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Cassi
Super October 2019

Feeling... Melancholy.. 5 days out.

Cassi, on October 7, 2019 at 2:01 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

Not really melancholy because I know the reason but sad...

I knew this day would come I just didn't expect it to hit me like a 5 ton truck. I have been super stressed lately getting everything together as we leave in 2 days for our DW. But today... it hit me. One of my bridesmaids sent me a picture of my sister from 8 years ago at a breast cancer walk we did and I haven't been able to stop crying. In January of this year my sister took her life. Its been 8 1/2 months since I got that call that she was no longer here but today of all days it hit me. We were always really close and to think she won't be there for my big day is really killing me. I've known for 8 1/2 months that she wouldn't be there and I knew it would be hard but I seriously haven't been able to stop crying today. I just hope I don't spend my whole wedding day crying...

Any advice on how to not cry that whole day? I am naturally very emotional so it being my sister its just tenfold!

8 Comments

Latest activity by Dayna, on October 8, 2019 at 2:53 PM
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice except to say you might cry on your day but it's ok. I'm sure she would only want to see you cry happy tears, but we grieve the way we grieve. Allow yourself to be sad even though you're also very happy. Maybe focus on that balance over these last few days. Was there a song you both listened to that made you laugh or smile? Play it before your start getting ready. You might cry but hold on to those happy memories too. I hope the sadness and pain you feel right now mellows so you can also feel the joy.

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  • Nicole
    Devoted April 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I am sorry for the loss you have. But I totally understand. We move in 2 weeks and I have slowly been going through old photos and things that have been stashed in my closet because I am tired of carrying things around. I came across pictures from over 16 years ago, my uncle was alive, my puppy was alive, and I couldn't believe it. I miss him more than ever, favorite uncle, taught me to ride horses and many other things. I stood in our bedroom like a deer in the headlights as the tears flooded my eyes and I had to remember to breathe. Remembering all the great memories he and I have but him not being here for my big day is rough. But I smiled through it because I know he is watching over me. He and I had many memories and favorite songs together. I haven't told anyone yet, but there are 2 songs that will play throughout or wedding somewhere, and they'll be "slow songs" for remembrance; a moment of silence if you will. It is definitely ok to cry, don't be afraid of it but don't let it over run you either. She would have wanted to see you and so many smiles on your big day. Remember that! and remember to breathe!

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  • Brandi
    Devoted July 2020
    Brandi ·
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    I am definitely sorry for your loss and can't imagine the pain you're experiencing. It is an unfortunate circumstance and I know you're afraid that the loss will overshadow your happiness but, it won't. Allow yourself to feel these next few days. If you need to cry - cry. If you want to listen to your favorite song and dance around - do that too. Share your emotions with your fiance or talk with your bridesmaids. Find and lean on your support. But, don't hide it, hold it in or ignore it. Don't think about what you'll do on the day of. Instead, just take each day, day by day. On the day of, be committed to living in the moment. Let your heart be present in each second of that day. You'll be surprise how your sister may remind you of her presence and bring you comfort during that day, truly. There are ways to honor her throughout the day if you wish. About three weeks before a friend of mine got married in DEC, his brother died. He had another one of their brothers' hold a photo of him as they walked down the aisle. But, I'll be praying for you and wishing you the best on your upcoming day!

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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I’m really sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to deal with your emotions. Cry if you want/need to. There’s no shame in that, even on your flight or your wedding day or whenever. Good luck to you and have a great wedding!
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    I'm sorry for your loss and you should find strength in the very same thing you are crying about. Remember your sister's personality and ask yourself would she want you sad and somber or celebrating life for the 2 of you! I think that you should be celebrating the years you were able to spend with her! and focus on your Groom and amazing marriage! Enjoy your blessings, enjoy your DW, pray to God for your blessings and enjoy your day!

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  • Kristal
    Expert February 2020
    Kristal ·
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    The best advice I have is to concentrate on your love and honoring her memory. You start crying because you miss her, think about your FH holding you and supporting you through it. If you get a happy memory, cherish it and embrace that she would want you to be happy. Also, if you want, you can carry her with you via a locket or a little key chain (I will be carrying my grandfather in my bouquet this way). There are plenty of other ways to remember people (family pictures on welcome table or memorial centerpieces on the family tables). Just be cautious of getting too many of those since the wound is so fresh, not only for you but also for your parents but having her there in some way that is meaningful to you could help you because she will be part of your day.


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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2021
    Natalie ·
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    I am so incredibly sorry you're feeling this way. For me, writing really helps me get my feelings out. Maybe you could write in a journal how you're feeling about everything. It can feel good to get all those thoughts out on paper.

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  • Dayna
    Expert September 2021
    Dayna ·
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    I'm so so sorry for your loss. That sadness is bound to happen any time you have a big, overwhelming event in your life. I think you should be really honest with your other bridesmaids and FH before your actual wedding day about how you are feeling, so they know you need some extra love and support.

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