Feeling stressed and bridesmaid trouble

The sole role of your bridesmaids is to stand by your side during your wedding in the outfit agreed upon. They are not responsible nor should be expected to do anything more.

View Quoted Comment I was told they have to be at the rehearsal dinner. And also, when their gowns come in they need to go and make sure for changes, also, I was scheduling them for hair too. So I totally get that but I’m pretty sure that’s just basic stuff right?

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It won't be critical if this bridesmaid misses the rehearsal dinner (where I come, we don't even do rehearsal dinners) and beyond that, so long as she arrives where she is meant to at the designated time on the day of the wedding with her dress in tow, there really isn't much more she necessarily needs to do.

If there is a concern about having her dress altered - is it possible for the dress to be sent to her temporary address (if alterations are needed)?

View Quoted Comment That’s good to know on both parts. As I was told if they didn’t show up at rehearsal then they couldn’t participate in the wedding. Sounds like I was misguided. Thank you both I appreciate it.

View Quoted Comment Whaaat! Who told you that?!


If it helps - we didn’t have any sort of a rehearsal whatsoever and literally 15 minutes before our ceremony were told by our celebrant what to do and we were absolutely fine, everyone made it down the aisle with great timing and absolutely no slip ups so you’ll be totally fine

View Quoted Comment Our officiant said that to me. They said if they don’t come to rehearsal they weren’t allowed to be in it. And honestly I feel embarrassed that I posted this now.

View Quoted Comment No no don’t be silly! If my officiant told me that I’d probably we worried too.


It’s a bit bizarre they told you that but there could possibly be some obscure law in place that requires your witnesses (if the bridesmaid is one) to be available to sign something prior to the wedding, or they could have even said that because of some previous experience where they found it better to tell people that to ensure the bridal party is more prepared.
Who knows, in any case, don’t sweat! It’s a whole learning experience the wedding thing 😂

"Our officiant said that to me. They said if they don’t come to rehearsal they weren’t allowed to be in it. "

I've not heard of this either. Unless you are having a super complicated processional, most people can walk in a straight line and be told when to enter day of. Did he explain why she is "required" to be there?

On your original post, it's not fair for you to tell you bridesmaid to be around the entire week before your wedding. She's probably not returning your calls because you are not respecting her time and schedule. She can be there for you in other ways leading up to your wedding. Being there doesn't always mean physically. Phone calls, vent sessions, facetime girls nights, etc.

Its totally normal to feel frustrated that people aren't as excited as you about the wedding! My own FH doesn't get all giddy like I do when discussing it lol, its just something brides tend to feel I guess. Doesn't mean they aren't excited or don't love you, so just try to be patient with them and yourself. Happy planning!

I agree... all week is a lot. But not showing up to be there for the rehearsal dinner is a little bit weird unless this had been previously discussed with you. I have not had this issue with my bridal party so it's kind of weird to me. Your Officiant doesn't get to make the call on who is in the bridal party and I can't imagine someone getting kicked out for not being able to make the rehearsal. BUT i totally get why you are upset. The day before and day of the wedding are all kind of part of the whole thing. That's when the magic kind of starts... Last minute running around followed by a rehearsal and then dinner and then the next day is WHAM. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. And I get it, I do.

I don’t know what all these brides are telling you… I’m planning 3 weddings right now, my best friend’s, my sister’s, and mine. We are each other’s bridesmaids and we there for one another at all costs. My best friend’s sisters are also her maids of honor, and have helped her find the Dj, caterers and at least one of them are at the venue walk throughs. In the past I have been right there for my other best friends wedding I did the flowers and the drinks. Our best friend was the day of coordinator. My sister did their after party cake. Idk if it’s just me and my friend group but when you are a bridesmaid you are there to elevate the bride and groom and help as best you can, because you love them. I don’t have to ask or beg my friends to be there or be excited for me, they just are. My friends don’t have to think twice about asking me for anything because I’m there supporting them the best way I can no matter what. But we are close and love each other. So in my opinion, your bridesmaids should be your best friends, people you will call ten years from now and reminisce with, people you love. It sounds like to me you either need new bridesmaids or new friends or to stand up there alone in all your fabulous glory cause you did this thing all by yourself! You’re not being a bridezilla because you ask for help. Your not being a bridezilla by asking your bridesmaids to come to the rehearsal (it’s expected unless they are so far away and have 0 P.T.O. so they can only get there the day before!)



On another note if you are starting to feel stressed or overwhelmed consider consulting with a wedding planner and a day of coordinator. They could help take some of the stress off. Or Write everything down and organize your materials, then take a week to just breathe and think about the other things that are going On. Lay everything down and do some anxiety meditation go on a date with your boo that week just chill. When you go back to pick everything up the next week you will feel renewed. Just try not to worry too much. It will all get done and it will be a wonderful day.

I think some of these previous posters have had some great advice for you. Don’t stress about your bridesmaid being at the rehearsal. Rehearsals aren’t mandatory, and oftentimes really not even needed. Assuming your other bridesmaids will be there for the rehearsal, they can simply tell the missing bridesmaid what to do. All weddings are pretty much the same, and the wedding party’s role (walk down the aisle, stand at the altar, walk back up the aisle) is pretty standard and easy to grasp. I do agree that it is unreasonable and atypical to ask a bridesmaid to fly in to be with you the week of your wedding. She has her own life going on and this demand could be quite costly and disruptive. As long as she shows up on time on your wedding day with the appropriate attire, then there’s nothing else you need to worry about. Wedding planning is stressful enough, don’t sweat this small stuff!

View Quoted Comment Thank you and yes it is definitely a learning experience

View Quoted Comment It’s great to have insight from all the ladies who have responded it does make me clear my mind to understand things a lot more and hearing about the rehearsal makes it even better. So I appreciate you and everyone else.