding off because I can only rebook once and we already canceled the first round.

I am sorry. That is rough. I mean for the time of how things are I would maybe just do people that could come and live stream the others. I think postponing again could cause vendor issues and will make you feel bad. However, you know how you feel better than anyone. How important is it to have the extended family there?

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Well, that is where it gets kind of difficult. Even before covid, I knew it was going to be a big undertaking for them to come because the wedding is pretty much across the country for them. So it is important to me for them to be there, but I wanted to have reasonable expectations and not be hurt if someone couldn't come.

However, I do know that several of them did intend to come. I have six cousins (all on one parent's side), most of whom are 15-20 years older than me. We have been to all their weddings, grad parties, kids' birthday parties, baptisms, confirmations etc. over the years. Meanwhile I am their only cousin on this side of the family (only child) so I think they were more willing to make the effort because of that. I have one uncle + his wife, and his ex-wife.

Meanwhile my FI has six aunts and uncles + their spouses, something like 15-20 cousins, his parents' friends (who live in the South)...etc. I assume not all will come but they don't live in places that have travel restrictions. Ngl, it would kind of suck if everyone there was "his" guests.

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I am sorry to say that it sounds important to have a lot of your family there. You have the right to be disappointed but I think you should postpone but of course wait closer to because we do not know where we will be next year. There are two types of brides I have noticed during this time either those that will get married on their one way or another or those that want the big day. Based on what you are saying you want the big day and that is perfectly fine. Have you considered the small ceremony and bigger party later option?

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It crossed our minds but we haven't seriously considered it because it would present some logistical concerns. We are having a Catholic wedding so there isn't a second ceremony we could do at a later time, and I think if we just had a reception my family would be less likely to come (they might offer to throw me a party back home, which is nice but...not the same).

I think I would find it hard to get hyped to have things on separate days. Idk, it's just so hard. I've been willing to wait and be patient but it's frustrating.

Our venue is outdoors so I'm trying to figure out if the mask mandate would apply to an outdoor gathering. Other than that, it's just the travel restrictions in the way.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, I know how frustrating it can be to just wait and see what happens. It's far off so there's no way to know what will be true in April and if you can try to avoid thinking about, that's probably best. But since that's very hard to do:


Having people wear masks doesn't have to be miserable. Provide masks in your wedding colors (reusable ones are nice, disposable ones are cheap) so everyone coordinates with your decor. It will be easier to ignore them that way.
For testing. I don't know where in the northeast you are, but at least in the greater Boston area, it's really easy to a test right now. So as long as people feel comfortable traveling, the quarantine might not be a huge factor. Health insurance companies have to pay for covid tests and they're available for free to people who don't have insurance. If everyone gets tested as soon as they get back, they might only have to quarantine for 2-3 days. If you feel bad about asking for even that much, you could buy everyone who has to travel/quarantine a gift card to GrubHub/UberEats or send them home with a bunch of snacks to make those few days a little bit easier.