I'm having a destination wedding in the country my fiancé is from [I'm Indian he's not]. I've been as mindful as I can be because I understand I'm asking a lot for my wedding lol and although everyone has given us a positive response, I'm making sure that every event is amazing, the hotels are budget-friendly and my guests don't have to pay for a thing once they get off the plane. I'm also providing close family and friends (25+) outfits for one of our events.
The thing that is bothering me the most is family drama and lack of enthusiasm/involvement. I have a very small bridal party which is 95% family; I have 2 MOH, my cousin and my non-Indian BFF; they are both planning an intimate bridal shower for me, but my cousin is barely involved and she was suggesting they cancel the shower bc she recently had covid; my other MOH already put a deposit down; my cousin suggested everyone wear masks and get tested; our SUPER ETHNIC families will NOT do this. LOL. I recently met up w/ my cousins that are in the party about the clothes I'm gifting them and they were annoyed/uninterested and wanted me to hurry up and finish my meeting (it was literally 30 min and it was like pulling teeth). I asked my cousin MOH if they'll be doing a dance for the Sangeet or a speech/anything for the wedding and she outright said no because she has no time/it's too much of a commitment. I wouldn't be so surprised if she hadn't been talking about dancing at my Sangeet for YEARS.
I'm SO grateful for my other MOH and HER in-laws who I'm close to. Even though they are not Desi, they make me feel really loved. I have a fairly large family (brothers and sis-in-laws) but no one helps with anything TBH. I have so many extended aunts, uncles but 90% aren't showing up because they are hateful.
PLUS it's not just my family. My fiancé's parents are currently going through a separation/divorce. I've been my best to be there for him, but it's getting difficult for me bc I'm genuinely hurt by their behavior. Basically, the parents cannot even be in the same room with each other and refuse to attend the same events. [dad has history of verbal abuse, not physical]. They will make exceptions for the wedding but my fiancé is very stressed about the situation and it's so extreme that he doesn't want them staying in the same hotel AND is genuinely worried that he will create a scene [he's never done it in front of us]. I understand why my fiancé is anxious—but I just feel like his parents and sibling are being really selfish/immature and dramatic, which in turn gives him anxiety. They play these power games and make it really difficult for him to have a good time and it really sucks. I don't expect anyone to stop/or delay major life decisions for MY wedding but I expect them to make it EASIER for their son who has been caught in the middle and is unable to enjoy the start of a really important chapter time of his life.
His mom and sister are also very low energy, unenthusiastic, and are very, very casual/low-key about the whole thing. They are not interested in fancy clothes, don't want to go out of their way with anything. They are just BLEH all the dang time; I know they are going through something but everyone IS going through something. I don't expect them to be involved in EVERYTHING, but they don't even make an effort. In both his and our culture, moms and close family members dress up for the wedding, do ceremonies, give gifts/jewelry to the bride and they literally do NONE OF THAT. His sis didn't even give us a card for our engagement party. I don't NEED anything but is wedding not the time you show extra care? Not to mention all the stuff I have to hear from my mom bc Indians go overboard with everything. She's not completely wrong bc from the outside, it just looks like they don't care to do stuff and they will chalk it up to the family drama. It's extra hurtful bc he is taking care of their drama all the time/does SO much for them.
I'm sad about all of this stuff and feeling ungrateful TBH. Even though from the outside, I'm so lucky and going to have a DREAM wedding—I realized a big part of a wedding is the people/relationships. I realized I don't have those relationships in my life that I wish I did. I constantly compare my relationships to everyone else's and feel awful. just feel so lonely and sad because I just EXPECTED more from our families.
