Feeling let down vs loved

I understand how disappointing it must be if it's true that all of your friends pushed for this only to back down later. But a destination wedding involves a lot of extra time, money, time off, and child care issues, apparently more than any of your friends anticipated. The truth is, it's simply not possible or realistic to predict conflicts or other expenses that may arise so far ahead, so when they encouraged you, I would have taken that with a big grain of salt from the start and mostly as supporting your decision.

Keep in mind also that they didn't plan the wedding, you did. They may have had something less expensive or time consuming in mind than what you went with. Barbados is not cheap.

I do think it's unfair to be counting their money or the number of vacations they take with their own families or how often they go out to eat. That's just it, this is not their own vacation. That's something that is taken at a time and place, and budget of their choosing, usually in consultation with a boss or work schedule. People are usually limited in the total amount of vacation time off they can take. Flights and accommodations are likely a lot more expensive than they would be for a domestic wedding, too and certainly more than eating out.

It's not your place to weigh in on how they should prioritize spending what would probably amount to thousands of dollars or what other expenses or things might be going on in their lives.

I disagree with PP that anyone who loves you wouldn't miss it for the world. Destination weddings can put unreasonable pressure on people. It's not wrong to sit them out no matter how close the friendship.

Yes for sure focus on the people that will be there for you. Destinations weddings can be fraught with disappointment, and we see it quite often here. You aren't alone. Try not to infer too much into their non-attendance. I would also stay away from mentally calculating what people are spending. Remember it was an invitation, not a summons.

You will have a beautiful wedding in Barbados!

The whole reason invitations don’t go out until 6-8 weeks ahead and RSVPs are not typically due until a month before is that many unavoidable conflicts only come up much closer to a date. It’s not necessarily true that a heads up well in advance makes a trip feasible.

I'm sorry you're experiencing the disappointment of when supposed friends aren't as good of friends as you thought they were. Your wedding will be beautiful without them, if different than you'd originally imagined, but better because only those who really treasure you will be there. And, time for new friends. Good luck!

I'm sorry you're feeling disappointed, Becky. Try not to wonder what their reasons are because: 1) it's not American etiquette to provide a decline reason that would embarrass both you and host, and 2) they needn't live in your head anymore. You will have a beautiful wedding in Barbados with people you love. And when you get back, you will make new friends.

To add, petty me would suggest putting very little on social media except for one (1) gloriously happy pic of you and your spouse in paradise. You know they're wondering and want to leech! Your personal moments are not for trolls, creepers, and fakes. Best wishes.

I am so sorry! I will say I chose a destination wedding knowing that it meant most people from my side would not be able to attend (even though they expressed that they would try). My husband grew up in Mexico, and since this was not my first wedding (and it WAS his first), for me it was more important for his side to be able to attend. Out of my huge (Mormon) family & extended relatives, only my parents made it. And then some mutual friends from work were there as well (that's where we met), and that was it. I will say because we are both introverts, it actually ended up being wonderful only having a very small group of intimate friends and family there because we felt safe and comfortable being ourselves and just having fun. I can honestly say (and so did everyone else there) that it ended up being the most FUN and beautifully authentic wedding I have ever been to in my entire life, and I am so lucky it also happened to be my own . I hope you end up having the same experience in the end, and even though many people can't/won't make it there, that you end up just having the best time of your life with those who did

It isn't fair to make assumptions about people's finances based on what you see on social media (or even talking to them). If you don't see someone's bank account, you have no idea.

I live in a large, US metropolitan city and flights the Barbados in June are an average of $1,000 round trip (for one person, not including my husband). That means we're paying $3-5k total for a wedding weekend in a destination we otherwise wouldn't care to visit during a time of the year we definitely wouldn't choose to visit.

Vacations are hard to coordinate, save and plan for. Just because they don't want to spend the amount they could buy a vehicle for on your wedding weekend doesn't mean they don't care for you.