Feelings hurt

View Quoted Comment No, that's not it. It's for sure not it.

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View Quoted Comment Right? Wishful thinking.


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Okay. The name calling is not excusable whatever his reason. Going forward will be hard but do trust that you know yourself, know when something is wrong, and that you know what is right for you and your child. You will be okay, and the posters here support you.

View Quoted Comment Some posts on here make it sound like fiance is doing something abnormal , should be discussed with a counselor, wrong - -by wanting a breather. They picked a date 22 months away. They could wait 9 months and still have a year to plan. More than half of couples - 68% according to the hotelier's association mag people who own caterer I work for- make their 1st booking at 11 months or less. Martha Stewart, Queen of the details, has complete pattern books for doing it at one year, and a separate one, 9 months.Because 50% of real average brides do not start until 9 months. ( People on knot, wedding wire, are not average brides.). ..."Or from the knot information section ( not forums) says to make the first booking at 9- 12 months, which means start looking a month or two before.
😲 So I think treating this FI as having something wrong with him is a little much. If groom does not want to be surrounded by wedding planning for a while, they could wait from 22 months out until 14 months out, a full 8 months, and still be early. Compromise, not treat the groom as strange . He did not yank the rug out from under her, or act condescending, by asking her to follow a course closer to what the average bride does. Saying that he does sets up the bride for faulty expectations, a big problem area for many brides. The fact is, the very enthusiastic wedding planners on this site who see nothing wrong with something like bookings at 22 months are the ones very out of line. So maybe it would be more helpful and functional to point out that there is a wide area open for compromise. And groom is not doing any more to upset the bride's feelings, that she is upsetting his. 🙁 I will always remember the friend's mother in my neighborhood who wanted the kids to start Friday afternoon they got out of school to do all work and projects, pace them out, finish by Monday or Tuesday, which made Mommy very happy. And how miserable those kids felt, knowing everyone else had at least 5 days before they needed to touch school work. Well, if groom has crushed her enthusiasm for starting exceptionally early, he may think it is a smack in the face to not get some engagement time with no planning . Between 22 months and the usual year, there is room to have no one be wrong, but work out a solution, practical not emotional.******** This tour or huge to tiny fonts brought to you by WW, which I guess I need to reinstall.

I totally get this! You’re so excited and just want to jump head first into the planning I did too! We had a short engagement so I only had about 10-11 months (getting married November 2021) so I had to get the ball rolling. my future husband didn’t really take too much interest in it after a couple weeks of 1,000 questions a night from me 😂He said “stick within the budget and do as you’d like, I know you have good taste!” The age old phrase “if you are prepared you are generally successful” good luck girl!

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Except he started calling names, so he is acting in a way that is not generally acceptable . . . even in children. He said she was a hurt child and immature - both of which are problematic. Yes, they have a "long time" - and if COVID wasn't a thing, I would be right there with waiting (I planned and executed my wedding in 6 months); however, COVID is a thing. A LOT of people had to cancel/postpone in the last year or so, thus vendors may be more difficult to get. These circumstances are unprecedented (quickly becoming my least favorite word) and your sources cannot have accounted for them.

