Feeling uncomfortable with future in-laws due to different backgrounds and I'm worried about other things

View Quoted Comment

I would go to doctors right away for physical health issues or injuries. But, mental health is a different story and I don't like being seen as weak.

View Quoted Comment

My parents view themselves as failures as I've seen in other posts. They feel guilty over not being able to give my brother and I many things. It would hurt them a lot to see her parents being able to help us. They don't feel that they have anything to offer us.

View Quoted Comment

It's hard for me not to compare the two families because they are a part of our lives. It will be never ending due to holidays, and other major events. At our engagement party, her parents mentioned wanting to buy us appliances in front of my parents. Stuff like that always comes up and it's hard to avoid and not compare.

View Quoted Comment It looks like you need to think about what’s best for YOU and your future kids. If your parents aren’t happy that your life will be improving and that your future children will have more opportunities while growing up, then that’s on them. My parents have ALWAYS said that they never want to see us struggle or our kids struggle like they did growing up. Parents should always want better for their kids and grandkids and sadly money can change your life a lot.

They will be able to offer their love, support, and quality time. If they can’t understand that, and you’ve already explained that then you need to decide what’s best for you and your FS. I know that MS is tough, I’ve treated many people as a PT who have had MS. Many of them have grandchildren who love them and care for them and vice versa. It’s normal to be upset over this diagnosis, but it doesn’t HAVE to change your life plans.

View Quoted Comment

My parents have said they want better for us, but they hate they couldn't do more to help my brother and I get ahead in life. They feel a lot of guilt about that and I don't like seeing my parents in pain.

My mother was diagonsed with MS many years ago. So she's accepted her diagonsis and she doesn't think she will get much time with any future grandchildren.

View Quoted Comment They’ll have to get over their pain 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sorry to be blunt but there it is. Clearly you love your FS. This love is not because of her money. But you would be foolish to turn down all of these amazing and generous opportunities just because it’ll make your parents feel bad....

View Quoted Comment

I'm caught between my family who did their best despite crappy circumstance and my fiancee whose family has a lot of resources. I'm trying my best to appreciate my parents, but it's difficult when my fiancee's parents look down on us and basically don't think my fiancee and I can get a house on our own.

I don't want to shut my parents out of my life and I wish they were in place to have equal impact on our lives. But they aren't equal to my fiancee's parents. They don't have the money or resources my fiancee's parents have. Quality time isn't as worth as much as money and other valuable resources are. If my parents had somewhat better fiances and resources I do think things wouldn't be difficult for me.

View Quoted Comment Since you won’t listen to reason, looks like you need to break off the engagement and find a girl in a much worse situation than you in order to be happy. Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment Your view of money is so distorted that even if you do marry your FW, her family’s money/experiences because of money is probably ultimately going to cause your divorce. You obviously don’t think mental health is important, but until you face that you actually have some significant mental hangups about money and try to fix it, you’ll never be happy.

So, my reply to your reply was removed, because even though you called me and my FH weak for seeking therapy, my reply was considered inappropriate.

That seems ... distorted.

Look, you don't want our advice. You don't want our advice so much, you're insulting us for giving it.

You aren't happy with your FW or your FILs. Think about that before you reply to this thread anymore.

And then, maybe, just maybe, think about how it sounds when you suggest that getting mental health treatment means you are "weak".

Good luck, dude.

View Quoted Comment

I think you're making large assumptions here. I was in a similar situation to those of your future children. My dad's parents were very well off - they took us on a nice family vacation each year and set aside a large chunk of money to put all of their four grandchildren through college. Between that and a little help from my parents, I graduated without any debt. I'll forever be grateful for this. My mom's parents, however, made ends meet. I think we maybe took one small trip when I was younger and I don't remember it well. My mom also had to take out loans to finish school. But you know what I do remember? The love and quality time they showed me. I have the fondest memories of being at their house, baking with my grandmother and watching TV with my grandfather. Both sets of grandparents made an effort to make me feel loved and spend quality time with me - and I have NEVER valued one set of grandparents over the other because of money. While my parents appreciated that my dad's parents could help out financially with college, they always instilled in us that money is not everything. Please don't make this into a competition between your parents and her parents. That is what will rub off on your children and create issues.

As far as helping with your house, as long as they're not trying to hold it over you, I don't see the issue with accepting help. If you still don't feel comfortable, then don't, but don't let your pride get in the way of your relationship with your fiancee and your in laws. Just because they have money does not make them bad people, and your comments are looking like you see them in a negative light just for being well off.

View Quoted Comment

You have not demonstrated in any way that your fiancee's family looks down on you. Nothing that you have reported that they've said or done demonstrates that they look down on you. The problem here is you and your issues around money. You are interpreting very benign comments as put downs and judgments. That's on you, not on them. You're doing this because your point of view is skewed. You really need to spend some time working through your hangups about money and your parents and social pressure and appearing weak and your own worth. Your rejection of therapy as being something you can't contemplate because it's only for people who are weak is just another aspect of this. How are you going to have healthy relationships with any of these people, your wife included, going forward if you don't get a handle on this?

View Quoted Comment

"Quality time isn't as worth as much as money and other valuable resources are."

Dude, seriously. Time to go read A Christmas Carol.

View Quoted Comment FFR. Then he has the gall to say "society" is pushing these views despite us (society) telling him no and him insisting yes. That was a direct quote from him. Clearly it isn't societies view- it's his.
I've washed my hands of this pity party, which is easy since he didn't even acknowledging my last post 🙄

View Quoted Comment You don’t understand how wealthy families work. It’s likely your wife’s parents received financial help from their parents as well. And if not they came from the same background as you and worked their way up. You honestly sound insufferable.