Feeling lost and unsure...

I had a bit of a different reaction. I asked him to help me plan because "this day is about both of us" and he wound up picking like 80% of the stuff out! (decorations, food, colors, etc. )

I totally get you wanting him to be more proactive, I would suggest coming up with options. Like, "Honey take a look at these bouquets? I like these roses but I also like these tulips (or whatever), what do you think?"

If this is more a general lack of equality in your relationship you need to have a more involved talk. Who will do which house chores? Will certains things be her jobs, others his jobs? Are there jobs you can share and do together for some quality time (perhaps gardening)? Have a talk with him and try to keep it focused and concrete! Tell hin your expectations straight up.

I gave FH specific directions and it seems to have worked. He got the DJ when I said, "we need a DJ by this date and within this budget, will you please do this?"

I am realizing that he just has no idea what all is involved and his lack of initiative has nothing to do with lack of interest. I think he just doesn't realize on any level how much goes into something like planning a wedding. He's a retail buyer and has been forever, why would he understand event planning, ya know?

Maybe your FH just genuinely doesn't realize HOW MUCH work your doing? I didn't realize how much work this would be, either! Have a conversation with him and be honest.

I told my FH early on that if he wasn't very much a part of planning, I would purchase us an elopement package in Vegas and we would have a kickass wedding for the two of us followed by dinner at my favorite restaurant. He realized pretty quickly that that wasn't what he wanted so he got on board right away.

I wouldn't worry. FH is the same way. He would assume just go to the court house, but knows I've dreamed about having a wedding. Unless I spell it out for him, he doesn't get that I need help!! There are certain things that he has requested, and I go with it because he has so little requests in the whole process.

I had to express to FH that I really needed his help or everything wouldnt be done on time. I picked a task and asked him if he could do it and he did. If I just said this is what needs to be done and let him picked nothing would get done. It might help if you just picked a tasked that you know he can do and just say you need him to do it it will make it easier for him. If he's not willing to help at all then you guys might need to have a serious talk.

I agree with PPs who said that if this is about more than just wedding planning, you need to have a serious talk about your expectations for each other going into the marriage with respect to who does what. Far too many people have ended up in marriages resentful because their spouse expected them to do everything.

Re: wedding planning. This definitely isn't just a "boys will be boys" thing. The entire wedding industry assumes that brides are doing all the work, so (in heterosexual relationships), many men just assume that's how it is. I had the same struggle, until I broke down in tears from being overwhelmed. We split up the planning where I take care of the "pretty" stuff (because I care more), and he's done all the logistical/ non-pretty stuff (alcohol, transportation, room blocks, website). I'm much less stressed now. You can't just "drop hints." You have to communicate and find a division of labor that works for you both.

My FH has pick out what he wants the cake to look like, where the honeymoon will be, and a few other things. I guess I'm lucky I wish he would figure out who his best man will be I have a pArty of 12 to his none. I have 12 children and grandchildren. He says we can share them since he really has no family

I have done 98% of our planning which is fine by me. FH would have been happy to go to a courthouse, but I wanted a big wedding. We were just clear on expectations up front - I told him I want him to either be hands off and let me do it, or he could be involved in everything if he had opinions, but that I was NOT going to replan if I chose something he wasn't interested in and then he decides to have an opinion after the fact and doesn't like it. He chose to be hands off. I occasionally ask for his input on things I know he would care about, based on conversations we've had at other people's weddings that we have attended (ex. Kids at ceremony). Other than that, I do it all. He will help if I give him a specific task (ex. Seal envelopes), and I told him he is in charge of things like his outfit and groomsman outfit, as that does not involve me at all.

It's worked out really well for us, we have had no big fights or disagreements and our wedding is 10 days away now .....

From everything you have said, this sounds like it is more of an underlying issue than wedding planning.

FH and I agreed from the get that we would be in complete agreement on every decision. He knows that I am incredibly overwhelmed with being the center of attention and will have days of "we need to just elope so no one is staring at us" and he takes over for a bit. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. I may be able to execute a project and negotiate with vendors but he knows when I hit my emotional limits.

Wedding planning, like marriage, is a team effort. It's a reflection of who you are as a couple. The experience, and how you get through it, is a testament to the new team you are becoming.

Just talk to him. I was right there too, and explained that it was hard to get excited about something I'd been looking forward to my whole life when I felt lonely doing it. He understood that, and responded when I asked him to do specific things. You'll get there if you're just honest without accusing.

Guys don't get as involved in the wedding process. I never once asked FH to do a task. I researched and brought options to him. We would then sit down together and discuss why one might be better than another.

About the problems at home with housework, that just sounds like a separate issue. I think you need to sit down with your SO and let them know what's bothering you before you have to blow up about it.

Are you being direct enough with him? There's a difference between subtly mentioning something and hoping that he'll take the initiative, and flat out asking him to do something. I definitely did most of the planning, but if I came to DH with a task and asked if he would do it, he always accepted to help me out.

Towards the final stretch, he did attempt to take more initiative. For example, I was getting stressed so when things weren't going as planned with the suits, he stepped up to straighten everything out (like 4 guys had problems with their suits and DH didn't mention it to me until the problem was resolved, rofl).