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According to what the bride Jeree said it was not that he said "whoa, hold on why are we rushing and lets have a discussion about this" but instead put his foot down stating suddenly no planning could happen until counseling and he called her a child and immature...that is not as you stated "groom is not doing anymore to upset the brides feelings than she is to him". .is that what you consider normal communication between yourself and others? Either way THAT is the bigger issue. Also you can plan a wedding in less time but I'm not going to diminish another brides enthusiasm because she is excited and wants to start early. We are planning one in 4 months due to school transfers but many venues were booked out through 2022 and In to 2023 that we looked at as well as wedding planners, photographers and such. So if you have the time and want to start early you get premium pick and dates. We had to compromise on the chosen date by 6-7 weeks. According to the venues we visited some covid cancellations couples chose to book far out 2-3 years. So those articles you "quoted" may no longer be accurate with covid cancellations affecting all that data. So if you want top pick of your venue in a competitive market then looking early or atleast shopping early does help and being excited about your future and starting to plan things for your future is part of that excitement. I also know someone who said it is taking her dress 12 months to get here. Idk what kind of dress or budget she had but we have seen covid delays with everything so it's possible it's affecting even that.... Just to be clear i am not an "over enthusiastic wedding planner with something to gain". Just concerned for her and wanted her to know she is not being overly sensitive, he was rude period. He is insisting on counseling I want her to know that If his demeaning behavior persists she has options and the power to choose and to look at counseling as an empowering opportunity to make sure that this relationship and communication style is what she wants for the next 30 years if she decides it is not she has 22 months to determine if it's something they are both committed to improving together. There would have been nothing wrong with a discussion and coming to an agreement to wait till after the counseling had occurred to start planning but according to Jeree that is not what occurred. The bottom line though and why I am even bothering to reply is that No One should be normalizing his behavior nor should they be making this bride feel that she is in any way wrong for being excited it would be abnormal to not be excited and abnormal to not be dreaming and looking at dress magazines and venues immediately after getting engaged. Even if it your date was 5 years out! The engagement MEANS it's time to start planning the wedding...many couples talk about marriage before getting engaged but they don't start planning till after the engagement. It's like putting a racehorse in a starter box and opening all the other gates for the other horses but holding her back. The horse is pawing and ready to go and the gate is holding it back. The horse knows when it is put in the gate it is time to race the same way a bride and her family know the second you get engaged it is time for dreams to become reality and you are allowed to start planning.... if he wanted more time he could have suggested they do premarital counseling before getting engaged. If he wants loving time without the pressure of planning then he should have stated that in a loving manner which he apparently did not do. .. If the perfect venue was found with the perfect price and the exact date if your committed and not scared why wouldn't you put a deposit down? In covid times people are waiting longer and rescheduled so you have 2-3 years of weddings being scheduled into 2021 2022 2023 if you come back in a year that date will probably be gone as well as most likely the prices will have gone up....that's the reality.

Because of Covid, venues and vendors are booked solid through 2022 in many areas. Unless you go for some completely out of the box venues and vendors, you will have to book very soon (for a date you may not want in 2022 or for 2023) or on an off day and send save the dates so guests can prepare.

You need to be able to express your feelings without being guilted over them. That is not ok. Communication and empathy needs to be improved on before you proceed further with any wedding planning. Couples therapy would be a good thing to explore before you put down any large payments on venues.

I think him thinking there is no need to rush is just a typical man thing. My fiance when he purposed didn't think there was a need to rush until I told him how fast things book up in the wedding industry, but once I told him that he was right there with me rushing to the alter. However you shouldn't brush it off especially if it really hurt you that much. He sounds like he is the immature one not you. Because he needs to realize that it's not just about him anymore and he can't just tell you in so many words to suck it up when you are hurt over something he did. That's not how relationships work. He needs to understand that his comments negatively impacted you. He also needs to realize that the wedding industry moves quickly. You don't plan early enough and you can be screwed. He also should have never purposed if he wasn't ready to run down the alter with you. Guys generally know how women are with weddings and know as soon as they put that ring on our finger we already have half the wedding planned. You have every right to be excited about your wedding it's a big deal.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I appreciate your comment and support.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I fully intend to. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it.

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View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I agree. All I was trying to do was choose a vendor. He was the one who suggested we book the tours in the first place. The name calling was also unnecessary.

View Quoted Comment I'm confused as to how I am upsetting his feelings?

View Quoted Comment Thank you for taking the time to comment and support how I felt and am feeling. It's so nice to know that others are understanding of me with with situation. Thank you.

So I will give you the advise my aunt gave me planning at your 10 month mark. So guys want to embrace the engagement phase, but you are not wrong for your feelings. Just love and enjoy each other before all the craziness starts.❤️❤️

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I think your Aunt was right on! Lol